Funny Nurse Quotes & Sayings

There is an automatic assumption that negative is realistic and positive is unrealistic. — Susan Jeffers

Well, what do you want me to say?' The Doctor was so angry he was almost hovering. 'Well done on marrying the only male nurse not to have a full set of Barbara Streisand records? Why did you pick him, anyway? Were there no flight attendants in your village?'
'Only Jeff,' [Amy replied].
'Ah.' ...
'I picked Rory, always Rory, because he is just like you,' I [Amy] yelled at him. 'He is sweet and understanding and funny and he always tries to do the right thing. Plus you both run the same way.'
'We do not.'
'Do so. — James Goss

Do I look like I want to be eaten alive after sex? — Nalini Singh

It is funny, but it strikes me that a person without anecdotes that they nurse while they live, and that survive them, are more likely to be utterly lost not only to history but the family following them. Of course this is the fate of most souls, reducing entire lives, no matter how vivid and wonderful, to those sad black names on withering family trees, with half a date dangling after and a question mark. — Sebastian Barry

Don't make me angry-kiss you. — Rainbow Rowell

Being me is a job - is labour so time-consuming and expensive that I have to have a second job just to support it. So that I can drink, I have to get drink and that isn't something people give away and then there's drink that I need because I have drunk and the other drink I have to keep around because, sooner or later, I will drink it. That's a full-time occupation: that's like being a miner, or a nurse. — A. L. Kennedy

When I first met you, you were just an annoying novice nurse. But I found out that you saved my life and now you're my little sister. Isn't it funny. — Kim Young-kwang

Excuse me, Tex, the nurse said, hands on hips. 'Would you mind reining in the voice. There are babies being born in this hospital. We wouldn't want the first sound they hear to be your painful howling. There could be lawsuits. — Eoin Colfer

Eric approached the octagonal nurses' station, and a blonde nurse
looked up from her computer monitor, smiled, and pointed to
examining room D. Everybody recognized the hospital shrinks
from the bright red W on their lanyard IDs. The W stood for
Wright, the wing that contained the locked psych unit, but the
staff teased that W stood for Wackos. He'd heard all the jokes
How do you tell the psychiatrists from the patients in the hospital?
The patients get better and leave. Eric told the best psychiatrist
jokes, though he never told the ones about psychiatrist's kids. He
didn't think those were funny. He lived those. — Lisa Scottoline

So often we look for a magic secret or new technique that will produce tremendous returns and results with little or no work. Those seeking this magic secret will never find it - for the secret to success is to continually live and apply basic, simple fundamentals over a long period of time. — Cameron C. Taylor

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse. — W.C. Fields

What have you done to your hair?" Mom's broken voice said, pinning me back to this tiny hospital
room.
"Holy shit!" Icka patted her head as if searching. "You think the nurse stole it? She looked shady. — Phoebe Kitanidis

I'm not going anywhere until you hear me out."
Oh, please no. Anything except having to listen to her lecture. I push the button that calls the nurse.
"Can we help you, Alex?" a voice bellows through the speaker.
"I'm bein' tortured. — Simone Elkeles

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. — Spike Milligan

if I take much more, you will begin to change. And — L.J.Smith

Life can take so many twists and turns. You can't ever count yourself out. Even if you're really afraid at some point, you can't think that there's no room for you to grow and do something good with your life. — Portia De Rossi

Nothing will go wrong,Micheal said soothingly. Me and you? We've been through to much together. And your too unpleasant to die.Too bossy.God will keep you down here for a while until you learn your lesson and start learning to work and play well with others. Now your talking.Will you go with me a week from Friday when I get my biopsy? Wild horses and an evil head nurse with rubber gloves couldn't keep me away.
Now your just being gross. — Erica Orloff

I lived rough, by my wits, was homeless, lived on the streets, lived on friends' floors, was happy, was miserable. — Ben Okri

There is no real bravery in getting paid to save someone's life. However, there is a large amount of bravery in a nurse break dancing at the hospital's Christmas party. — Shannon L. Alder

From time immemorial men have quenched their thirst with water without knowing anything about its chemical constituents. In like manner we do not need to be instructed in all the mysteries of doctrine, but we do need to receive the Living Water which Jesus Christ will give us and which alone can satisfy our souls. — Sadhu Sundar Singh

At other times I wake up from the half sleep I'd fallen into, and hazy images with poetical and unpredictable colours play out their silent show to my inattention. — Fernando Pessoa

Well, you look like something the cat dragged in," he remarked, immediately laying a hand on the warrior's forehead and closing his eyes in order to assess the damage done to the warrior's abused body.
Gideon did not understand why Elijah found his remark so terribly funny, but the warrior was laughing so hard that his nurse pinched him in the arm to stop him.
"I can't keep pressure with your chest bobbing up and down. Besides, Gideon will never be that funny," she said, giving him a cockeyed look. — Jacquelyn Frank

My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. — Barry Marshall

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in." — Henny Youngman

What if the drive to survive was a form of faith, a form of prayer? — Anne Rice

Some things must happen so that others may come to pass. — Lynda A. Calder

My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health. — Cassandra Clare

It is one of the strange facts of experience that when we try to think about the future, our thoughts jump backwards. It may well be that nature has some fundamental metaphysical law by which opening up what we call the future also opens up the past in equal degree. — R. Buckminster Fuller

While I'm fixing up this idiot. I want you to get some sleep ... and tell Amano that if he bothers you, I'll break his other leg. — Julie Kagawa