Funny As Hell Life Quotes & Sayings

They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse control. That nothing is evil. Any concept of right versus wrong, according to them, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. They said that if anything should force us to modify our personal behavior it should be our allegiance to a social contract, not some vague, externally imposed threat of flaming punishment. — Chuck Palahniuk

That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights) — Eve Kagan

The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven. — Fakeer Ishavardas

I don't drink anymore myself, I'm moving on. And that's not to say I won't drink again. I'm not making any promises, but I don't think I was a great drinker. Some folks are great drinkers; they drink and tell jokes and laugh their asses off, and they are funny as hell. We buried one of those last week. Life is just a big test, and if you try hard, you fail. If you don't try too hard and fail a little but have a good time, maybe that is success. — Neil Young

Who's straight? I'm not. I am bent gouged pinched and tugged at, and squeezed into this funny shape. Each life is a game of chess that went to hell on the seventh move, and now the flukey play is cramped and slow, a dream of constraint and cross-purpose, with each move forced, all pieces pinned and skewered and zugzwanged ... But here and there we see these figures who appear to run on the true lines, and they are terrible examples. They're rich, usually. — Martin Amis

Everything is going to be fine."

"I don't want to live in a storm drain, Jackson."

"Not even with me?" He laughed.

"It's not funny, and no, not even with you!"

"You won't, and we won't. Everything will be fine. You are too fucking smart, Em. Hell, I'm too fucking smart, and we work too fucking hard for this shitty life. It won't happen."

"Swear to me." My voice was tiny.

"I swear on your life," he said, and I believed him. "But right now I'm kidnapping you in some loser's truck so I can hide you in my backyard. Let's just hope we can get past this part. I don't think colleges will look too fondly at a juvenile record. — Renee Carlino

Cheer up, Crips, and keep smiling. That's the thing to do. If you go through life with a smile on your face, you'll be amazed how many people will come up to you and say 'What the hell are you grinning about? What's so funny?' Make you a lot of new friends. — P.G. Wodehouse

I was like, what the hell is my life coming to? I'm a trained actor! I've done Shakespeare and here I am having farting contests with an imaginary dog! — Matthew Lillard

I can't kill him." Celena
"You can do it baby." Rafeal
"You told me just last night that you wanted to choke the life out of me." Rafael
That was for hogging the remote, and I wasn't serious. This is entirely different." Celena — Sherrilyn Kenyon

girls
please give your
bodies and your
lives
to
the young men
who
deserve them

besides
there is
no way
I would welcome
the
intolerable
dull
senseless hell
you would bring
me

and
I wish you
luck
in bed
and
out

but not
in
mine

thank
you. — Charles Bukowski

Sometimes I make my life a living hell by writing complex stories with complex characters. But I love it. — Kevin James Breaux

We all have that one friend that walks into your home like its their home — Thabang Gideon Magaola

If life is unfair with everyone, doesn't that make life fair — Thabang Gideon Magaola

All he'd done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up.
Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life. — Tara Janzen

Normal? I'm not normal enough for you?" Carlos says. "You want this guy instead? Did you notice his hair doesn't move? That's not normal. You want to date him again, go ahead. Hell, if you want to marry him and be Kiara Barra the rest of your life, be my guest."
"That's not want I
"
"I don't want to hear it. Hasta," Carlos says, ignoring me and walking away.
I feel my face heat in embarrassment as I look at Michael. "Sorry. Carlos can he abrasive sometimes."
"Don't apologize. The guy obviously has major issues and, for the record, my hair moves ... when I want it to. — Simone Elkeles

If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell. — David Cook

The neck in front of her came up. The head swivelled 180 degrees and the horse looked at Kin with bright insectile eyes.
'YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND,' it said inside Kin's head.
'Hell!'
'THOSE ARE NOT MEANINGFUL CO-ORDINATES. — Terry Pratchett

People never like to talk about their slower relatives. I got a cousin, twice removed, got webs between his toes, ain't said one word his whole life. You never hear about him in the family newsletter that goes around every Christmas. Hell, nobody mentions me, either, if it comes to that. Families is funny about who they advertise. — Susan Juby

Supposedly, I was trying to re-create the one time in my fucked-up life when I had felt truly happy - before it all went to shit.

Funny because, even though my life had sucked before Evie, ultimately, she was the sole reason it went down the path straight to hell.

I should've known from the moment I met her that, eventually, she'd be my downfall. I mean, I am Adam, and she's my fucking Eve. It had been written in the cards. — Samantha Towle

You should write about your life. It's kind of funny. When it's not depressing as hell. — Jeni Decker

My mom believed that you make your own luck. Over the stove she had hung these old, maroon painted letters that spell out, "MANIFEST." The idea being if you thought and dreamed about the way you wanted your life to be
if you just envisioned it long enough, it would come into being.
But as hard as I had manifested Astrid Heyman with her hand in mine, her blue eyes gazing into mine, her lips whispering something wild and funny and outrageous in my ear, she had remained totally unaware of my existence. Truly, to even dream of dreaming about Astrid, for a guy like me, in my relatively low position on the social ladder of Cheyenne Mountain High, was idiotic. And with her a senior and me a junior? Forget it.
Astrid was just lit up with beauty: shining blonde ringlets, June sky blue eyes, slightly furrowed brow, always biting back a smile, champion diver on the swim team. Olympic level.
Hell, Astrid was Olympic level in every possible way. — Emmy Laybourne