Funny Celebrity Roast Quotes & Sayings

Chinese food in Texas is the best Chinese food in the United States except Boston. — John Updike

You rarely come across the complete footballer, but Scholes is as close to it as you can get. One of my regrets is that the opportunity to play alongside him never presented itself during my career. — Zinedine Zidane

Jane smiled the Making Lemonade smile that adults learn to do when they get used to the world stomping on their heads. — Michael R. Underwood

And as to you, Sir, treacherous in private friendship and a hypocrite in public life, the world will be puzzled to decide whether you are an apostate or an impostor; whether you have abandoned good principles, or whether you ever had any. — Thomas Paine

When you have had nothing most of your life, you learn to appreciate the small things in life. The real challenge is appreciating the small things in life as you start to acquire material things and amassing wealth.
Jim Robinson — James Morris Robinson

It's only water," she said.
"Tell that to a drowning man," Giddon said. — Kristin Cashore

I also have an idea for a book on biodiversity, and why and how we should be conserving it. — Ken Thompson

The lack of historical memory is a serious shortcoming in our society. A mentality that can only say, "Then was then, now is now", is ultimately immature. Knowing and judging past events is the only way to build a meaningful future. Memory is necessary for growth. — Pope Francis

Mere lack of success does not discredit a method, for there are many things that determine and perpetuate our sanctified ways of doing things besides their success in reaching their proposed ends. — James Harvey Robinson

Live each day with ecstatic serenity — Lailah Gifty Akita

Unfortunately, (the rumors) are going to be a part of it. But that's OK. I'm probably tested more than anybody else. I'm not hiding anything. That stuff didn't help me hit home runs. I don't care what people say, nothing is going to give you that gift of hitting a baseball. — Jason Giambi

I'm the perfect candidate to be affected by SARS. I'm highly susceptible to infections. — Ron Santo

Like attracts like, beauty finds beauty, and freaks look on from the smoking section, aching. — Laini Taylor