Funny Screaming Quotes & Sayings

He whipped the chair around and actually split one of the things in half with the impact, spilling the spray of blood that was reflective, like mercury.
John bellowed, "Anyone else want to donate blood to chair-ity?"
He ducked into the the door and bashed one monster right in the wig, screaming, "There's some dessert! With a chair-y on top! — David Wong

I understand we'll be attending your friend Miss Worthington's Christmas ball. Perhaps I'll find a suitable
which is to say wealthy
wife among the ladies attending.
And perhaps they will run screaming for the convent. — Libba Bray

I was screaming and hitting at him, but he thought it all so very funny, and he draped me belly down on the saddle in front of him and then he spurred into the chaos to continue the killing.
And that was how I met Ragnar, Ragnar the Fearless, my brother's killer, and the man whose head was supposed to grace a pole on Bebbanburg's ramparts, Earl Ragnar. — Bernard Cornwell

I should spank you; I didn't enjoy you impulsively ditching me, but I did enjoy your driving."
"Wait, back up. You ... " She paused as she replayed what he'd said earlier. "I was watching for you; how the hell?"
"I think somewhere between screaming freedom, and crying your pretty little eyes out, you missed me sifting in and I was at a loss for the weirdness of the situation. I was also pretty sure you wanted some alone time — Amelia Hutchins

She waved, laughing, waiting for him to go zooming past her. Instead he slowed, then came to a stop right in front of her.
"What are you doing?" she demanded, as he put his foot on the asphalt. She pointed to the finish line, a scant hundred yards away. "Go."
People around them started screaming. Josh ignored them all.
He pulled off his glasses. "How you doing?"
"Josh! This isn't funny. Move." She glanced over his shoulder, knowing the other racers would appear at any second. "Just finish. You can win. Then we'll talk."
"We can talk now."
She shrieked. "No! I said I was wrong. I said I loved you. What more do you want?"
"You," he said. "For always."
"Yes, yes. You can have that. Now go. Cross the finish line. It's right there. Can't see it? Hurry."
"You'll marry me?"
The man next to her turned. "For God's sake, lady. Marry him already. — Susan Mallery

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.' — Adam Ferrara

I think it would be funny for people to read in obituaries of me that my major contribution to the arts was the popularization of the phrases 'neutral facial expression' and 'screaming in agony.' — Tao Lin

When a court officer suggested quarantine for Nerissa, she grabbed the man's pen and jammed it into the back of his hand, screaming that he was a Crimson Guard witch come to remove her memories and replace them with bird-song.
They decided to skip quarantine after that. — Caitlin Kittredge

People like light and silly, and they like stuff that's really energetic, and you get a character in a film bouncing around and screaming, people laugh. That's all it takes. I don't find that funny. To me, what's funny is dialogue and nuance of character and performance. — Terry Zwigoff

Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny. — Ben Stein

If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. If he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be screaming. Then I would say be patient with people who are negative, because they're really having a hard time. — Michael J. Fox

Yes you are right," said Pavel. "We will succeed simply because we are the best in all of world. We will get LVR by using incredible intelligence."
Leon showed he was in full agreement by screaming and hitting himself repeatedly on the head. — Cuthbert Soup

Drunk or not, Niall caught the insult. "Lass, I promise ye what hides under me kilt is anything but funny." "You're right. Anything that hasn't bathed in decades is probably more likely to send a woman screaming. Or fainting from the smell." "Why you little harpy." Incredulous, he could only stare at her while she smirked. "Ah, have we reached the point of pet names? How sweet. I was thinking of dung beetle for you. — Eve Langlais

I had a dream about you last night ... shortly after I woke up screaming in terror. — Amy Summers

The truth a fairly important thing to hold on to when you've been pulled out of the sea after wanting to drown in it. I could've let the sea take me. I could easily be dead now, which is funny when you think of it. When I say funny, what I actually mean is weird and kind of disturbing.
When there's the loud sound of a siren screaming in your head it doesn't take too long before a feeling of not caring what happens washed over you and you become recklessly self- destructive. I used to be full of energy and happiness but I could barely remember those kinds of feelings. The cheerful, childish things I used to think had been replaced. A whole load of new realisations had begun to grow inside me like tangled weeds, and they were starting to kill me. That's why I'd make the decision that involved heading ogg to the pier on my pike in the middle of the night and cycling off it. — Sarah Moore Fitzgerald

We were in the middle of a scene, and this crazy woman comes roaring out of the crowd, screaming, grabs my whip, and damned if she didn't punch me." Rubbing his reddened chin, the man's lips curved a little. "It's almost funny, but still, she ruined our scene. — Cherise Sinclair

She grabbed all her clothes from her wardrobe and flung them across the room, screaming her head off until she finally felt sane again. Perhaps tomorrow she would buy those cats. (Holly) — Cecelia Ahern

It's funny how we feel so much but we don't say a word, we're screaming inside but we can't be heard. — Wiz Khalifa

American voices, country voices, high-pitched and without mercy. He lies freezing, wondering if the bedsprings will give him away. For possibly the first time he is hearing America as it must sound to a non-American. Later he will recall that what surprised him most was the fanaticism, the reliance not just on flat force but on the rightness of what they planned to do ... he'd been told long ago to expect this sort of thing from Nazis, and especially from Japs - we were the ones who always played fair - but this pair outside the door now are as demoralizing as a close-up of John Wayne (the angle emphasizing how slanted his eyes are, funny you never noticed before) screaming BANZAI! — Thomas Pynchon

I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people's nightmares. — Bauvard

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. — Jack Handy

Brightness ... I believe you stray into sarcasm."
"Funny.I thought I'd run straight into it,screaming at the top of my lungs. — Brandon Sanderson

Congress should make it so that all sex scenes in all films should be provided with a screaming baby sound track. That should help take away all the fun and may show a major decrease in unwanted pregnancies without having to provide birth control to anyone. — Heather Chapple

Right now, I couldn't have cared less if someone had waltzed across the room in a large flower costume with a sign saying GET YOUR BLACK TULIPS HERE. Every nerve in my body was on man-alert, screaming, incoming! — Lauren Willig

After reading some of my stories, I once had a friend say to me, "I'd love to spend five minutes in your head to see what's going on in there." I warned them, "If you spent five seconds in my mind you'd probably run out screaming and never speak to me again. — Mark W. Boyer

I was just beginning to relax when the radio crackled to life, and nearly gave me a heart attack.
"I see something, I see something!" Maddy was screaming and sounded terrified. "I see something moving!"
There was a weird, muffled sound, and then Skylar's voice came on. "Please disregard that emergency broadcast. Madeline has just seen her first cow. — V.L. Dreyer

What is that?" Dad said, looking at the doll.
"It's called the Scream," I said.
"I know that, but what us it?" Dad said.
"Maybe she sleeps with it," I said to Dad as he tucked it under his arm.
"Then no wonder it's screaming," he said. — Douglas Rees

Try not to scream when I break your bones. It bothers me. You can cry if you want; that's fine."
He burst out laughing. I didn't realize that was a funny statement.
"Got it," he said, trying unsuccessful to cover his grin. "Screaming, no. Crying, yes — Amy Tintera

You know why horror-movie characters always get killed? Because they've never seen horror movies. They don't know how it works. Right? But we do. So no one go into the basement alone. No one go screaming off into the woods alone. No one has any sex. — Carrie Vaughn

There were really funny characteristics about this guy [Richard Nixon], chief of which would be that he seemed to devote about 85 percent of his waking energy to suppressing any sign of his emotional response to anything that was going on around him, and the other 15 percent blurting out those authentic responses in the silliest and most inopportune ways. And he had these smiles that would come at the most inappropriate times - just flashes that there was an inner life screaming to get out. — Harry Shearer

Caught' is a funny word," said Serge. "Most criminals catch themselves, like getting stuck at three A.M. in an air duct over a car-stereo store, and the people opening up in the morning hear crying and screaming from the ceiling, and the fire department has to get him out with spatulas and butter. If your arrest involves a lot of butter, or, even more embarrassing, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, then you actually need to go to jail, if for nothing else just some hang time to inner-reflect. — Tim Dorsey