Funny Comeback Quotes & Sayings

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. — Terry Pratchett

Would you like to hold my sword?" He asked the question with a gleam in his eyes.
Lucy burst out laughing. At least she didn't giggle again. "You did not just say that. But, um, yeah, I'd like to hold your sword, Agent Riley."
Hunter grinned and unzipped his backpack, pulling out something surprisingly small. He held it out to her, and noticed the disappointed look on her face. "Expecting something bigger?"
She smirked at his continued play on words. She had a lifetime of training in verbal and physical sparring; he was no match for her. "They say size doesn't matter, but I disagree."
Hunter, who apparently hadn't expected her response, choked on his own comeback and unsheathed the sword, then placed it in her hand. "You have to stroke it a certain way to make it bigger. — Kimberly Kinrade

Are you kidding me? The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. — TheFlamingPopsicle

Get the point?" I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile.
Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast.
"What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn't that what you're supposed to do in situations like this?
Too harsh? — Molly Harper

And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first! — Susan Kay

I felt my cheeks turn red, and she laughed out loud. But I didn't mind too much, because the last thing she saw was my middle finger aimed in her direction as I stepped outside — Jessica Verday

This is Glesca ... Any time you're confused, take a wee minute to remind yourself of that inescapable fact: this is Glesca. We don't do subtle, we don't do nuanced, we don't do conspiracy. We do pish-heid bampot bludgeoning his girlfriend to death in a fit of paranoid rage induced by forty-eight hours straight on the batter. We do coked-up neds jumping on a guy's heid outside a nightclub because he looked at them funny. We do drug-dealing gangster rockets shooting other drug-dealing gangster rockets as comeback for something almost identical a fortnight ago. We do bam-on-bam. We do tit-for-tat, score-settling, feuds, jealousy, petty revenge. We do straightforward. We do obvious. We do cannaemisswhodunit. When you hear hoofbeats on Sauchiehall Street, it's gaunny be a horse, no' a zebra ... '. — Christopher Brookmyre

You're so full of shit, you ought to be a cow manure — Sherrilyn Kenyon

This is an Aston Martin, Gin.You don't run over dead bodies in an Aston Matin."
"Tell that to James Bond — Jennifer Estep

Lepida, has anyone ever told you that you're a cruel spiteful selfish slut? ... You're vicious. You're unprincipled. You mistreat your slaves and abuse your daughter. And furthermore you're the worst, most neglectful, most criminal wife in Rome. I think we can go now. — Kate Quinn

What do you mean by that?"

Her frustration got the best of her. "You're so used to feeling superior that you've forgotten there are people who might know something you don't."

One of his big, competent hands landed on the blade of his hip. "What's your deal anyway? Do you feel like such a failure that you need to attack anybody who's successful?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know. Fuck you. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Always schedule your comeback. — Brooke Bida