Funny Dane Cook Quotes & Sayings

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny. — Dane Cook

Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's very funny. — Dane Cook

Onstage, it's all just a heightened and more elaborate version of me. When you're standing onstage, your adrenaline is going, your enthusiasm is at full tilt, and the excitement helps elevate you're attitude. I've always wanted to be as close to myself offstage, being funny with my buddies, and that's what I've worked hard on - being authentic to who I really am. — Dane Cook

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect." — Dane Cook

I was being chased by a giant crab. [Audience laughs] That's not funny. — Dane Cook

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. — Dane Cook

I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny. — Dane Cook

I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning. — Dane Cook

My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create a character that you think is funny. Some comedians get into bad habits when they are trying to create something that is not them, and they are trying to write a voice that isn't their true voice. — Dane Cook

I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50. — Dane Cook

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show. — Dane Cook