Funny Boss Quotes & Sayings

I would like to dissolve the $10 billion national Department of Education created by President Carter and turn schools back to the local school districts, where we built the greatest public school system the world has ever seen. I think I can make a case that the decline in the quality of public education began when federal aid became federal interference. — Ronald Reagan

I keep setting the bar higher for myself in terms of what I'm trying to accomplish. — G. Willow Wilson

'If I Can Dream' is my all-time favorite Elvis song. It was a big record, but not as big as it could have been. It was one of those records where you'd think it sold 10 billion copies, but it didn't. — Darlene Love

Step one, accept she was a damn boss. Step two, hide all the knives, guns, and maybe the pillows, too. — J.J. McAvoy

When people say to me: would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss? My answer's always the same, to me, they're not mutually exclusive. — David

Midori has been a steadfast supporter of the United Nations, as a Messenger of Peace and more recently by encouraging our efforts to achieve the Millennium Development Goals. — Ban Ki-moon

It was stories like these that would stun Miller into silence, bury him alive with desire to save her. He called her "the saddest girl in the world," which she accurately interpreted as a statement as love. — Elizabeth Winder

The simplest things in life are what makes us happy eventually. A warm and comfy home, being loved, and knowing that somebody can't live without you — Ika Natassa

But life. It rushes by and then you think you'll see people... You think you'll do things and have time for this and time for that... And there is never time. This is what I have learned, Anna, I have learned that there is never as much time as you think there is. -
(Ottmar) — Miranda Emmerson

Hateful bitch of a world, it wouldn't ever last. — Jack Kerouac

Neither great nor good things were ever attained without loss and hardships. Those that would reap and not labour, must faint with the wind, and perish in disappointments; but an hair of my head shall not fall, without the providence of my Father that is over all. — William Penn

I'm often asked why I left politics and went to Halliburton and I explain that I reached the point where I was mean-spirited, short-tempered and intolerant of those who disagreed with me and they said 'Hell, you'd make a great CEO', so I went to Texas and joined the private sector. — Dick Cheney

Rappers on their sophomores ... actin' like they boss lords.
Fame's such a funny thing for sure when niggas start believing all those encores. — Pusha T

I said I'm going to hit the next one right over the flagpole. God must have been with me. — Babe Ruth

It doesn't matter what your boss thinks as long as he doesn't cry. — Gerry Geek

He looked longingly out the window at the towering skyline of New York City and thought about jumping. It would hurt less than following orders. — Kelly Moran

The other part of me wanted to get out and stay out, but this was the part I never listened to. Because if I ever had I would have stayed in the town where I was born and worked in the hardware store and married the boss's daughter and had five kids and read them the funny paper on Sunday morning and smacked their heads when they got out of line and squabbled with the wife about how much spending money they were to get and what programs they could have on the radio or TV set. I might even get rich - small-town rich, an eight-room house, two cars in the garage, chicken every Sunday and the Reader's Digest on the living room table, the wife with a cast-iron permanent and me with a brain like a sack of Portland cement. You take it, friend. I'll take the big sordid dirty crooked city. — Raymond Chandler

Nanahara: Where are you going, Boss?
Yashiro: To the convenience store. Whenever I buy all the condoms they have in stock and bring it to the cashier, the part-timer there makes a funny face.
Nanahara: ... That's an interesting hobby. — Kou Yoneda

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world. — Artie Lange

Every single day was just a box on the calendar that I could put a red X through; each one brought me closer to Lucas and to liberty. — Claudia Gray

I'm guessing you don't have to share a bathroom at your house,"

I say with the casual tone of someone who isn't waving her half-naked

bottom in the air in front of a hunky, semi-stranger and soon-to-be-

boss. I push myself to my feet and edge my way back to the dresser, this

time keeping my back to the wall.

He snorts a laugh. "No. Nor do I have a back door in my bedroom

or a collection of random people walking around my house. — Sarah Castille

I had some good friends - really funny ones. My best friend was a guy called Apolo Nsibambi. We shared an office at the Extra Mural Department at Makerere, and then I got a promotion - became Acting Director - and I was his boss! I used to tease him for calling himself "Doctor" - he had a Ph. D. in political science. I mocked him for wearing a tie and carrying a briefcase and being pompous. I went to his wedding. He came to my wedding. And then I completely lost touch with him. I wonder what happened to him.' 'Doctor Nsibambi is the Prime Minister of Uganda. — Paul Theroux

That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. — Jimmy Kimmel

Church's boss was a dick too--justice! — R.R. Virdi

Dirt's a funny thing,' the Boss said. 'Come to think of it, there ain't a thing but dirt on this green God's globe except what's under water, and that's dirt too. It's dirt makes the grass grow. A diamond ain't a thing in the world but a piece of dirt that got awful hot. And God-a-Mighty picked up a handful of dirt and blew on it and made you and me and George Washington and mankind blessed in faculty and apprehension. It all depends on what you do with the dirt. That right? — Robert Penn Warren

The question who ought to be boss is like who ought to be the tenor in the quartet? Obviously, the man who can sing tunor. — Henry Ford

This may sound funny, but as much as the 'Today' show matured me, it also was something of a cocoon. I'd been happy there. I never went into the boss's office and pounded my fist on the desk, saying, 'Give me more money! Give me a prime-time show!' — Jane Pauley

No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead. — W.C. Fields

My boss at Christmas was a lot of fun: "I want you to look in your pay envelopes and you'll know that I keep the Christmas spirit around here. Because in each and every envelope you'll find ... snow." — David Ketchum

Thomas," the boss said. "How's your father doing?" "He's good, Sal." Always the family questions first. That was Sal Demenci's style. He could be about to whack someone and he'd ask how the guy's sister was doing in school. — Gary Ponzo

The Disciplined Leader is someone who focuses on the 20 percent of activities that drive 80 percent of results. — John Manning

If you're anxious to shine in the high aesthetic line as a man of culture rare, you must get up all the germs of the transcendental terms, and plant them everywhere. — W.S. Gilbert

Well, clearly not. Goodness boss, just look at those filthy paws. I've never seen any fish carry paws like those. Usually they are cleaner. — H.S. Crow

I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired. — Ellen DeGeneres

I swear to God, Boss," he said one day. "Ya ain't never been a talker, but lately, if ya'd a had to rub two words together to make a fire, you'd a done froze to death. — Eli Easton

If I didn't have my parents to think about I'd have given in my notice a long time ago, I'd have gone up to the boss and told him just what I think, tell him everything I would, let him know just what I feel. He'd fall right off his desk! And it's a funny sort of business to be sitting up there at your desk, talking down at your subordinates from up there, especially when you have to go right up close because the boss is hard of hearing. — Franz Kafka