Funny Mama Quotes & Sayings

So what is your middle name?"
"O. That's my middle initial."
"Hmmm. It's probably something hideous like Orville, that would be so funny ... Oh ... it's not really ... Orville. Is it?"
He nods.
"Nooooooo!"
He nods again.
"I'm so sorry. I can't believe that. It's not hideous ... but really? Why would your mama do that to you? I mean-" I give up because now he's wiping his eyes and it really is too funny. — Willow Aster

They are not grey roots! This is my new fifty shades of grey OMBRE hairstyle! — Tanya Masse

Be ready at seven and I'll take you to dinner first."
"First?" Just because I asked, didn't mean I plannedto go. I was a master at rationalization.
"Before I take you home and fuck you until you forget your mother's name."
"If I have any thought of my mama while you're fucking me, you're definitely doing something wrong. — Amber Kell

It's funny how you can remember special things about a person. It's Mama's hands I remember. When I was little and she'd dress me, her hands would be all up under my chin fastnin up my shirt. I'd smell the Clorox. I hated it because it made the inside of my nose burn. She said it didn't bother her and maybe one day I'd get used to it. Sometimes now, I run a little water in the sink. Then I add some Clorox and let my hands splash around in it. And then I smell. Long, deep breaths. I smell Mama. — Sandi Morgan Denkers

It was incomprehensible to her that anyone should be amused by such a circumstance, but both Gilly and Gideon plainly thought it excessively funny, so she smiled dutifully, realizing the truth of her mama's dictum, that there was never any knowing what stupidities men would find diverting. — Georgette Heyer

All right, baby," Daphne crooned.
"Talk to Mama and tell me all your secrets ... — Jennifer Estep

What we want most is to be held ... and told..that everything (everything is a funny thing, is baby milk and papa's eyes, is roaring logs on a cold morning, is hoot owls and the boy who makes you cry after school, is mama's long hair, is being afraid and twisted faces on the bedroom wall) ... is going to be alright. — Truman Capote

PAXTON OSGOOD'S FUTURE HUSBAND
Will be kind
Will be funny
Will be accepting
Will be be able to cook
Will be a good kisser
Will always surprise me
Will argue with me and sometimes let me win,
but not always
Will be mysterious
Will always love me, no matter what I look like
Mama will not like him, which means
I will love him even more — Sarah Addison Allen

Children when they ask you why your mama so funny say she is a poet she don't have no sense — Lucille Clifton

You're pretty sassy this morning, son. Is it all about Reingold's rulings?"
"That didn't suck, but I've got me a fascinating, beautiful woman I'm falling for. Falling hard."
"Quick work."
"In the blood. My mama and daddy barely did more than look at each other, and that was that. She's got me, Russ. Right here." He tapped a fist on his heart.
"Surely it's not considerably lower where she's got you?"
"There, too. But, Jesus, Russ, she does it for me. I just think about her, and ... I swear I could look at her for hours. Days."
Brooks let out a half-laugh, edged with a little surprise. "I'm done. I'm gone. — Nora Roberts

All of a sudden Yutaka realized he had created a cloud of dust all around him. Oh no! No! This sucks. This blows more than your mama! Hey, now's not the time to come up with stupid jokes! — Koushun Takami

On hearing this remark, my heart jumped clear up in my throat.. I thought surely it was going to hop right out on the depot platform. I looked up and tried to tell him who I was, but something went wrong. When the words finally came out they sounded like the squeaky old pulley on our well when Mama drew up a bucket of water. — Wilson Rawls

There ain't no "baby mama drama" up in this Vortex, homie! — Esther Hicks

He looks up and up and up to get to her face. His mama's a tall lady, and he's only seven. He's overwhelmed by red. Red heels, red nails, red lips, red hair, red eyes. So help him, the boy has always thought his mama's copper-colored eyes damn near shined red. He looks into those eyes and knows she's come home funny. — Carolyn Lee Adams

Oh! Thanks for the public service announcement about what not to do in college, Mr. Eighteen-year-old-frat-boy-with-eleventy-billion-'serious'-girlfriends-under-his-belt!
Get in the fucking car. You're a mean drunk.
You haven't seen me mean, mama's boy!
I told you we're close!
Yeah, so are me and my asshole! Doesn't mean I'm going to call it twice a day!
You're a bitch!
Take. Me. Home.
I'd love to, if you'd get in the fucking car! — Jamie McGuire

COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up! — Tanya Masse

What we want most is only to be held ... and told ... that everything (everything is a funny thing, is baby milk and Papa's eyes, is roaring logs on a cold morning, is hoot-owls and the boy who makes you cry after school, is Mama's long hair, is being afraid, and twisted faces on the bedroom wall) ... everything is going to be all right. — Truman Capote

Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too. — Reba McEntire

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail! — Chris Rock

Ish #1 It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles. — Regina Griffin

She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth ... Look, there they are. — Molly Harper

Mama operated under the assumption that I was eight years old and incapable of feeding myself. It was physically impossible for her to cross my threshold without some form of nourishment. She once offered me cheese and crackers from her while we were standing in my kitchen. — Molly Harper

My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up, and now that's all she wears. It was so funny for me when I first started seeing Mama wear pants. It was like it wasn't Mama. Now I've bought her many a pantsuit because she just lives in them. — Dolly Parton

Mama!' Rosie tugged on my shirt. 'This broccoli is tasty and wonderful'. — Curtis Sittenfeld

Oh no! Akri-Nicky! You okay? The Simi didn't know it was her favorite blue-eyed demon boy when she hit him so hard so as to protect his precious akra-mama. Oh no! You still living and breathing and not broken? 'Cause if you not, can the Simi eat your dead, meaty remains? Please, please, please? Maybe some of them bones, too, 'cause the marrow can be quite tasty in its own right. Simi. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Don't swear in front of my kids, Papaw," Bill said hotly. "Daddy, hush," Mama said. "I'll swear anytime I goddamn want to, Billy Cantrell," Papaw replied. "You Christians are so uptight. Every time you sit down, I hold my breath because I'm afraid you'll suck the whole goddamn world up your asses." "Daddy!" Mama cried. "It's true, Martha. You should know. There's a hole in the sofa where you're always sitting. Probably got half the living room swirling around in your rectum. Billy's probably got half of Tupelo up his ass. Next time something comes up missing, Shelly, just tell him to bend over and take a look in his ass because that's probably where it is. — Nick Wilgus

I don't need a personal trainer ... I need someone to stalk me and threaten to kick my ass when I eat and drink stuff I'm not supposed to! — Tanya Masse