Funny Self Describing Quotes & Sayings

Humour is the describing the ludicrous as it is in itself; wit is the exposing it, by comparing or contrasting it with something else. Humour is, as it were, the growth of nature and accident; wit is the product of art and fancy. — William Hazlitt

Let not the tongue give utterance to the evil that is in thine heart, but command thy tongue to be silent until good shall prevail over evil. — Brigham Young

I am glad we have not yet been able to reach the stars or inhabitable planets that dance about them. For they would in all probability be owned and divided by corporations and framed by industrial interests. Better they rest in distant tranquility, apart from our manufactured chaos.
Let generations to come that learn to embrace one another, with their scientists, artists and poets, be the ones that immerse in that abundance and future. For now it is best it remains out of humanity's childlike hands in that big jar, light years away, marked "cookies." There for that coming time when the only thing we need feed off of, is the endless discovery and beauty. — Tom Althouse

Forest to their fields of corn and tobacco on the fertile slopes and rich bottom-lands. The — William Dean Howells

I once had half a cup [of coffee], twenty years ago, and I'm still working it off. — Elizabeth Warren

Obstacles come to instruct, not obstruct. — Brian Tracy

Don't worry. I can teach you every word that you need to know right now. One of them is 'fiesta.'" Ragnor scowled. "What does that mean?" Magnus raised his eyebrows. "It means 'party.' Another important word is 'juerga.'" "What does that word mean?" Magnus was silent. "Magnus," said Ragnor, his voice stern. "Does that word also mean 'party'?" Magnus could not help the sly grin that spread across his face. "I would apologize," he said. "Except that I feel no regret at all. — Cassandra Clare

Reach beyond the boundaries of the self and revel in the limitlessness of the soul. From there, all things are possible. — Lady Kali Tara

When your bow is broken and your last arrow spent, then shoot, shoot
with your whole heart. — Roger Zelazny

Just then Dante leaned against him, brow between his shoulder blades for a moment, so tentatively Griff held his breath. His voice was almost sheepish. Nah. Everyone knows I was born defective. They didn't instal you until later. — Damon Suede

Some of the funniest things are just situations in life that are funny. The way people interact. People describing their first kiss with someone, to me, is really funny. When someone goes into detail about each moment of that, I really find that enjoyable to listen to. — Nathan Fielder

In [James Kelman's story] 'The Third Man, or Else the Fourth,' four men stand around a fire, on a freezing day. They appear to be out of work, and very poor. They talk about politics, about an old man who was recently found dead in a cold tenement building, about prison. One of the men, Arthur, starts describing a dream he had. Like most dreams, it is incomprehensible; it gathers pace, and we are drawn into it, and then it fizzles out. Kelman makes a funny, implicit connection between maintaining the fire (the narrator goes off to get "burnables") and maintaining a story: everything is potentially burnable, everything can be used. — James Wood

Jen put her hands on her hips and pinned Sally with the famous 'you're going to spit it out or I'm going to rip it out of you' look. "You talked?" Jen asked sarcastically. "Sally," she cleared her throat then continued, "you have a mate. A guaranteed husband. A sure thing. Not to mention he's hot, funny, sweet, and he has a dimple. You talked?" She repeated. This time Jen's voice was skeptical. Before Sally could defend herself, however, her door opened slowly, calculatingly.
"I know you weren't describing me Jennifer. So who is this male who has caught your eye so descriptively? Please do tell, so that I can rip him to pieces." Decebel's power filled the room and Sally took an involuntary step away from the very angry Alpha. — Quinn Loftis

And who am I to blow against the wind? — David Levithan