Funny Weapon Quotes & Sayings

I'd love to do a comedy. I'd love to do a two-hander like the old Leathal Weapon movies. I love those, like an action comedy with the straight man and the funny man. I'd love to do one of those. Just got to find one, find a funny man that wants to do one with me. — Jason Statham

Well, it's true for every elder sibling, We have this supremely potent weapon "parents " on our side in such matters. In fact, such are the times when our maturity works wonders in hitching parents to our side over these younger siblings. — Parul Wadhwa

When Matthew merely stared at him, Jackson reached into the weapon box and pulled out a sheathed machete, handing it to the boy.
Matthew laughed and dropped it. — Kresley Cole

My first manager, he had left Germany when he was five, but he would joke about the Nazis. And I'd laugh, but I'd look at him, and he was the first one who told me, 'You know, funny is a powerful thing; it's a wonderful weapon.' — Michael Keaton

I shot him daggers. Along with swords, scythes, scalpels, shivs, shanks, stilettos, and any other sharp weapon I could think of that began with an s. — A&E Kirk

I picked up the nearest weapon I could lay my hands on: a stapler. I lifted it, going for "menacing." I admit it lacked a certain elegance, but hey. It was worth a shot. David placed his hand on my arm and pushed it back down.
"What?"
"Just ... that's embarrassing for all of us," he replied. — Rachel Hawkins

She's their secret weapon! They call her Trasha, and she's eight years old. I hear they discovered her at the Pacific Mall arcade, playing Drum-Mania. She has so much A.D.D., it's not even funny. — Bryan Lee O'Malley

Get him now?" Duncan asked. He looked at the sword in his hand. Unsure of what he should do, he tossed the weapon at the giant. The sword flipped through the air a couple of times and landed softly on the grass only a few feet away.
"That was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen," said Gustav.
Duncan stepped forward to retrieve his sword, tripped over his belt, hit his head on a rock, and knocked himself out cold.
"I spoke to soon," said Gustav. "That was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. — Christopher Healy

Nah, Dad, I'm good. Please leave me in this hotel bedroom with my handsome boyfriend. And several of his relatives, and a very sharp weapon."
"Clearly I went badly wrong somewhere when raising you," said Dad. "Well, best to do down before Tomo gets into the vodka. — Sarah Rees Brennan

I believe in a reasonable amount of "right to bear arms". But private citizens of the United States are not allowed to own nuclear weapons. I always wanted a nuclear weapon, if I could have gotten one. I'm every other kind of power, but I'm not a nuclear power. — Ted Turner

Who said that?" asked Sir Grummore.
"But the sword said it, like I tell you."
"Talkative weapon," remarked Sir Grummore skeptically. — T.H. White

Isn't it funny that only twenty years ago, they were down there cowering in terror that we trigger-happy, decadent, capitalist Americans would go nuclear on them any minute? Little did they know our secret weapon was Starbucks. — Magnus Flyte

Often in my lectures when I use the phrase "imperialist white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy" to describe our nation's political system, audiences laugh. No one has ever explained why accurately naming this system is funny. The laughter is itself a weapon of patriarchal terrorism. — Bell Hooks

You have to learn which pose works best to enhance your bodies in your lingerie." My blank expression only pissed her off further. "It adds to the seduction process!" Taran sighed when the rest of us exchanged what-the-hell glances."Watch and learn." She folded her arms and leaned over her dresser. Emme jumped when Taran threw out her butt like some sort of weapon. — Cecy Robson

I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40. — Roy Bean

Television is a weapon of mass distractrion. — Larry Gelbart

Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination. — Robert Fulghum

Japan suffered terribly from the atomic bomb but never adopted a pose of moral superiority, implying: 'We would never have done it!' The Japanese know perfectly well they would have used it had they had it. They accept the idea that war is war; they give no quarter and accept none. Total war, they recognize, knows no Queensberry Rules. If you develop a devastating new weapon during a total war, you use it; you do not put it into the War Museum. — George Mikes

I'm happy for you! Do you have to watch out for lecherous men like me lurking about?" Ludwig asked, jokingly. "Ah! I keep your jeweled dagger by my side as my protective weapon, in case men like you should suddenly attack. I am well protected; thank you for your precious gift." They both laughed heartily at my remark. Oberon added, "You are funny, Young, I like you." "I'm glad you do! I am forever indebted to Ludwig for saving me from a deadly scorpion in the Sahara. I owe him one." Ludwig took this opportunity, "Well, now is time to pay up! Let's have a threesome! — Young