Funny Cucumber Quotes & Sayings

I'm sorry, was that homophobic? No-I think it was, 'cause I hear that a lot. Dave, What?, You're talking about being gay. You probably secretly are gay. And I'm like listen voice in my head, I'm not! HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT? HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT? I know I wouldn't like it, other scarier voice in my head! Cause one time while making a sandwich, a cucumber went up my ass. Three times. — Dave Attell

It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source. — Ellen DeGeneres

I held in the sneeze, though, by thinking of the word cucumber. It always works. — Merrie Haskell

Watching him from a distance for ten years doesn't make you an expert, you know!"
"Sleeping with him for two months doesn't make you one, either," she said, cool as a cucumber.
Churchill recoiled with a wide-eyed "oh no she DIDN'T" expression that might have been funny under different circumstances. — Jane Seville