Funny Single Man Quotes & Sayings

It seems to me that a man who can think straight along for forty-seven years without changing a single idea ought to be kept in a cabinet as a curiosity. — Jean Webster

Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle. — Steve Coogan

Shergahn and friend lay like poleaxed steers, and the Daranfelian's greasy hair was thick with potatoes, carrots, gravy, and chunks of beef. His companion had less stew in his hair, but an equally large lump was rising fast, and Brandark flipped his improvised club into the air, caught it in proper dipping position, and filled it once more from the pot without even glancing at them. He raised the ladle to his nose, inhaled deeply, and glanced at the cook with an impudent twitch of his ears.
"Smells delicious," he said while the laughter started up all around the fire. "I imagine a bellyful of this should help a hungry man sleep. Why, just look what a single ladle of it did for Shergahn! — David Weber

No matter how much closure I'm going to give you, you're going to compare me to every single man you meet, Mia. It's the same for me. Nobody is ever funny enough, annoying enough, crazy enough, or beautiful enough to equate to you. — Claire Contreras

Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich. — Habeeb Akande

Funny thing about being a U.S. senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught in there. — Will Rogers

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. — Robin Williams

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!" — Henny Youngman

How to Be a Man Step One: Eat a steak, preferably raw. If you can find a juicy steer and just maw a healthy bite off of its rump, that's the method that will deliver the most immediate nutrition, protein, and flavor. Make sure you chew at least three times. Step Two: Wash it down with your whisky of choice, preferably a single-malt scotch. — Nick Offerman