Funny Retirement Quotes & Sayings

Slavery is nothing to joke about. The history of this nation's involvement with slavery is nothing to pass off in a joke. — Douglas Wilder

We have to thank God for this retirement. — Virgil

My retirement plan was in place but Bernie Maidoff with my money. — David Letterman

She would give them order. She would create constellations. — Thomas Pynchon

I have so strong a sense of creation, of tomorrow, that I cannot get drunk, knowing I will be less alive, less well, less creative the next day. — Anais Nin

There are three things to remember when teaching: know your stuff; know whom you are stuffing; and then stuff them elegantly. — Lola J. May

I have therefore concluded to apply for the privilege of becoming a Cadet at West Point. — George Stoneman

I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me — Fall Out Boy

Steve Forman strafes the south Florida scene with Boca Knights, an outrageously funny mystery novel with a raft of offbeat characters and prose that moves trippingly off the pen. His main man, Eddie Perlmutter, ex-Boston cop attempting semi-retirement in Boca Raton like a fish trying to retire out of the water, is a character for the ages. Carl Hiaasen, watch your back. — Douglas Preston

The traumatic event, although real, took place outside the parameters of "normal" reality, such as causality, sequence, place, and time. The trauma is thus an event that has no beginning, no ending, no before, no during and no after. This absence of categories that define it lends it to a quality of "otherness", a salience, a timelessness and a ubiquity that puts it outside the range of associatively linked experiences, outside the range of comprehension, of recounting and of mastery. Trauma survivors live not with memories of the past, but with an event that could not and did not proceed through to its completion, has no ending, attained no closure, and therefore, as far as its survivors are concerned, continues into the present and is current in every respect. — Dori Laub

Old teachers never die, they just grade away. — Henny Youngman

In order to judge of the form to be given to this institution the Senate, it will be proper to take a view of the ends to be served by it. These were,first, to protect the people against their rulers, secondly, to protect the people against the transient impressions into which they themselves might be led. — James Madison

At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all. — Ann Landers

Sanders was a friend of chickens. — Charles Taylor Manatt

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

What do gardeners do when they retire? — Bob Monkhouse

Not so great in England at the moment; in an online poll we came last, we actually came bottom of European countries for quality of life, because of things like the weather, obviously, late retirement, poor holiday, poor public services, poor health service; it's basically just a kind of grey, godless wilderness, full of cold pies and broken dreams. — Bill Bailey

Sugar Ray Leonard's retirements last about as long as Elizabeth Taylor's marriages. — Bob Arum

Sex is Number 1 of my Top-10 joys in retirement. Number 2 is reading How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free. I forgot the other eight. — Ernie J Zelinski

No need to panic. I was the heroine in this story, so everything would get fixed somehow. — Betsy Schow

I have always stuck up for Western medicine. You can chew all the celery you want, but without antibiotics, three quarters of us would not be here. — Hugh Laurie