Funny Email Signature Quotes & Sayings

You call me a bitch? Well, a bitch is a dog, dogs bark, bark is on trees, trees are part of nature and nature is beautiful so thanks for the compliment. — Anonymous

Jones? Christian interrupts my train of thought. "I want you to kneel up on this," he says when we're at the table. Oh, okay. What does he have in mind? My inner goddess can't wait to find out - she's already scissor-kicked onto the table and is watching him with adoration. He gently lifts me onto the table, and I fold my legs beneath me and kneel in front of him, surprised by my own grace. Now we are eye to eye. He runs his hands down my thighs, grasps my knees, and pulls my legs apart and stands — E.L. James

Normally if I met a guy who was unemployed and illiterate who hadn't bathed in a couple of weeks, I'd be standing in a puddle with excitement, but I'm sort of in a bad mood tonight, so take this bag and give me the fu**ing paper before I pop your head like a zit.
He said, you're a lesbian, aren't you? — Christopher Moore

Don't leave me, Amelia. Even if you don't want anything to do with me anymore, don't ever leave. I don't think I can do this without you. — Melyssa Winchester

Like many older fans of Free Software and Open Source, I have discovered that it is really only free in the sense that the time you spend on it is worthless. — Erik Naggum

I could always see him for all that he was - for all that he is. Perfect. — K.K. Allen

Many of those who pontificate about "acculturation" are inclined to underestimate this element of choice. Such processes are often described in terms suggesting that the "dominant" culture is simply imposed on unwitting, passive minorities, rather than focusing on the extent to which individuals quite consciously, deliberately, cleverly and even mockingly pick and choose amongst the behaviours and customs of their host culture — Kate Fox

The pendulum has overcorrected from the cruel era of rapping a disobedient child's knuckles with a ruler to
giving every child a trophy for showing up. Every child should have the experience of being loved unconditionally, supported, and encouraged,
but this requires more than a standing ovation every time he or she enters the room. — Ramani Durvasula

But the overwhelming number of mothers who think they have too little milk have babies who are taking plenty of milk and are gaining weight well. These mothers have based their conclusions on misinformation or a misinterpretation of their babies' behavior. — Kathleen Huggins

A small politician, of low capacity and mean surroundings, proud to act as the servile tool of men worse than himself but also stronger and abler. — Theodore Roosevelt

Poison? Drugs?"
"No chemical works that instantly. You saw the guy - it looked like he was still reading his program."
"Then what, magical fairy dust? Vulcan death grip?"
"Focus, Lex. Wake up that lonely brain cell. — Gina Damico

I'm really into the human interest thing. I really like regular people. — Chelsea Handler