Funny Basketball Quotes & Sayings

Mick Jagger is in better shape than far too many NBA players. It's up in the air whether the same can be said of Keith Richards. — Bill Walton

On the best tactic when playing alongside Kareem Abdul-Jabbar- Just give him the ball. — Magic Johnson

We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic. — Charles Barkley

I'm in favour of drug tests, just so long as they are multiple choice. — Kurt Rambis

If cocaine were helium, the NBA would float away. — Art Rust Jr.

I heave the basketball; I know it sails in a parabola, exhibiting perfect symmetry, which is interrupted by the basket. It's funny, but it is always interrupted by the basket. — Michael Jordan

People think I'm into sports because I'm a man. But I'm not into sports. I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and play basketball to enjoy Gatorade. You can just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic! — Mitch Hedberg

On his telepathic understanding with James Worthy- It's almost like we have ESPN. — Magic Johnson

On females officiating in the NBA -Incompetence should not be confined to one sex. — Bill Russell

In my prime I could have handled Michael Jordan. Of course, he would be only 12 years old. — Jerry Sloan

He's a jokester, and that's funny, very funny. Ha-ha. Very funny. — Shaquille O'Neal

I went to the University of San Francisco on an athletic scholarship. I didn't study in high school. I was just there to get by and to play basketball. But a funny thing happened to me when I got to college. I got challenged by the work and the professors. — Michael Franti

Part of the charm of basketball lies in the fact that it's a simple game to understand. Players race up and down a fairly small area indoors and stuff the ball into a ring with Madonna's dress hanging on it. — Dan Jenkins

Here's a six-foot-ten guy in sneakers and the lady's asking me, 'Profession?' — Jack McMahon

We might make a lot of money but, we also spend a lot of money. — Patrick Ewing

He checked out his surrounding. More books. A drinking fountain. A poster showing a guy slam-dunking a basketball with one hand and holding a book in the other, urging kids to READ! Weird, thought Steve. How can he even see the hoop?
...
You see, Steven, Librarians are the most elite, best trained secret force in the United States of America. Probably in the world."
"No way."
"Yes way."
"What about the FBI?"
"Featherweights."
"The CIA?"
Mackintosh snorted. "Don't make me laugh. Those guys can't even dunk a basketball andd read a book at the same time. — Mac Barnett

It's not just the cheerleading thing I have a problem with, it's the whole jock enchilada. I'm all for a good game of basketball in teh driveway or a killer bike ride. But when there's tackling and grunting involved
no thanks. — Linda Ellerbee

What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop? — Woody Allen

Many Americans follow pro basketball from November through June, for reasons that I found unexplainable, other than the fact that they were overly fascinated with soaring armpits. — Dan Jenkins

Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer. — Rita Rudner

Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject. — Shelby Metcalf

The way my team are doing, we could get Wilt Chamberlain in a trade and find out that he's really two midgets Scotch-taped together. — Gene Shue

Tracy McGrady is doing things we've never seen from anybody - from any planet! — Bill Walton

I thought LeBron James was just going to be another addition to help me score — Ricky Davis

Radical Edwards's profile? He's a seven-foot tall ex-basketball pro hindu guru drag-queen alien.
-Jet Black, from the Cowboy Bebop anime script — Keiko Nobumoto

I only know how to play two ways: reckless and abandon. — Magic Johnson

You need to be more careful, or you could hurt yourself.
Right. Thank you, Mrs. Detweiler. I never would have come to that conclusion by myself. I was planning on incorporating a backflip into my next walk across the classroom but on second thought ... — Janette Rallison

On how to make the game more exciting - Eliminate the referees, raise the basket four feet, double the size of the basketball, limit the height of the players to 5 feet 9 inches, bring back the centre jump, allow taxi drivers in for free and allow the players to carry guns. — Al McGuire

Going into a game against Lew Alcindor [later Kareem Abdul-Jabbar] is like going into a knife fight and finding there's no blade in your handle. — Bill Fitch

You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think? — Chris Rock

There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support. — Margaret Thatcher

On the seemingly one-sided relationship between Michael Jordan and his shoe sponsors Nike- The company should change its name to Mike. — Alvin Robertson

I look at the NBA as a football game without the helmet. — Tom Tolbert

We told Stanley Roberts to go on a water diet, and Lake Superior disappeared. Pat Williams When Xavier McDaniel plays against Orlando Wooldridge, it's a coach's dream - X vs O. — Mychal Thompson

Why don't they allow professional wrestling at the Olympics? They allow pro basketball players and hockey players. Olympic pro wrestling would be awesome. The team from Mexico could wear those Mr. X masks. The French wrestler could hit his opponent with a baguette. Or perhaps just surrender. — Craig Ferguson

Basketball has so much showboating you'd think it was invented by Jerome Kern. — Art Spander

If you can walk with your head in the clouds and keep your feet on the ground, you can make a million dollars in the NBA. — Gary Dornhoefer

Magic Johnson is the best player who plays on the ground, and Michael Jordan is the best player who plays in the air. — John Paxson

People in general misunderstand me. I'm very aware of the stereotype that comes with being a basketball player. But I'm well-rounded. I'm cultured. It's funny: When I speak, people are like, "Wow! You can really talk." I'm like, "What did you expect?" — Chris Bosh

After Michael Jordan had scored a play-off record 69 points - I'll always remember this as the night Michael and I combined to score 70 points. — Stacey King