Funny Jimmy Fallon Quotes & Sayings

I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep. — Jimmy Fallon

Thank you adult mittens, for allowing me to give people the finger without them knowing it. — Jimmy Fallon

Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one. — Jimmy Fallon

I'm so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I'm a little concerned he also brought his old desk and Kevin Eubanks. I just want Jay to be comfortable, but not too comfortable. — Jimmy Fallon

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves. — Jimmy Fallon

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. — Jimmy Fallon

It was a great Olympics - Team USA finished the games with 17 more medals than China. China said it was tough to swallow - especially when they had to make all of our "We're #1" T-shirts. — Jimmy Fallon

The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him. — Jimmy Fallon

A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade. — Jimmy Fallon

Mitt Romney will travel to London where he will attend the Olympics opening ceremony. Of course it's going ot be weird when they're announcing all the countries, and he's like 'Got a bank account there, got one there, two bank accounts there.' — Jimmy Fallon

Apple is apparently building a large solar energy farm in North Carolina. And if there's any justice, the minute they're done building it, God will introduce a newer, smaller sun that's not compatible with their machinery. — Jimmy Fallon

Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.' — Jimmy Fallon

Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all. — Jimmy Fallon

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend. — Jimmy Fallon