Funny Irish Quotes & Sayings

Your circumstances and situations never keep you down. The only things that keep you down and keep you stuck are your thoughts. — John Kehoe

You write because everything dies, to save what dies. — Austin Wright

So, throw honor out the window." "Honor," I said with a snort. "Honor has no place in survival." The — Veronica Roth

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid. — Frank Carson

I was leaving the hotel to get to the fight when my phone went and someone said 'Hello Ricky, it's Tom'. I said 'Tom who?' and when he said 'Tom Jones' I told him to eff off! I thought it was a wind-up! — Ricky Hatton

My grandmothers are Irish-American and German-American; my grandfather is from the Caribbean. My father is African-American. My family looked funny. I just started naturally imitating whoever I was talking to. I didn't want to be a phony, but I felt very authentic in the moment. — Sarah Jones

I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together. — Judy Garland

I think Irish women are strong as horses, incredibly loyal and for the most part, funny, witty, bright and optimistic in the face of devastating reality. — Fionnula Flanagan

My dad was a very funny man - he's the one who taught me life would be awfully hard without humor! I'm sure his Irish wit in some way influenced my decision to become an actress. — Joan Cusack

First, I'm going to teach you how to Irish Whip someone."
"Oh, that sounds kinky. I want my safeword to be peaches," I said, grinning. — Kyle Adams

I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, "Yeah, whatever." And it was him, but I even went to him, "That's not even a good Irish accent!" — Noel Fielding

In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs. — John Pentland Mahaffy

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p. — Frank Carson

My wife's a loving, funny, Irish-spirited person, and I'm still surprised at some of the things she says. She makes me laugh every day. — Gary Sinise

Writing is a holy occupation. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Humor has historically been tied to the mores of the day. The Yellow Kid was predicated on what people thought was funny about the immigrant Irish. When you're different in a society, you're funny. — Will Eisner

I close my eyes while driving and just sing along. I always open them again in time. — Tyra Banks

There was no attack on religion because people were generally indifferent to religion. They were neither hot nor cold. They were the tepid, the materialistic, who hoped that by Sunday churchgoing they would be taking care of the afterlife, if there were an afterlife. Meanwhile they would get everything they could in this. — Dorothy Day

I'd be willing to bet that any incursion throughout history in which the invading country has proclaimed it is bringing benefits to the conquered is based on a lie. — Peter Shaffer

The message coming out of Washington, especially from our leftist politicians and the news media, is that we solve our budget problems by raising taxes on the rich. If Americans were more informed, such a message would be insulting to our intelligence. There are not enough rich people to satisfy Congress' appetite. — Walter E. Williams

I'm one-half Cherokee, one-half Irish, one-half Turkish, one-half Australian and one-half Korean." "Excuse me, but that's five halves," said Maggie. — Cuthbert Soup

The wise person knows it is fruitless to project hopes and fears on the future. This only leads to forming melodramatic representations in your mind and wasting time. — Epictetus

Irish Alzheimer's: you forget everything except the grudges — Judy Collins

Kate giggled. "Excellent choice."
"I always make excellent choices."
"I don't know about that."
"Of course I do. I picked ye, didn't I? — Whitney K.E.

Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list? — Frank Carson

Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it. — Daniel Tosh

Eternal vigilance is the price of sexual confidence. — Lionel Tiger

Snowfall-funny name for a ski resort town,at least the falling part.It made me worry I would take my dog for a walk one afternoon and slip into an icy crevice,never to be heard from again. The only evidence that I'd ever existed would be Doofus the Irish setter, trotting happily home,dragging his leash. — Jennifer Echols

Paris answered for him. "Last time he spread the flashing love, Reyes threw up all over his shirt. I never laughed so hard in my life. Lucien, though, has no sense of humor and vowed never to take us again."
"I'm surprised you didn't mention the part where you fainted," Lucien said wryly.
Strider chortled. "Oh, man. You fainted? What a baby!"
"Hey," Paris said, frowning at Lucien. "I told you I hit my head midflash."
Lucien — Gena Showalter

Wehehehehell, if it isn't Ollie-Ollie-oxidant-free ... "
You can take ... all the tea in China ... put it in a big brown ... bag for me.
He's as sweet as tupelo honey; he's an angel of the first degree.
Men with insight ... men in granite ... knights in armor bent on ... chivalry.
He's as sweet as ... tupelo honey; just like honey, baby ... from the bee."
=> For those who read and liked "When Irish eyes are sparkling"
Can i have a musician here? — Tom Collins