Funny Husband And Wife Quotes & Sayings

The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn't say. — Alfred Hitchcock

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

You don't appreciate a faithful husband when you've got one,' said Tommy.
'All my friends tell me you never know with husbands,' said Tuppance.
'You have the wrong kind of friends,' said Tommy. — Agatha Christie

A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it. — Pawan Mishra

I don't even remember the first time I did meth in front of my child. This is mostly because I've never actually done meth. But it's a good way to start out a chapter about how you fear you're failing as a parent because it sets the bar of child-rearing very, very low and everything you do that isn't meth in front of your children seems incredibly impressive by comparison. My — Jenny Lawson

Caroline's lips thinned, her face flushed. "My husband, sir, has more secrets in his tiny, insignificant mind than the entire British War Department has had on file since its inception." She huffed with pure, disgusted outrage, lowering her gaze to the floor to murmur, "I'll kill him. — Adele Ashworth

Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I've been fighting to be who I am all my life. What's the point of being who I am, if I can't have the person who was worth all the fighting for? — Stephanie Lennox

Drink it down, baby, and look forward to being sick. — Ernest Hemingway,

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was. — Frank Carson

Opposities are married. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Forgiving's a choice you make - a gift you give to somebody even if they don't deserve it. It costs nothing, but it makes you feel rich for giving it away. — Lurlene McDaniel

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. — Bill Cosby

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife. — E.W. Howe

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Marriage is sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness. That union is not merely between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God. — Russell M. Nelson

Unlike classical liberalism, which saw the government as a necessary evil, or simply a benign but voluntary social contract for free men to enter into willingly, the belief that the entire society was one organic whole left no room for those who didn't want to behave, let alone "evolve. — Jonah Goldberg

No, I promised him I wouldn't fight a giant." "So you obey the letter of the law and not the spirit," she said. "Yes." My teeth finally stopped chattering. I loved my turtleneck. I loved my jacket. I loved my boots. Mmm, wonderful warm boots. "How come when I do that, you chew me out?" "Because you don't do it well enough to get away with it." Julie blinked. "What kind of move was that, at the end?" "It's from Escrima, a Filipino martial art. I'll show you when we get a minute, but you will have to practice, because it has to be done really fast for it to work. — Ilona Andrews

There is strong. There is Army Strong. And then there is Army Wife Strong. — Aditi Mathur Kumar

By the way,' she added, 'you were talking about an ocarina. I have one if you'd care to have it. It belongs to my daughter who is in Las Palombas with her husband and I know she won't want it.' 'I say, that's awfully jolly of you,' said Bill. 'Funny thing, I know a chap in Las Palombas called Fairweather. I wonder if your daughter knows him. His wife is a peach. I saw her at the Barchester Palais de Danse with Fairweather last time I was on leave.' Mrs. — Angela Thirkell

Prayer is the opening of the heart to God as to a friend. Not that it is necessary in order to make known to God what we are, but in order to enable us to receive Him. — Ellen G. White

A book brings its own history to the reader. — Alberto Manguel

Most of a husband's life is spent in doing research on his wife. — Pawan Mishra

No chimpanzee husband would stand by while his wife lost all her coconuts. — Kurt Vonnegut

Stars are holes in the sky from which the light of the infinite shines. — Confucius

All the contact I have had with politics has left me feeling as though I had been drinking out of spitoons. — Ernest Hemingway,

Guess it's high time we add the 8th vow in marriage promising that we shall spend time with our husband or wife more than with social networking sites! — Manasa Rao

The doctor's wife ate two apples a day, just to be safe. But her husband kept coming home. — Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Funny, there was a reason that people "built" lives together. Although the choices you made as husband and wife were not bricks, and time was not mortar, you were still constructing something tangible and real. — J.R. Ward

Nookie." I giggle because the word itself is funny but hearing her say it makes it even more so. "I'm going to give you some advice because you're still a new wife - and because my son can be a little shit at times. I know; I'm his mum." She looks around as though she's about to reveal top-secret information. "Nookie equals power and there's a reason he wants it from you all the time. It levels the playing field. Don't like something he's doing? Take the nookie away. Get the results you want. Need him to see things your way but he refuses? Withhold the nookie and he'll make the fastest attitude adjustment you've ever seen. Want your husband to retire because he's going to work himself into an early grave and miss his grandchildren growing up the way he missed his kids? Close the gates of nookie and get your husband home with you instead of burying him. That's how you work it, darling. You use the power of the nookie to get the results you want. — Georgia Cates

Because right now, he is staring at me with these blue eyes. Not the usual blue. Not like my Mister-Know-It-All-blue. My mister has turquoise-blue eyes. This guy has a more sophisticated version of turquoise. His eyes are teal. Teal signifies trustworthiness and reliability. It promotes spiritual advancement and commitment. — Ritika Chhabra