Geek Humor Quotes & Sayings

I've often wished that I had some suave and socially acceptable hobby that I could fall back on in times like this. You know, play the violin (or was it the viola) like Sherlock Holmes, or maybe twiddle away on the pipe organ like the Disney version of Captain Nemo. But I don't. I'm sort of the arcane equivalent of a classic computer geek. I do magic, in one form or another, and that's pretty much it. I really need to get a life, one of these days — Jim Butcher

The more attractive and athletic the character depicted on the T-shirt, the less attractive and athletic the fan wearing it — Nev Fountain

You know what they say,' Suz had texted. 'Once you go geek, you never go back. — Linda Morris

And don't tell me there isn't one bit of difference between null and space, because that's exactly how much difference there is — Larry Wall

At least that left hope for him. Except "Beauty and the Geek" wasn't exactly the proper translation of the popular fairy tale. — Kelly Moran

I've got to have wheels," Theo called after him, and swore under his breath as he heard his father
walk down the stairs. "You might as well be dead out here without wheels." He flopped back on the
bed to brood up at the ceiling.
Maddy just shook her head. "You're such a moron, Theo."
"You're so ugly, Maddy."
"You're never going to get a car if you nag him. If I help you get a car, you have to drive me to the
mall twelve times, without being mean about it."
"How are you going to help me get a car, you little geek?" But he was already considering. She
almost always got what she wanted.
She sauntered into the room, made herself at home. "First the deal. Then we discuss — Nora Roberts

He was a good storyteller, but he told the kind of stories that made children run away from the village and adults look for a length of rope and some soap. — Sorin Suciu

What makes the Arctic VarChar so unusual and popular is that each bite has a different taste. As you carve your way into the ersatz fillet, you might find yourself chewing on smoked salmon, tender tuna, marinated mackerel, seared snapper, raw roe, baked barracuda, grilled goldfish, or even pickled perch, to alliterate just a few. — Sorin Suciu

Ambition is a funny thing. It's like being a Trekkie in that if you admit to it, those around you are mock supportive of your confidence but are quick to call you a loser behind your back.
Or maybe that's the opposite of being a Trekkie. — Christy Leigh Stewart

At the last moment, she remembered that her Master might be watching her and, knowing that good girls bend at the knees while bad girls bend at the waist, she picked up the cigar butt, as it were, in style. — Sorin Suciu

Matt laughed. "Close. That was last year. This year it's Obsessive Deovtion to Fourier Analysis Theory and Applications. And my personal favorite, Quantum Physics II: Romantic Entanglements of Energy and Matter."
Julie turned her head to Matt. "You're a double major? Physics and math? Jesus ... "
"I know. Nerdy." He shrugged.
"No, I'm impressed. I'm just surprised your brains fit in your head."
"I was fitted with a specially desinged compression filter that allows excessive information to lie dormant until I need to access it. It's only the Beta version, so excuse any kinks that may appear. I really can't be held responsible. — Jessica Park

It was all kind of fuzzy, as if his mind was doing its thinking in limericks. — Sorin Suciu

He didn't know what was hotter, her Star Wars reference or the breathiness with which she spoke it. — Kelly Moran

Simon did not solve problems, he just shamed them into going away. — Sorin Suciu

What's great about the geek spirit is that life never seems to stop us, and they never seem to kill our enthusiasm, our optimism and our hunger to experience the world. We keep our sense of humor, we protect our dignity, we talk to our friends about the experience and then we start again fresh the very next day. — Paul Feig

As far as I could tell, the quickest way to a geeky guy's heart usually involved geometric shapes. — Angela N. Blount

Her assignment had been to write a simple Sumerian code for preserving a jar of pickled eggs. (To the programming-inclined reader, this is the magical equivalent of "HELLO WORLD.") — Sorin Suciu

A project is like love; it has clear intentions at the beginning, but it can get complicated. — Gerry Geek

Wham. She glommed onto him like white plastic on a Stormtrooper, shamelessly pressing against his body, groping and kissing. — Angela Quarles

Borges was unapologetically smart and equally sentimental; a proto-geek, blind to distinctions between low pulp fiction and high criticism, experimental but never arch, and always playful, with a humor as dry as dust. — John Hodgman

Wet towel under the door,' said Barry. 'It's what you do when you're smoking weed in a hotel and you don't want everyone calling security. You're always supposed to have a towel. I read about it in a guide for hitchhiking through the galaxy. — Christopher Moore

I always have my own opinion before my boss says his. — Gerry Geek

We can arrange class time with, um, minimum interaction."

That's perfect. The part where the interacting is all minimum-y," Montgomery said eagerly.

That was almost a Buffyism," Mica pointed out to Ellen.

Almost," Ellen admitted grudgingly. — Tracy Lynn

The coding was anachronistic, kind of like bokeh in a renaissance painting. — Sorin Suciu

That was when I realised a sad but incontrovertible truth: I was a geek, and there was no getting around it. I could dress in Kate's clothes, but it didn't make me Kate. — Sharon Sant

Execution strategies: do / buy / delegate / forget. — Gerry Geek

That Hellboy gun of Yours? It's not scientifically possible. It flaunts the laws of physics like a teenager on Rumspringa... — Michael R. Underwood

No one messes around with a nerd's computer and escapes unscathed. — E.A. Bucchianeri

He knew for a fact that he was so hopelessly bad at seeing through camouflage that, if left alone in the forest, he might even attempt to make fire by rubbing two snakes together. — Sorin Suciu

I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out. — Robin Brande

Love can be just like hot peppers, exciting on the way in and agonizing on the way out. — Sorin Suciu

Geek e-mail sign-off: No trees were killed to send this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced. — Neil DeGrasse Tyson

I love crafting. Knitting, decoupage, scrapbooking, any "lady-ish" art form, I'm a fan. For about six months each. Then I shove all the supplies in a closet, alongside the skeletons of long dead New Year's resolutions, like saber fencing, playing the ukulele, and Japanese brush painting. — Felicia Day

When I dreamed about becoming a fantasy adventurer, I was always a max-level character with epic gear. Look at me. I'm wearing vendor trash. — Noelle Alladania Meade

So I'm delighted to open up a bit about these particular details, in honor of Valentine's Day (when every balding, chubby, and short actuary wants people - especially the babes out there - to know about his studly past"
From: "My Best Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story — Zack Love

Master Dung's study was silent. So silent, in fact, that one might have been able to hear a gnat passing air, if only an obligingly flatulent gnat had happened nearby. — Sorin Suciu

Many things have been compared to a brick, mainly as a tribute to their intellect or to their aerodynamic characteristics. — Sorin Suciu

When taking Spock to see the spores, Leila comments, "It's not much further." having been beaten about the head severely on the difference between "further" and "farther," I believe I can say with some trembling confidence that she should say, "it's not much farther." "Further" means "to a greater extent or degree" whereas "farther" means "to a greater distance." (I know this is really picky, but hey, that's my business.) — Phil Farrand

If you want to get a meaningful result: create something very complex, and then simplify it. — Gerry Geek

Just move to the Internet, its great here. We get to live inside where the weather is always awesome. — John Green

Ryker smiled at me. "You learn quick - "

I cut him off. "If you call me grasshopper, I'm going to slug you."

"Padawan."

I shoved him. It was more like shoving a tree. He didn't even flinch. "You're such a nerd."

"Geek, Millie. I'm a geek." His lips twitched and it made me want to raise myself up on my tiptoes and kiss him.

I shot him a grin instead. "Only a nerd would know the difference. — E.M. Denning

Let's see, you will need a project plan, resource allocation, a timeline, test cycles, a budget, a contingency budget, lots of diagrams, flowcharts, a media release, a strategic vision, a charter, technical specifications, business rules, travel expenses, a development environment, deployment instructions, a user acceptance test, stationary, overtime schedule, a mock-up, prototypes ... "
"Tell me," she said, "did the people who built the pyramids have any of those?"
"Mostly, they had beer. Come to think of it, if there had been such a thing as a Business Analyst in ancient Egypt, then the hieroglyph for it would have been very graphical, if you know what I mean. — Sorin Suciu

Dear Lynda Carter, Please be with me in my hour of need. Especially if I don't have to twirl around to get my powers. — Michael R. Underwood

There are many ways to define what it means to be a geek, but certainly one definition has to be, Someone who does something normal people do, only while wearing special pants and talking about it constantly. — BikeSnobNYC

I will take a serious approach to a subject usually treated lightly, which is a nerdy thing to do. — Benjamin Nugent

I left the Shire,
got 7 outstanding N.E.W.T.'s
and became a Vampire;
Because Winter is Coming... — Various

Cutest geek i ever saw. — Steven Key Meyers

Wonderful craftsmanship, Simon decided with the expert eye of one who had played enough computer games to know art when he saw it. — Sorin Suciu

Anyway, the point is that you guys really need to get out more. — Hitori Nakano

I know a flute player is technically called a "flautist," but something about it sounds a little sketchy, as does "pianist," so I will refrain. — Julie Halpern

He was a beautiful pagan god with the voice of a serial killer, but that didn't make him any less god like. It just meant rather than dying in some dank basement or isolated cabin, I'd die bound on an altar as part of some gruesome sacrificial rite. Exsanguinating while he stood over my naked body with my blood dripping from an obsidian blade...Angelina Martin — Candace Vianna

There was one new metallic monstrosity stacked in one corner that she hadn't seen the last time she was a visitor to his strange chamber, it appeared to be a mass of hard drives all fused together, but they looked too sophisticated to be merely hard drives.
"What on earth is that?"
"That's my Kung Fu," he said proudly, patting the top of the futuristic-looking stack.
"Is that what you wanted to show me?"
"No, but it's impressive, isn't it?"
"If you say so."
Steves sighed and shook his head, so few people could appreciate the intellectual complexity of an almost untraceable hacking device. — E.A. Bucchianeri

For most people, home we represented by four walls and a roof. Not for Noa. She preferred a motherboard to a mother, a keyboard to house keys. Nothing was more comforting than the hum of a spinning hard drive. — Michelle Gagnon

The conversation had been so lacking in quality that it actually made Toddlers and Tiaras look like good entertainment by comparison. — Sorin Suciu

As a little girl I always expected that one day adventure would happen to me - someday a tornado would whisk me away to Oz, or I'd fall down a rabbit hole, or David Bowie would kidnap me and take me to his labyrinth where he'd sing me songs and feed me magic peaches. (I still sorta wish David Bowie would kidnap me, but that's beside the point.) As I get older, I realize you have to make adventure happen for yourself. I hope this cookbook helps you, dear reader, to make some tasty adventures for yourself - and maybe throw some really awesome LARP parties. — Cassandra Reeder

Behind the cool mask of bravado, past the one-way mirror of his mind, underneath the rock-solid layers of self-control, in the Zen garden that was Master Sewer's soul, a high-pitched anxiety fart rustled through the still leaves. If farts could talk, this one would have said, Damn coppers! — Sorin Suciu

The room continued to spin though she was standing still, but her ears were hot. She felt like she'd just slammed three doubles of tequila and needed a fistfight chaser. — Michael R. Underwood

Alan shrugged. "I love the CBC, really, but being voted its president - " "Co-president," Sputnik corrected. " - is kind of like being declared King of Nerds." "Co-king," Sputnik asserted. — J.M. Richards

A project goal like a joke. If you have to explain it, it is not good / fun. — Gerry Geek

On a scale ranging from very little to too much, Merkin could just about categorize the amount of personal data stored in Master Loo's computer as a shitload. — Sorin Suciu

Tradition, thought Merkin, was not the most reliable thing in the world. Tradition had this nasty habit of asserting itself overnight. A new species of funny-shaped, bioluminescent invertebrate found sixteen thousand feet under the ocean might instantly become part of the Chinese traditional medicine, for instance. You never knew. — Sorin Suciu