Funny Egg Quotes & Sayings

I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan. — Oliver Herford

Look, a couple years ago my mom and dad got on that big game show. Remember, Brand? Mom spent a month makin' those funny costumes. She was a giant egg. Dad was a frying pan. Dad kept sayin' we were gonna live on Easy Street. So we drove all the way to Hollywood. When we got there, they put us in this big audience with all these other people in funny costumes. Then some dude with lipstick and sprayed hair came down the stairs. He — James Kahn

The mind wants to live forever, or to learn a very good reason why not. The mind wants the world to return its love, or its awareness ... The mind's sidekick, however, will settle for two eggs over easy. The dear, stupid body is easily satisfied as a spaniel. And, incredibly, the simple spaniel can lure the brawling mind to its dish. It is everlastingly funny that the proud, metaphysically ambitious mind will hush if you give it an egg. — Annie Dillard

Is an egg a vegetable? — Jodie Marsh

A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg." — Frank Carson

There was a zombie at my back door. Its eyes swung up, and they were blue, the whites already clouding with the egg rot of death. Its jaw a mess of meat and frozen blood; something had eaten half its face. Its fingertips already worn down to bony nubs, scraped against the window. Flesh hung in strips from it's hand, and my stomach turned over hard. Black mist rose at the corners of my vision, and the funny rushing sound in my head sounded like a jet plane taking off. I'd know that zombie anywhere. Even if he was dead and mangled, his eyes were the same. Blue as winter ice, fringed with pale lashes. — Lilith Saintcrow

Given a choice between goose egg and heartache, I would choose heartache. — Santosh Kalwar

Six minutes isn't sex," I hear him
saying as my eyes crash shut. "Six
minutes is a boiled egg. — Sophie Kinsella

It is everlastingly funny that the proud, metaphysically ambitious, clamoring mind will hush if you give it an egg. — Annie Dillard

What's it like? Ballet school?"
"Harsh," he said. "Everyone dances until they collapse. We eat only raw-egg smoothies and wheat protein. Every Friday we have a dance-off and whoever is left standing gets a chocolate bar. Also we have to watch dance movies constantly. — Cassandra Clare

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder. — Chic Murray

Stop hiding condoms in my stuff. It's like some twisted Easter egg hunt in there. — Alyxandra Harvey

Be ruthless about protecting writing days, i.e., do not cave in to endless requests to have "essential" and "long overdue" meetings on those days. The funny thing is that, although writing has been my actual job for several years now, I still seem to have to fight for time in which to do it. Some people do not seem to grasp that I still have to sit down in peace and write the books, apparently believing that they pop up like mushrooms without my connivance. I must therefore guard the time allotted to writing as a Hungarian Horntail guards its firstborn egg. — J.K. Rowling

I was the girl with cake batter in her hair, egg on her shirt and her foot in her mouth. Always. — Kari Luna

Incredible to think isn't it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery. — Milton Jones

These eggs are broken. Cracked."
"Yes, ma'am. That happens sometimes."
"Does it?"
"Yes, it's the unfortunate part of being an egg. — Peter Hedges

Roan tried not to stare, but the guard's head was almost perfectly egg shaped. He wanted to ask him if he'd ever had a hen sit on him by mistake. — Andrea Speed

He blinked a few times, each motion so slow that he was never quite sure if he'd get his eyes open again. He wasn't wearing a shirt. Funny how he was only just realizing it. Funnier still that he couldn't seem to summon any concern for her maidenly sensibilities.
She might be blushing. He couldn't tell. It was too dark to see. But it didn't matter. This was Honoria. She was a good egg. A sensible egg. She wouldn't be scarred forever by the sight of his chest. — Julia Quinn

The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg ... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder. — Bill Bailey

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. — Rodney Dangerfield