Funny Terrorists Quotes & Sayings

You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality! — John Green

Funny how the U.S. sends in the military to fight "terrorists" in any country which has resources we want ... — Ziad K. Abdelnour

If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American
our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that. — Jon Stewart

- "Surely you have considered terrorist activity?"
There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, "Yes, I suppose we must. All we need to do is find some terrorists who are capable of taking an entire nuclear reactor out of its can while it's running and without anyone noticing. It weighs about a thousand tons and is forty feet high. So they'll be quite strong terrorists. Perhaps you'd like to ring them up, sir, and ask them questions in that supercilious, accusatory way of yours."
The BBC interviews a nuclear spokesperson (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens) — Terry Pratchett

With heart for mind, we love not wise
Besieged by what Man took for eyes. — Helen McKinnon Doan

The first time you went out, you became mixed up with a group of radical political terrorists."
"That could have happened to anyone! — Lisa Kleypas

Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show ... called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists. — Tina Fey

...[T]he teaching of writing is fraught with difficulties. Teaching well, in my experience and that of my students, can be very time-consuming, demanding, frustrating, and, given institutional constraints, sometimes infuriating. It demands the recognition that, in Burns's words, 'The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft aglay.' At the same time, composition lies at the heart of education. When students make gains as writers, the gains are likely to affect other educational endeavors. And for teachers, the joy of seeing students create some new part of themselves, and do it well, washes the difficulties to insignificance and provides the impetus to try, like the Bruce's unrelenting spider, again, and again, and again. — George Hillocks

Do you ever look up at the stars and try to contemplate the ends of the universe? — Ruth Ahmed

I knew if I sat there another minute, I'd never be able to get beyond everything that was going to happen from that day on. My life would disappear inside his. So I got up. — Lee Martin

Her mind still worked, her feet still moved, she could walk, though only with the help of a walker, but walk she did, and she was a human being who knew for certainty that beans are best in salad and that old age is a terrible calamity. — Dubravka Ugresic

Have you heard that someone's dreams could be another's reality? — Ed Roland

A bad conscience makes a very good ghost. — Hope Mirrlees

And if you find everything as soon as you look for it, you find it in vain, you look for it in vain. — Antonio Porchia

Funny he could take down a group of terrorists without blinking an eye, but come face to face with this gorgeous woman, and he lost his common sense. — Casey Clipper

They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags. — Frankie Boyle

How funny is it that so many professors labeled Tea Partiers as terrorists, while kissing the asses of real, bona fide terrorists? It's not funny, really. But it's the result of a simple equation: One is cool, and the other isn't. Own a gun and keep it by your bed in your remote farmhouse? You're a redneck. Purchase guns that end up killing a judge? Priceless. As long as you cling to cool, progressive beliefs that deem America evil, whatever you do is cool. And if you do it under a big fuzzy 'fro? Even cooler. Hell, if you 'fro is big enough, you could nuke an orphanage and still get tenure. — Greg Gutfeld

If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meal. Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner toll you could kill a musk ox with. — Dave Barry

If I close my eyes, I do not see anything but, if I imagine, I see something. To look beyond what you look and see, use your minds eye and not your eyes — Ernest Agyemang Yeboah