Funny Book Quotes Quotes & Sayings

He fits me without a flaw. At the beginning, I was apprehensive that he might swallow me whole and I'd disappear for having him. After the time spent together, I'm certain that Colton is the day to my night. And we both have the same value, power, control, individuality and independency. No one disappears. We are like an equinox. Just like the day moves into the night and then night into day, we both complete each other and build a partnership. We are two different entities co-existing superbly, letting each other be but never leaving each other's side. — Kristina Steiner

Not to alarm you or anything, but I think you just made a deal with a Mexican gang. I've read Simone Elkeles books. I know how this whole garage as a front thing works. — Tammy Blackwell

My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams. — Nenia Campbell

Stay in the car Nick"
"okay."
Ash gets out abd goes to look at the dead body.
"For an immortal being with 11,000 years under his belt Ash sure is stupid." Nick gets out and sees the blood.
"That's a lot of blood." Nick's book starts sending him an alert. "What Lassie? You going to tell Timmy about the well?" pulls out book, and opens it. words start to appear.
LOOK AND YOU
WILL SEE THAT
WHICH WAS CAN
NEVER BE.
WHEN THEY
SEEK A BOY
YOUR AGE ...
... RUN, YOU
FLIPPIN
MORON, RUN!
"I'm not gonna argue with my book on that. The safest place is with Ash. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

(If plan KTB kill the bastard) didn't work, well, gray would resort to Plan B: Operation Oh Sh** — Gena Showalter

Not that it isn't great to see you. But it's not so great for you. What'd you do wrong? Laugh at his dick? — Margaret Atwood

Hello Miss," I said in a feverish manner. "I'm Jack, and of course I will muck out your horse for you." I grinned a huge dumb smile right at her. "I'm always happy to help."

She was taken aback, gazing at me confused. She wasn't sure if I was being sarcastic, or if I was just some village simpleton who always said too much. — LeeAnn Whitaker

Sadly for you, I think I'm going to live, Simi. You can stop slapping me now. I've already lost enough sense. Can't afford to lose any more brain cells. I really really need my last three before I forget how to spell my name. It's hard enough to pronounce." Nick
"well, poo. Not poo that you'll live, 'cause the Simi would probably miss you if you died, but poo that I'll miss all that good old salty boy meat. Though we needs be fatting you up some to make you really good eats. Hmmm." Simi — Sherrilyn Kenyon

She must have been very anxious about a first boy friend to fall in love with a Colgate boy — Haidji

The thing is, Fallon ... I told you before to lock the door if you wanted me to stay out. Funny thing is ... " I leaned in. "You. Never. Did. — Penelope Douglas

Women were tricky creatures under the best of circumstances. This was not the best of circumstances. — Genevieve Dewey

Sean was stung. "I do not fuck everything that has a pulse," he said haughtily. "I have my standards. I limit myself to endoskeletal organisms. I always go for vertebrates. And I dont't do reptiles. Ever. — Shannon McKenna

Oh no?" he sneered, pulling a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one up. "Knowing what you're like, the slightest sign of a discarded cigarette butt and you would've been crawling around on your hands and knees trying to figure out how tall the smoker was, how old he was, what zodiac sign he was, whether he'd taken a crap that morning, and Christ knows what else. — Tim O'Rourke

I was just thinking that he might be willing. It's not like he needs his semen. — Buffy Andrews

Dogs are angels full of poop. — Oliver Gaspirtz

You belong in an insane asylum, you know that?"
"Maybe my next case... — R.R. Virdi

You're never too old, too wacky, too wild, to pick up a book and read to a child. — Dr. Seuss

There was a part of my brain that wanted to ask if his wife had a beard, verify my theory. I told that part of my brain to shut up. — R.R. Virdi

How are you feeling?"
"Like I fell out a burning building onto pavement, you?" I grumbled.
"Like I was pushed out of a burning building by a maniac," she retorted, a small smile playing across her face. — R.R. Virdi

Oh, hey, kettle, I'm pot and wow, you're black." - Owen — Olivia Cunning

She wore a fitted white scoop neck shirt under a thin jacket, slim brown pants and tennis shoes. He bet she looked hot in four-inch heels. He wondered how long she'd last in this town, and he decided he wanted to sleep with her before she left. — Tami Lund

But Tact and Sensitivity were not Gobber's strong points, and he took the first five minutes to come up with "Hiccup copped it. SORRY," and the spent the second five minutes tearing his beard out. — Cressida Cowell

Are you prepared?" she asked when the other Valkyries had their passengers in place.
"Sure," Matt said. "But we could use a soundtrack this time. Maybe a little Wagner. Da-da-da DUM dum."
Hildar looked back at hiim blankly.
"Wagner? Ride of the Valkyries? Da-da-da...Er, never mind."
"Oh!" Baldwin said. "I know that one!"
"Don't feed the geek," Fen muttered.
"Hey," Matt said. "I'm not a-"
"Oh, yeah, you are, Thorsen. You really are," Fen said in a voice that might have been teasing. — M.A. Marr

What's so funny?" he asked.
"You'll just think I'm silly."
"I already think you're silly, so you might as well tell me."
"Batman," she breathed.
"What? — Elena Kincaid

I've decided I don't like books that end with 'The End'. The fact that there are no more pages, suggests to me that the book has ended. — Wayne Gerard Trotman

Even as zombies, ridiculous prom gowns were the downfall of teenage girls, crippling them at the knees. — G.G. Silverman

Winnie, don't you ever think you're selling yourself short?"

"Nope. Never. I'm really good at picking quality dick. — Elizabeth Brown

Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case. — Carla H. Krueger

Simon gave her a startled look. 'I don't believe I have ever been condescended to by a woman before.' She shrugged. 'It was probably past time. — Julia Quinn

I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers... only they don't critique me and then get up for coffee. — Ryan Lilly

My mortgage isn't getting any cheaper and I can't run that Ferrari on faith alone," Reverend Jones said. "Don't get me wrong, the Big Man upstairs does what he can but I've never once seen him filling up the tank of my car. — Mark Jackman

Church's boss was a dick too--justice! — R.R. Virdi

Are you in pain?"
I rolled my eyes. Good news was that Apollo must've had a little talk with Hermes. "No, but you're a pain in my ass. Does that count? — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Sometimes funny is all you've got. — Amy Harmon

One right doesn't remedy a thousand wrongs.'

'You should write a book of quotes. — Catherine Doyle

I'll pray for good semen. And I'll get all of my friends to pray for good semen. — Buffy Andrews

Suddenly, a voice called from the darkness. Taylor leapt like a salmon, then became rooted to the spot like a tin of salmon. — Mark Jackman

Well, I did tell you I couldn't give you a thing. Maybe you've just realised that Alistair can give the god damn world, and the pleasure of kissing his shiny slap-head every day! — LeeAnn Whitaker

Is this about what happened to you and the old Sector 7?" I asked with a growl of my own.
His hands tightened their grip on my shoulders. "How did you know about that?"
"Tabby-Chan told me."
"Freaking Meko-Chan," Kuroi uttered, "I swear, that kid is gonna get it. What did she tell you, exactly?"
"She told me not to tell you that she told me what you told her." I realized what I said. "Oops."

~Luna's POV, Clash of the Clans: Shinobi 7 Companion Book #1 — L. Benitez

Dylan: What was that? Is Brooke breaking shit now? I know she's upset but she needs to remember where she is,Joey.HANDLE IT.

Sweet Christ. Why couldn,t she be on bed rest at her mother's?

Me: Ease up on the shouty caps,cupcake. Everything is under control.

Dylan:BETTER BE.(I love you)

Me: BITCH.(love you too) — J. Daniels

The pimple is perfect. — Buffy Andrews

My bosses would be beyond pissed if tomorrow's New York Times read: "Solid gold tiger eats stupid couple who were taking photos of it with their camera phone. — R.R. Virdi

You know why horror-movie characters always get killed? Because they've never seen horror movies. They don't know how it works. Right? But we do. So no one go into the basement alone. No one go screaming off into the woods alone. No one has any sex. — Carrie Vaughn

She was spoiled, but she wasn't lazy. She knew what she wanted, and because she believed absolutely that she could have everything she wanted if she tried hard enough to get it, she never stopped trying. — Cecily Von Ziegesar

Ah, like how Sharon Parker's bra kind of found its way into your locker?"
He leaned in, resting his elbows on the table. "Are you going to constantly bring these things up the entire time we're dating?"
"Sorry. Just using my prior knowledge to try and gauge what kind of fake boyfriend you're going to make."
"Well, if your bitterness is any indication of the kind of fake girlfriend you're going to be, I won't hold my breath for you to fake put out. — Jennifer Shirk

If a wizard should take up residence in your garden and requests food, you are obliged to feed him. — Mark Jackman

That's the problem with best friends. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself. — Cecily Von Ziegesar

His only real financial failure came at the age of thirteen when, in an uncharacteristic error of judgement, he invested £200,000 of his own savings in wooden socks, an invention that never caught on as he had hoped. — Mark Jackman

You deserve good sperm. You've waited a long time. — Buffy Andrews

Part of my soul goes into each quote I write. A book of my quotes can be yours for just $19.99. — Ryan Lilly

P.S. Please give my love to Tink, she always was such a funny little bug — Jodi Lynn Anderson

I pushed Ezra back for a second. He had taken the make out session up a notch upon Logan's arrival. I knew what he was doing, it was ticking me off. I wasn't just some territory he could mark. "Hike a leg and pee on me, why don't you?"
Logan snorted and practically choked on his coffee.
- RUHK'S RISING; Phoenix Elite Book 2 — Melissa Starr

If I'll be funnier than this, I'll become a joke. — Chandan Sharma

Q: When did you realize you wanted to be a writer?
A: I hate this question, because the answer makes me look like a jerk. The answer exposes me as a jerk. But here it is: the first time I read Twilight, I thought to myself, "If this chick can write a book, then you can!"
One day, Stephanie Meyer is going to give me a bloody nose. I accept that like I accept that I will one day get wrinkles.
To Stephanie Meyer: Could you come at me from the right side?
That side of my face could use adjusting ... — Anna Banks

Eagles, buffalos and deserts vast,
it's no good living in the fucking past. — Mark Jackman