Funny Fart Quotes & Sayings

Actions defined a man; words were a fart in the wind. — Mario Puzo

I want to do it too!" said Gazzy, sitting very, very quietly, completely motionless.
"Nope," said Nudge, shaking her head. "You stand out like a fart in church. — James Patterson

God is the most important thing in our lives. I suppose that's true of everybody's lives, whether or not they want to believe it. — Nicholas Sparks

I do feel like a Clevelander. Every time, when people ask me, I automatically say, 'My home is Cleveland.' — Kyrie Irving

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens. — Frank Carson

You love someone, you've got to let something go. — Mark Haddon

He had a real mother, and a stepfather named Bart who Martin called Fart but only with his brothers and James — Marthe Jocelyn

I swear by the self-assurance with which elderly men sitting in public tilt sideways to allow the gas to escape loudly. — Pawan Mishra

It is so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived light in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done. — Matthew Arnold

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner. — Britney Spears

You didn't know whether Chuck Berry was black or white - it was not a concern. — Keith Richards

People say that you always have to tell the truth. But they do not mean this because you are not allowed to tell old people that they are old and you are not allowed to tell people if they smell funny or if a grown-up has made a fart. And you are not allowed to say, 'I don't like you,' unless that person has been horrible to you. — Mark Haddon

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's. — Jonathan Tropper

A fart in the face is love. — James Kidd

I seek no way out,
only the one way street in. — Adyasha Das

If allowed to run free of the social system, capitalism will attempt to corrupt and undermine democracy, which is after all not a natural state. — John Ralston Saul

HYSTERICAL HISTORY Bumping into Vincent O'Neil makes me think about what Uncle Frankie said. I need new material for Boston, not Vincent's stale and stinky fart jokes from The Big Book of Butt Bugles and Blampfs. So I keep my eyes open for new concepts to work out as I go to history class that afternoon. We're supposed to give a presentation on our favorite president. I chose Millard Fillmore. Why? Because nobody else will. Plus, his name is funny. Who knows? Maybe I'll get a whole bit out of him for Boston. I roll to the front of the class and prop a portrait of President Fillmore on the flip-chart easel. "Millard Fillmore was the thirteenth president of the United States. Born in January 1800, he was named after a duck. No, I'm sorry. That was his brother Mallard Fillmore. Millard Fillmore was the last member of the Whig Party to ever hold the office of president. Probably because they all wore wigs. — James Patterson

Heat radiated off Henry's face. Salty snot ran down his upper lip. A majestic fart propelled him to the top of Section 12, just at the springing of the stadium's curve. He slapped the sign as if high-fiving a teamate. It gave back a game shudder. He was crusing now, darkness be damned, stripping off his sweatshirt and his long underwear top without breaking stride. — Chad Harbach

What did you do?" "Blew up a fuel depot, stole twelve rockets and made off with them in a stolen van, got kidnapped by a maniac, and had dinner with a guy who farted fire." "That would be funny, but I'm worried it's all true." "It's been a long couple days." "Did he really fart fire?" Morelli asked. — Janet Evanovich

That is a fart without wind ... in reference to when you can't back up what you say. very funny. — Faye Kellerman

I'm out of the room in the next instant, like a man wanting breath, after suffocating through the horror of a burrito eating obese man's fart." - Emily Dolt — Nix Banner

Half an hour into the movie, Margot started giggling, but it wasn't a funny part or anything. When Quinn looked over at her, she was covering her mouth and nose with one hand while waving the other in front of her. He couldn't hide his shock. No fucking way!
"Margot! You did not just fart!" Quinn exclaimed. He was absolutely dumbfounded. No woman has ever farted in front of him, not even his mom.
"I am sorry!" She laughed. "You would have never known if it did not smell!"
Quinn burst out laughing. He caught a whiff and laughed harder as he clapped a hand over his nose. It wasn't that bad, but he decided to play along. He was laughing so hard that he had tears running down his face. He couldn't remember the last time he laughed until he cried. Margot too was laughing so hard that she had tears running down her face. She gave him a playful shove, which only made it harder for him to breathe. — Andria Large

And the day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United States will do away all this artificial scaffolding...

{Letter to John Adams, April 11, 1823} — Thomas Jefferson

I'm very organized - and the best thing - when you love your work, you don't mind putting in 15 hour days. It's joyful. — Adriana Trigiani

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart? — Janet Evanovich

Pugnacity is a form of courage, but a very bad form. — Sinclair Lewis

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death. — Michael Bassey Johnson

Predate your telling me, T.T. — Jeffery Deaver

So the Trustees of Ohio State were right in 1956 when they canned the English instructor for assigning Catcher in the Rye to his freshman class. They knew there is no qualitative difference between the kid who thinks it's funny to fart in chapel, and Che Guevara. They knew then Holden Caulfield would found SDS. — E.L. Doctorow

Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt.
Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt's collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I'd
met them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on top
of it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted.
"Hindenburg," I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. "Walt, why in the world - ?"
"Sorry!" he yelled. "Wrong amulet!"
The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn't much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawed
at the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas.
I moved to Walt's side and tried to get my bearings. — Rick Riordan

Every particle being connected with every other; you can't fart without changing the balance in the universe. It makes living a funny joke with nobody around to laugh. — Philip K. Dick

Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny. — Mark Hoppus

People nowadays don't know about the Cold War and the U.S.'s old rivalry with the U.S.S.R. — Hideo Kojima

Ela did you just fart? Because you just blew me away. — Mark A. Cooper

[the car] backfired a lot. Loud enough that when I drove in the wrong part of town and it let loose with a gas fart, people actually ducked for cover. — Adrienne Wilder

Girls don't poop, so don't claim you do. You can fart - because farting is funny - but we don't want to know that you poop. — Ryan Hansen

I read 'The Shining' before I ever saw the movie, when I was maybe 12. — Rachel Sklar

If people are talking behind your back, then just fart. — Thabang Gideon Magaola

Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up ... there are too many people. — Doug Stanhope

the modern age the definition of a "racist" is a conservative who is winning an argument. — Peter Brimelow

I don't really know. I think the first test is when you're very little and you fart, and you laugh at it and so do your friends and family. I knew before I was funny I was very annoying so I have that covered. I think it was because I was not very good in school I used humor as a defense mechanism. When I started doing plays and stuff at school I decided that I was going to keep doing it until someone tells me to stop and get a real job. — Joel McHale