Funny Fake Relationship Quotes & Sayings

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. — Henny Youngman

His computer skills awed the office ladies. They treated him like Gandalf. — Rainbow Rowell

Any man who pursues for peace is a remarkable man! — Mehmet Murat Ildan

They did not take their life seriously and despised it as something of no consequence. They preferred to close their eyes and to live in the past. Life for such people became meaningless. Naturally — Viktor E. Frankl

It was said that one of them, either the actor or the history teacher, was superfluous in this world, but you weren't, you weren't superfluous, there is no duplicate of you to come and replace you at your mother's side, you were unique, just as every ordinary person is unique, truly unique. — Jose Saramago

I was hoping to feel something when I saw her. She was my incubating uterus and birthday party thrower for the last seventeen years. I half expected a rush of warmth or memories, some familiarity. I flinch away from the stranger in front of me. — Colleen Hoover

The better to eat you with, my dear. — Marissa Meyer

The local natives were particularly curious to know why the English required such huge quantities of pepper and there was much scratching of heads until it was finally agreed that English houses were so cold that the walls were plastered with crushed pepper in order to produce heat. — Giles Milton

I am not fake, I am just too good to be true (-: — Mahsati Abdul

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. — Sharon Stone

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. — Courteney Cox

Hello?" I say, sounding upbeat, and like I'm happy to be on the phone. I decide to pretend it's my imaginary girlfriend. Fuck pretending to be nice.
"Yo, " B. J. Says.
"What's going on, honey?" I say, trying to glance at Courtney out of the corner of my eye without her noticing that that's what I'm doing. She's going through her bag, probably looking for more makeup, so she can make herself look good for Lloyd.
"Honey?" B. J. Asks. "Jordy, I had no idea you felt that way about me. I have to warn you, though, I happen to be in a very committed relationship. "
"Yeah, I miss you, too. — Lauren Barnholdt

How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag? — Madi Brown

I don't like [the pressure] that people put on me, on women-that you've failed yourself as a female because you haven't procreated. This continually is said about me: that I was so career-driven and focused on myself; that I don't want to be a mother, and how selfish that is. — Jennifer Aniston