Funny Pissed Up Quotes & Sayings

Now, as I understand it, the bards were feared. They were respected, but more than that they were feared. If you were just some magician, if you'd pissed off some witch, then what's she gonna do, she's gonna put a curse on you, and what's gonna happen? Your hens are gonna lay funny, your milk's gonna go sour, maybe one of your kids is gonna get a hare-lip or something like that - no big deal.
You piss off a bard, and forget about putting a curse on you, he might put a satire on you. And if he was a skilful bard, he puts a satire on you, it destroys you in the eyes of your community, it shows you up as ridiculous, lame, pathetic, worthless, in the eyes of your community, in the eyes of your family, in the eyes of your children, in the eyes of yourself, and if it's a particularly good bard, and he's written a particularly good satire, then three hundred years after you're dead, people are still gonna be laughing, at what a twat you were. — Alan Moore

The Klingon snarled something that sounded horribly like Christy's pissed-off texts and everyone shut up. "First Spiner's Q and A, then Nimoy's tribute while Data gets his kicks with the Orion woman. Then signed pictures for Brett and D4C. We all convene at the panel about the ethics of the temporal prime directive. Q is making an appearance and revealing their agenda. Agreed?"
All nodded.
Christy opened her mouth, but closed it again, shaking her head. Good, because no amount of translation was going to suffice. — Elle Aycart

For instance, dragons are deeply revered by the Chinese. According to legend they have megapowers that include weather control and life creation. And they're seen as kind, benevolent creatures. Funny. Every fairy tale I'd ever heard involving dragons starred daring knights trotting off to kill said dragons. Probably the real reason every time East meets West they get pissed off and throw tea in our faces. — Jennifer Rardin

So, funny story. There are fairies? In the Dark Woods. And I might have pissed off their king."
There was silence. Then, "Of course you did. — T.J. Klune

I'm just glad you didn't die while we were gone," Brent said. "He'd be so pissed. And you know, you'd be dead. So that would suck. — Bree Despain

Funny thing about glass. When you broke the shit up, it got pissed and bit back. — J.R. Ward

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner. — Britney Spears

All he wanted was a long, hot shower and a long, deep sleep.
Meaning that whoever this pissed-off brunette was, whatever deal she'd arranged with his flaky mother, they could talk about it after he'd scrubbed the jungle from his skin and rinsed the shampoo from his hair.
"What do you mean it belongs to you? It can't belong to you. I just rented it," said the girl aiming that pink blow-dryer right at his heart.
If he wasn't so damn exhausted, he might find that funny. She was holding the thing as if it would protect her. It was a blow-dryer! He nodded at it. "What do you plan to do with that thing, honey? Style me to death? — Tracy Brogan

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. Right. It's just that ... He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear I'd punch him in the face if he were standing right here. — Kristina McBride

He gives me a look that says, "Dude, if I knew that do you think I'd have enlisted your puny help?"
I snicker.
"Something funny here."
"You. All prickly and pissed 'cause there's something you don't know. Got to call on the megaservices of the Mega."
"Ever occur to you I'm using you for reasons your inferior human brain can't begin to understand. — Karen Marie Moning

It's the big new bridge," said Serge. "Takes you right across Lake What-the-Fuck." "Is that another real name?" "No," said Serge. "That's what I call it. It's really named Lake Surprise. But surprise is usually something good that provides delight, like winning the lottery or reaching in the back of the fridge and finding an unexpected jar of olives. But this lake got its name because it pissed people off." "How'd it do that?" "Another funny story. When Henry Flagler started the Overseas Railroad down the Keys, he looked for the route with the most land, because bridges over water cost more. So he sent out surveyors, and they began laying tracks south from the mainland of Florida, across some little islands and an isthmus to Key Largo. And I can't believe they built that far before realizing that right in the middle of a big chunk of land was this giant lake, and now they have to build an extra bridge that wasn't in the budget. — Tim Dorsey

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life! — Russell Howard

American comedies about Asians have never been funny to me. That always kind of pissed me off. — Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa

What's the matter, fairy boy? Pissed because Chrys rather kiss me?" - Essence (Nymphs of Macedonia Trilogy #1) — Racheal Renwick

Sorry, I didn't know that you had a vagina, I'll refrain from using vulgar words for now on. How about it smells like pee pee and poo poo, with a little bit of spew, is that better?"
"You're a real character, you know that?"
"Thanks, I try," she says. "Now, let's get the shi-stuff and get out of here."
"Fine," I say. "But for future reference, I like it better when you curse. It's pretty funny to see a pissed off Tinkerbell." I run from the baseball mitt being hurled at my head, laughing all the way . — Katelin LaMontagne

You have to learn which pose works best to enhance your bodies in your lingerie." My blank expression only pissed her off further. "It adds to the seduction process!" Taran sighed when the rest of us exchanged what-the-hell glances."Watch and learn." She folded her arms and leaned over her dresser. Emme jumped when Taran threw out her butt like some sort of weapon. — Cecy Robson

Wait!" Conrad said. "Did someone ... one of my enemies set this fire?"
Nix turned back with a grin. "Unless you'd pissed off some wirring-hungry nutrias, then I'm going with no. — Kresley Cole

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed. — Daniel Tosh

This is the Presley and Zachary of old times. Two hot-headed and emotional people. Yes, he's sweet and loving, but he has an angry side. When you poke the bear, he roars loud. Funny thing is that I'm the same. He's pissed me off by coming here yelling at me. — Corinne Michaels

Charlie waves me on, then leans an elbow on his chair. Propping his head up with a finger by his temple.
He's pissed at me.
But this is Tuesday and the sky is blue. So everything is as it should be. — Krista Ritchie

Dayum! You know Charley's pissed when the f-bomb is flying out her mouth like it's her job to drop them. — Jacquelyn Ayres

My bosses would be beyond pissed if tomorrow's New York Times read: "Solid gold tiger eats stupid couple who were taking photos of it with their camera phone. — R.R. Virdi

Shane looked ... pale. Pale and shaken and - how predictable was this? - pissed. — Rachel Caine