Funny Buying Quotes & Sayings

A woman is always buying something. — Ovid

Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network. — Rita Rudner

You have a great heart, but will only find it to be so through great pain. This is the wisdom of love, and its doubtful gift ... I have endured much suffering and still remain unbitter and unclosed. — Alison Croggon

I decided early in graduate school that I needed to do something about my moods. It quickly came down to a choice between seeing a psychiatrist or buying a horse. Since almost everyone I knew was seeing a psychiatrist, and since I had an absolute belief that I should be able to handle my own problems, I naturally bought a horse. — Kay Redfield Jamison

I don't think the objective of an abortion clinic is to try to talk women out of having the procedure. That obviously would not be positive for their bottom line. — Bob McDonnell

I am on this account not displeased that the Figure is not known as a Bald Eagle, but looks more like a Turkey. For the Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America ... He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on. — Benjamin Franklin

Their eyes, warm not only with human bond but with the shared enjoyment of the art objects he sold, their mutual tastes and satisfactions, remained fixed on him; they were thanking him for having things like these for them to see, pick up and examine, handle perhaps without even buying. Yes, he thought, they know what sort of store they are in; this is not tourist trash, not redwood plaques reading Muir Woods, Marin County, PSA, or funny signs or girly rings or postcards or views of the Bridge. The girl's eyes especially, large, dark. How easily, Childan thought, I could fall in love with a girl like this. How tragic my life, then; as if it weren't bad enough already. The stylish black hair, lacquered nails, pierced ears for the long dangling brass handmade earrings. "Your — Philip K. Dick

We all lose sight sometimes, but when we find our way again we are not only 2x stronger but we can see where we need to be, where we should be, and most importantly we understand why we are not there already. — Ian Warner

I took her dress over to the closet and hung it up. It was funny. It made me feel sort of sad when I hung it up. I thought of her going in a store and buying it, and nobody in the store knowing she was a prostitute and all. The salesman probably just thought she was a regular girl when she bought it. It made me feel sad as hell- I don't know why exactly. — J.D. Salinger

Aunt Letty was a very tough old lady: aunts often were in those days. — C.S. Lewis

The reason I keep talking about a wife and saying the word 'wife' on stage is because it seems a funny word to me. The more you say it, the more it seems to detach from that person and become this sort of abstract thing: that you would set out to find a wife, that it would be an objective like buying a new car. — Stephen Merchant

Some may not believe my account; they may think it was some kind of wish fulfillment during a point of severe trauma. I don't have to defend my experience. I know what happened to me. For those of us whose faith is in the reality of heaven, no amount of evidence is necessary. — Don Piper

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!" — Jimmy Carr

I'm just happy that I'll have someone to give all my shoes to! I'll have someone to take over everything. It's funny because I'm having a lot of fun buying clothes for my daughter. She already has shoes for when she's a size eight. She's covered for a while. — Kristin Cavallari

Nobody else can demean me. I can only demean myself — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Forgiveness should go hand-in-hand with love. — Thomas S. Monson

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into. — John Oliver

You can't just go gay, its not like buying a ladder. — Noel Fielding

Here's the plan: we get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for ... one million dollars! — Mike Myers

I can understand that an audience, buying a ticket to see a picture of mine, wants to see something funny because they feel confident that at least I have a fighting chance to make a funny film when I make a film, whereas if I make a dramatic film there's one chance in a thousand that it's really going to come out great, so I understand how they feel about that and they're completely right. — Woody Allen

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself. — Chelsea Handler

Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off with shotguns? Where's the problem? That's an unemployment solution right there, folks! It's called natural selection. — Denis Leary

I feel like if I'm going to give you a book about my dad, then I really want to give you my dad, because he is interesting and he is funny and if you're buying a book about him, I don't want you to have to sit through stuff that's not him. — Justin Halpern

Ben Says: Your greatness is in your successful future ahead of you. Not in the failures in the past you left behind.
Timothy Pina
Bullying Ben — Timothy Pina

There are so many other fun ways to dishonor the family name that buying girls' underwear shouldn't be one of them. — Rin Chupeco

It's like playing the lottery. It doesn't matter how extremely low the chances are of winning. You gotta be in it to win it. Hitting on every girl in sight is like buying a whole lot of lottery tickets. You never know, one day one of them might actually pay off. — Oliver Markus

Funny how easily you could look this shit up online. Explosives, bombs, Molotov cocktails, IEDs . . . anything you wanted. Learning how to blow someone up was easier than buying a frigging beer. — Lauren Oliver