Funny Tennis Quotes & Sayings

We haven't had any more rain since it stopped raining. — Harry Carpenter

I support Dolly Sisters, sir. Always have done."
"And are they any good?"
"Having a poor patch at the moment, sir."
"Ah, then I expect you will want to support our team, which will be very good indeed!"
"Can't do that, sir. You've got to support your team, sir."
"but you just said that they weren't doing well."
"That's when you support your team, sir. Otherwise you're a numper."
"A numper being ... ?" said Ridcully.
"He's someone who's all cheering when things are going well, and then runs off to another team when there's a losing streak. They always shouts the loudest. — Terry Pratchett

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other." — Rita Rudner

The moment you resolve to be victorious, every nerve and fiber in your being will immediately orient itself toward your success. — Daisaku Ikeda

Zivojinovic seems to be able to pull the big bullet out of the top drawer — Mike Ingham

I think love and hate intertwine far too much for humanity's own good, yet we choose to compare them like vinegar and water. — Emory Sharplin

I don't suppose you have to believe in ghosts to know that we are all haunted, all of us, by things we can see and feel and guess at, and many more things that we can't. — Beth Gutcheon

Rules must be established and enforced, and, as numbers are increased in prisons, the necessity for vigilance increases. These rules, let it be understood, may be kindly while firmly enforced. I would never suffer any exhibition of ill-temper or an arbitrary exercise of authority. — Dorothea Dix

Everyone threw the blame on me ... they nearly always do. I suppose ... they think I shall be able to bear it best. — Winston Churchill

Charles Barkley was a big teddy bear. — Shannon Miller

Compassion Is Free...Try it! — Timothy Pina

Jeff's attention is swiveling between the two of them like he's watching a game of tennis being played with a kitten's head instead of a ball. — Kate Sherwood

She wore a fitted white scoop neck shirt under a thin jacket, slim brown pants and tennis shoes. He bet she looked hot in four-inch heels. He wondered how long she'd last in this town, and he decided he wanted to sleep with her before she left. — Tami Lund

I think it would be funny to have one of those family decals showing a really skinny teenage girl barfing into a little chalk-outline bag (the bulimic in the family) or the dad figure dressed in the woman's underwear that he truly enjoys slipping into when no one's looking. Or the wife figure smiling with her exaggerated curly hair and tennis skirt, clutching a racket in one hand and a bottle of Stoli' in the other. — Celia Rivenbark

Tennis is a funny game; unbelievable highs and the lows are just as low. — John McEnroe

Private companies should be building businesses. — Peter Diamandis

I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said, "Screw it. Cut 'em up!" — Mitch Hedberg

The serve was invented so that the net could play. — Bill Cosby

I've told you that I like a well-read woman. Well-read woman tend to know more about a wide range of topics. And you can never be bored with a woman who reads — Chelsea M. Cameron

Tennis is a funny game, and it takes a life-time of keeping one's eyes open on the circuit to have any chance of understanding the strange phenomena that exist in our exciting sport! — Sania Mirza

Yeah, you were in my gym class. Didn't you get hit in the face with a tennis ball one time?"
Kiley had long ago accepted that, despite the lack of any reasonable scientific explanation, her face clearly attracted sporting equipment. She'd absolutely gotten hit with a tennis ball, as well as a volleyball, a softball, and a Frisbee. Once she'd even managed to get wacked in the nose with a broom while they'd attempted to play a grounded version of Quidditch. "Yup, that was me. — Ana Blaze

Tennis was a game invented by a woman named Samantha Tennis in 1839, in the village of Lobsworth, County of Kent, as a diversion for the wealthy and titled Englishmen of the region, who had nothing better to do at the time but drink, belch and wear funny clothes. — Dan Jenkins

Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow! — Og Mandino

[Lizzie Bennington to a reporter who has asked for her opinion about Jack Archer's celebrated thighs.] When you come back from a set down and bring the match to a final set tiebreak and are a point away from winning the match, only to have what looks like an extremely fit player call a time out because of a cramp and then watch that player sit back and casually converse and laugh while you do your best to keep your mental focus and your body moving so you don't grow cold and cramp yourself, I hardly think you'd concern yourself with his burgeoning manhood, let alone his thighs! — A.G. Starling

Facebook's privacy policies are confusing to many people, and the company has changed them frequently, almost always allowing more information to be exposed in more ways. — Jose Antonio Vargas

It's a lot of bling to play with. You got to have the bling. — Serena Williams