Funny Ticket Quotes & Sayings

I emphasize the distinction between brackets and no brackets because it will affect your reading experience, if you will allow it. Brackets are exciting. Even though you are approaching Sappho in translation, that is no reason you should miss the drama of trying to read a papyrus torn in half or riddled with holes or smaller than a postage stamp
brackets imply a free space of imaginal adventure. — Anne Carson

The best book in the
world to put into the hands of one who desires to know about Jesus and
to be saved is the gospel of John. — R.A. Torrey

Sin is much more than doing the wrong thing. It begins withloving, worshiping, and serving the wrong thing. — Paul David Tripp

Any celebration meal to which guests are invited, be they family or friends, should be an occasion for generous hospitality. — Julian Baggini

Jehovah's Witness? Don't sweat it. I'm going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I'm pagan. Your hell is my heaven ... if for no other reason than you won't be there. — Dennis Sharpe

I think over the course of 14 films, I'm returning to a place that I know to tell a story ... the same way Spielberg returned to fantasy, Lucas returned to the 'Star Wars' saga, or John Ford returned to the western. — Gus Van Sant

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. — Steven Wright

Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office. — Jerry Coleman

A woman reasons by telegraph, and his [a man's] stage-coach reasoning cannot keep pace with hers. — Mary Edwards Walker

Poetry's packaged as a late-night slot, a quote minority taste unquote, like water-skiing or goat-fucking or something. — Julian Barnes

I can understand that an audience, buying a ticket to see a picture of mine, wants to see something funny because they feel confident that at least I have a fighting chance to make a funny film when I make a film, whereas if I make a dramatic film there's one chance in a thousand that it's really going to come out great, so I understand how they feel about that and they're completely right. — Woody Allen

Faith opens our hearts for the entrance of the holy. It is almost as though God were thinking for us. — Abraham Joshua Heschel

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!" — Henny Youngman

When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you. — Werley Nortreus

I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won! — Mitch Hedberg

Realism is the light that shines between change and challenge. — Balroop Singh

Forty dollars for one adult nonrefundable ticket. You're in luck - your bus leaves in a half hour. But there's no dogs, unless that's a service animal."
"Oh, yeah," Call said, with a quick look down at Havoc. "He's totally a service dog. He was in the service - the navy, actually."
The woman's eyebrows went up.
"He saved a man," Call said, trying out the story as he counted the cash and pushed it through the slot. "From drowning. And sharks. Well, just the one shark, but it was a pretty big one. He's got a medal and everything. — Cassandra Clare

There's nothing funny about, 'Yeah, I took a First Class plane ticket and I went to some designer beach and made out with a Laotian slave girl.' Who cares? — Henry Rollins

Funny songs, that's my ticket. I can't remember when it started or why it started, it's just something that I NEEDED. — Jack Black

Sunshine, you and Jake had sex, but trust me when I tell you, tonight's going to be your first time. The first time you know what it feels like for someone to own your body. The first time a real man makes love to you until you scream so loud the heavens hear you. And the first time you'll understand exactly what you mean to me. — K.J. Bell

I always thought it was funny that my grandparents had bought a ticket to New York and ended up in Glasgow. — Peter Capaldi

Skilled verse is the work of a profound skeptic. — Paul Valery