Funny Smartass Birthday Quotes & Sayings
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Top Funny Smartass Birthday Quotes

Fireflies and Fame
As a child I would collect fireflies,
stuff them in a Coke bottle
capped with a wad of cotton
from my asthma medicine.
Tired of being just a collector
I turned Ted Bundy,
peeled off their wings,
then lined up their weightless bodies
into an elegant cursive script
spelling my name.
I stomped them all
like an Indian on a warpath
and for fifteen seconds of fame
my name lit up in Vegas neon
just like Liberace's. — Beryl Dov

The most unhappy of all men is the man who cannot tell what he is going to do, who has got no work cut-out for him in the world, and does not go into it. For work is the grand cure of all the maladies and miseries that ever beset mankind,honest work, which you intend getting done. — Thomas Carlyle

Being rich and famous seems to have its ups and downs. That's the price you pay for being troubadours and clowns. — Jimmy Buffett

What I say is, if a witch can't look after herself, she's got no business calling herself a witch. — Terry Pratchett

I'm always slightly envious of people who become extremely rich without anyone knowing who the hell they are, like financiers. — Michael Caine

Because they don't have the weapon. I mistranslated those lines in the book. You are the weapon. — Jodi Meadows

Of all the inhabitants of the inferno, none but Lucifer knows that hell is hell, and the secret function of purgatory is to make of heaven an effective reality. — Arnold Bennett