Funny Old Birthday Quotes & Sayings

An explorer is an explorer from love, and it is nature, not art, that makes him so. — Ernest Giles

I have come to understand church as this: the presence of Jesus among His people called out as a spiritual family to pursue His mission on this planet. — Neil Cole

I put my hand on the altar rail. 'What if ... what if Heaven is real, but only in moments? Like a glass of water on a hot day when you're dying of thirst, or when someone's nice to you for no reason, or ... ' Mam's pancakes with Toblerone sauce; Dad dashing up from the bar just to tell me, 'Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite'; or Jacko and Sharon singing 'For She's A Squishy Marshmallow' instead of 'For She's A Jolly Good Fellow' every single birthday and wetting themselves even though it's not at all funny; and Brendan giving his old record player to me instead of one of his mates. 'S'pose Heaven's not like a painting that's just hanging there for ever, but more like ... Like the best song anyone ever wrote, but a song you only catch in snatches, while you're alive, from passing cars, or ... upstairs windows when you're lost ... — David Mitchell

Hot Plants enhance sexual experience. They increase sensitivity and make sex more urgent. Men get better erections. Women benefit, too. Your orgasms are like Chinese New Year fireworks. — Chris Kilham

I'm fed up with you," I said furiously. "I told you quite specifically the first time you tried to undo my skirt that I am not into emotional fuckwittage. It was very bad to carry on flirting, sleep with me then not even follow it up with a phone call, and try to pretend the whole thing never happened. Did you just ask me to Prague to make sure you could still sleep with me if you wanted to as if we were on some sort of ladder?" "A — Helen Fielding

Some people like to hear and not see, so we have the radio. There are so many different ways that we can get and participate in the arts. — Anne Heche

Isn't it so weird how the number of dead people is increasing even though the earth stays the same size, so that one day there isn't going to be room to bury anyone anymore? For my ninth birthday last year, Grandma gave me a subscription to National Geographic, which she calls "the National Geographic." She also gave me a white blazer, because I only wear white clothes, and it's too big to wear so it will last me a long time. She also gave me Grandpa's camera, which I loved for two reasons. I asked why he didn't take it with him when he left her. She said, "Maybe he wanted you to have it."
I said, "But I was negative-thirty years old." She said, "Still." Anyway, the fascinating thing was that I read in National Geographic that there are more people alive now than have died in all of human history. In other words, if everyone wanted to play Hamlet at once, they couldn't, because there aren't enough skulls! — Jonathan Safran Foer

Next time, don't lose the only weapon you have between you and death."
He says as he tucks the knife into the side of his belt.
"You may not always have help, so don't be stupid. — Amy Lunderman

Now, feel free to call me what I am-call me a corpse, call me dead, call me a killer if you want. I've killed people in battle, I'll admit. But don't call me what I'm not. I am not a freak, and I am not a cannibal, and-
I would have adeed, I'm not a monster, if it hadn't at that moment hit me that I was going all self-righteous on a girl whose world I had just turned upside down.
Smooth, Bram. When will you learn to shut up? — Lia Habel

There is absolutely no shame in living within your income, however small it may be, but there is shame if creditors are always coming to your door. — Christine De Pizan

But I never cheated on your mom. Never wanted to. You need a man who feels the same way, and don't stop until you find him. — Joanna Wylde

September 11 was, and remains, above all an immense human tragedy. But September 11 also posed a momentous and deliberate challenge not just to America but to the world at large. The target of the terrorists was not only New York and Washington but the very values of freedom, tolerance and decency which underpin our way of life. — Tony Blair