Quotes & Sayings About Funny Cash

Matthew Watkins: I need an afternoon pick-me-up. I accept cash and/or prizes that can be exchanged for cash. Also, hobbits. — Jessica Park

The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash. — David Letterman

Forty dollars for one adult nonrefundable ticket. You're in luck - your bus leaves in a half hour. But there's no dogs, unless that's a service animal."
"Oh, yeah," Call said, with a quick look down at Havoc. "He's totally a service dog. He was in the service - the navy, actually."
The woman's eyebrows went up.
"He saved a man," Call said, trying out the story as he counted the cash and pushed it through the slot. "From drowning. And sharks. Well, just the one shark, but it was a pretty big one. He's got a medal and everything. — Cassandra Clare

He looked at the cash siting there "What's that for?" I made myself smile "A good time. — Kasie West

Welcome to apartment life," Cash breathed.
"I sure know how to make a great first impression," I muttered, following Cash as he laughed. I didn't see what was so funny. I'd been yearning for that kiss for months.
"No welcome cookies for you then. — Shaye Evans

I'm staring at him with my mouth open - again - as he tucks his shirt back in. When he's finished, he takes a step closer to me. I stand perfectly still. His grin dies into a seductive curve of his lips that makes my knees feel funny. I'm completely spellbound and embarrassingly turned on when he bends to whisper in my ear.
"You'd better close those lips before I'm tempted to kiss them and really give you something to be all hot and bothered about." -Cash — M. Leighton

Son of a bitch!" Cash erupted. "He's wearing Nate's guns."
Reese had been too occupied gazing into those eyes to notice the oddity of a gun belt strapped around a naked waist. Cash was right. Those were Nate's pretty pearl pistols. Reese had never liked those guns. He liked them even less now.
"Sullivan, ask him where he got those," Cash demanded.
"What gave you the idea I can speak Comanche?" "Because you are one?"
"You're a jackass, but I don't expect you to talk to a donkey."
"This is no time to be funny, breed."
"Then quit trying so hard. — Lori Handeland

Yes, I direct commercials as well. I get these really weird offers and then I have to bid on them and win the job. One offer that I have now, and I've already done this last year for the same company, is for Cash Value Cheese, this cheese out in the midwest. I did two spots for them last year and I'm going to probably do three this year. I also did some for the Utah Transit Authority, which was weird and interesting and they turned out really funny - they actually won an award. — Andy Dick

I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?" — Jim Gaffigan

You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number. — Elayne Boosler

There is only one kind of life insurance, and that is pure protection based on a mortality table. All others are pure protection plus a cash value element that I call 'funny' banking. — Venita VanCaspel

On the ground, Cash gave a signal, and all the guys lined up by the pool. In unison, they stripped off their shirts and tossed them onto the grass. An audible sigh- like the ones you hear on a sitcom that is "filmed in front of a live studio audience"- filled the room. It was almost funny, really. Such a strong reaction to a bunch of shirtless boys. — Kody Keplinger

She sighed. Loudly. "Physical appearance is not what is important."
Yeah right. Tell that to any girl who hasn't bothered to put on a presentable shirt or fix her hair because she's only running into the grocery store to get a quart of milk for her grandmother, and who does she see tending the 7-ITEMS-OR-LESS cash register but the guy of her dreams, except she can't even say hi - much less try to develop a meaningful relationship - since she looks like the poster child for the terminally geeky. — Vivian Vande Velde

I wish I had only offered you
a sovereign instead of ten pounds. Give me back nine pounds, Jane; I've a use for it.'
'And so have I, sir,' I returned, putting my hands and my purse behind me. 'I could not spare the money on any account.'
'Little niggard!' said he, 'refusing me a pecuniary request! Give me five pounds, Jane.'
'Not five shillings, sir; nor five pence.'
'Just let me look at the cash.'
'No, sir; you are not to be trusted. — Charlotte Bronte

I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought ridiculous stuff. I bought a snake bite emergency kit. Then I said to my friends, "Don't even worry about snakes anymore". My friend stepped on a worm, and I said, "Lay down!" — Mitch Hedberg

Shopping for clothes is a Boyfriend Thing. You stand around and look blankly at a bunch of pieces of fabric and you look at the price tags and you wonder how something that'd barely cover your right nut can cost the price of a kidney and you watch the shop assistants check you out and wonder what you're doing with her because she's cute and you're kind of funny-looking and she tries clothes on and you look at her ass in a dozen different items that all look exactly the same and let's face it you're just looking at her ass anyway and it all blurs together and then someone sticks a vacuum cleaner in your wallet and vacuums out all the cash and you leave the store with one bag so small that mice couldn't fuck in it. Repeat a dozen times or until the front of your brain dies. — Warren Ellis

In God we trust, all others pay cash. — Margaret Atwood

Funny that all of Nixon's crimes - anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars - are all legal now. Discuss. — Bill Maher

It's funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy. — Hedy Lamarr