Funny Comments Quotes & Sayings

It's usually the funny comments which are the better ones - and they are good for the game. — Andrew Flintoff

Each time I write a book, every time I face that yellow pad, the challenge is so great. I have written eleven books, but each time I think, 'Uh oh, they're going to find out now. I've run a game on everybody and they're going to find me out. — Maya Angelou

Your perception is riveting, Amal," he says in a bored and sarcastic tone, dropping the note down on my desk. "It's comforting to know that there are people in my class who have the maturity and intelligence to make derogatory comments about other people's external appearances."
Now what am I supposed to say to that?
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
Friggin' mind reader. — Randa Abdel-Fattah

Would I have fared better if I had stood my ground and stared down my pursuers? Could so-called self-preservation sometimes backfire and become the very cause of pain? — David Michie

We have been taught to regard a representative of the people as a sentinel on the watch-tower of liberty. — Daniel Webster

She did not smile, but her face had the lovely serenity that can become a smile without transition. — Ayn Rand

So long as readers keep reading and my publishers keep publishing, I plan to keep on writing. I'd have to be an idiot to be burnt-out in this job. — Lee Child

I have started a new blog W.A.R.(Writers Amongst Readers) for all those writing or reading books. Quotes, excerpts, comments from the world's greatest writers. See robinhawdonblog — Robin Hawdon

If the historian will submit himself to his material instead of trying to impose himself on his material, then the material will ultimately speak to him and supply the answers. — Barbara W. Tuchman

Wit is the thought process that generates truly funny observations, as well as the most incisive comments, lasting quips, and brilliant asides. To say wit is mean is like saying the sun is mean for burning you: The giant ball of hot plasma at the center of our solar system is bigger than that, and why weren't you wearing sunscreen in the first place? — Benjamin Errett

Just three words? Nothing about his physical health? His equipment? His supplies?'

'You got me,' she said. 'He left a detailed status report. I just decided to lie for no reason.'

'Funny,' Venkat said. 'Be a smart-ass to a guy seven levels above you at your company. See how that works out.'

'Oh no,' Mindy said. 'I might lose my job as an interplanetary voyeur? I guess I'd have to use my master's degree for something else.'

'I remember when you were shy.'

'I'm space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job. — Andy Weir

This is how it starts. This is how I set myself up for pain and tragedy and endings where I want eternities. — Kiersten White

The people I grew up around who I really liked were quick on the draw. It always just wowed me. And my mum would make weird funny comments. I can see in myself her self-deprecating, hippie humour. I can't take myself too seriously. — Drew Barrymore

The only way to get ahead in the music business these days is to call up all your friends. To pool your resources. — Shelby Lynne

People don't understand that when I'm on the show I'm totally relaxed, hanging out, having a fun time, watching videos, and being goofy. Sometimes I say stupid comments, just being funny, and people think I'm a dumb person. — Chanel West Coast

If you order, with the absolute conviction that his wish will come, it will happen that way. But you mix the desire, fear and regret, and that is a contradiction. — Hermann Hesse

The real seat of taste was not the tongue but the mind — Mahatma Gandhi

It's funny to hear how much certain people resist the lip ring. Sometimes I'll do a piece on an important topic and all the YouTube comments will be about the lip ring. I don't really have a good answer for why I got the lip ring. I just wanted it! But I've had it for a million years. I got my lip pierced when I was like 15. — Cara Santa Maria

I had bitten into my tongue, and I either had to spit or swallow. I swallowed. No comments, please. — Jim Butcher

Behind real freedom, there lies discipline. — Erwin McManus

It's interesting with my blog, because it feels to me less like a blog and more like a forum, because my readers are so funny and leave hysterical comments. And I'm not being humble when I say that very often, the comments are so much better than the post originally was. — Jenny Lawson

Mr. Acme comments that the new foodservice professionals in the cafeteria are two-headed carnival escapees and probably also wanted convicts. He expresses his deep conviction that the names they gave him are aliases and promises that if he finds one more cat whisker in his chicken almandine, he will hand them over to the police, whom, he is sure, will be glad to have them back. — Molly Meadows

Question: Why couldn't the clownfish buy a house? Answer: The fish could not buy a house because he didn't have an-e-mon-e! — Charlie The Cavalier

I'm trying to decide whether to tell you two to get a room or go barf in the trash can," Emma said. "I'm leaning toward the second choice. You are both getting way too weird. And gross."
Cal barked out a laugh and slid his fingers down my arm to entwine with mine. His touch, and Emma's comments, only made me blush more. Looks like Emma saw Cal lick my face after all.
Now that wasn't awkward or anything. — E.J. Stevens

Go take a shower, you smell like good sex and unnecessary regret. — Cassandra Giovanni

Fire burns blue and hot.
Its fair light blinds me not.
Smell of smoke is satisfying, tastes nourishing to my tongue.
I think fire ageless, never old, and yet no longer young.
Morning coals are cool: daylight leaves me blind.
I love the fire most because of what it leaves behind. — Penny Reid

When taking Spock to see the spores, Leila comments, "It's not much further." having been beaten about the head severely on the difference between "further" and "farther," I believe I can say with some trembling confidence that she should say, "it's not much farther." "Further" means "to a greater extent or degree" whereas "farther" means "to a greater distance." (I know this is really picky, but hey, that's my business.) — Phil Farrand

We are thinking ahead to long-term care, aware that many folks don't plan ahead and won't be ready. We want to see to it that people will have choices. — Christine Gregoire

Absence is the dark-room in which lovers develop negatives. — H.L. Mencken