Funny Al-anon Quotes & Sayings

I cut my teeth playing rock songs on the accordion when I was a teenager and my friends always thought that was extremely amusing. I think that was the genesis of my polka medleys, because every rock song I played on the accordion just sounded like a polka and my friends thought it was funny. So that was a joke that I continue up to this very day. — Al Yankovic

Al Bernstein has seen cable television sports grow up. In 30 Years/30 Undeniable Truths he looks at his time in the industry through a prism that is unique to him. This book gives the reader an insight into the sometimes absurd world of television sports. There is a 31st undeniable truth: Al Bernstein is a truly funny man. — Barry Tompkins

Former vice president Al Gore has devoted his post-administration years to a mission to tell the world about global warming. It's funny, but in his civilian life Gore has discovered the voice that voters had trouble hearing when he ran for president in 2000. The voice he has found is clear, impassioned, and moving. — Graydon Carter

How did you not know they broke up? You usually monitor his social media like he's al-Qaeda and you're the CIA. — Heather Cocks

Huevos up. Swing up to the window, swing back to Al B. Hall, who says, "Bless you," and would I get him a bottle of Satan's Red-Hot Revenge for the eggs?
Sure thing, Pastor. — Joan Bauer

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality. — Al Capone

There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box. — Bill Bailey

Funny songs aren't usually that good. Like Weird Al and maybe a couple of Beatles songs, but it's kind of hard to bring humor into rock music in an interesting way. — Win Butler

You know what happens on live TV?
Janet Jackson's Super Bowl Boob happens on live TV. Adele Dazeem happens on live TV. President Al Gore happens on live TV — Shonda Rhimes

WHAT DO WE WANT?! PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! NOW! — Al Franken

I didn't realize I was in a Buddhist temple. — Al Gore

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder. — Al Gore

No one wears buckles anymore, and I decided to get him some real boots next winter solstice.Some sexy guy boots. Yeah. — Kim Harrison

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?' — Al Yankovic

And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that's funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read, easier to understand, and often stronger. So there's all kinds of advantages to it. — Al Franken

Bush, Blair and Rumsfeld; they are the funny trio. — Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf

The very funny thing about "Like A Rolling Stone" is it was a six minute song, there was no music to read from. And there I was playing this unfamiliar instrument. So I would come in on the upbeat of one. I would wait until the band played the chord, and then as quickly as I could come in play the chord. — Al Kooper

I have seen and heard comedians who had really funny 'stuff' but yet could not make the people laugh; then, again - I have seen others whose stuff was anything but humorous, and the audience would howl with laughter. — Al Jolson

It's so funny when people who are not used to making movies get into it. You just can't believe how insufferably boring it is. Waiting around and doing these lines over and over and finally having to go in and loop the lines and dub them. — Al Pacino

I only snatched him to get your attention," I said. "Now that I've got it, this is what I want."
"Damn my dame!" Al shouted, hands raised to the ceiling. "I knew it! Not another list! — Kim Harrison

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. — Al Franken

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit. — Al Yankovic

You re-watch 'Napoleon Dynamite', and there's a lot of thrift shopping that goes on in that movie; there's a lot of funny stuff. It's definitely amusing, and paying 99 cents for a samurai sword is amazing. — Al Madrigal

For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren't funny. Some of them weren't appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that. — Al Franken

On how to make the game more exciting - Eliminate the referees, raise the basket four feet, double the size of the basketball, limit the height of the players to 5 feet 9 inches, bring back the centre jump, allow taxi drivers in for free and allow the players to carry guns. — Al McGuire

My primary responsibility is to be funny. — Al Madrigal

I always used to tell my players that we are here to win! And you know what, Al? When you don't win, you lose. — John Madden

I've lost a million and a half on the horses and dice in the last two years. And the funny part is, I still like 'em, and if someone handed me another million I'd put it right in the nose
of some horse that looked good to me. — Al Capone

It's funny, but when there are dominant teams, there are a number of people who rail about the fact that they're always seeing the Dallas Cowboys or the San Francisco 49ers or the Green Bay either in the playoffs or in the Super Bowl. — Al Michaels

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time. — Chelsea Handler

I was a theater guy growing up and I wanted to be Al Pacino, and I think I just looked and sounded too funny. — Charlie Day

Let's leave it all alone. I'm stupidest when I try to be funny. — Al Swearengen

Al right, calm down. Fuck," Smithie said.
It was then I felt something not unpleasant but somewhat scary slide across my skin and I looked up to see the gang of hotties al standing, watching and every last one of them flashing a grin.
"What are you lookin' at?" I snapped, not to any one of them in particular, but in their general direction.
Don't ask me why I didn't run and hide in the books, I just didn't. I guess that wasn't me anymore.
"Babe, you just made me a regular," Mace said. — Kristen Ashley

Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor. — Al Franken

Almost every cartoonist, when he's sitting down to draw a funny face, if you watch him closely, his mouth is gonna curl to the expression that he's drawing. But when I would write a story - I know it's going to sound almost ridiculous and infantile - I would, in a way, start living it. — Al Jaffee

I start with a comprehensive list of all the recent songs that have been big hits - and then I go down that list and see if I can come up with funny ideas for them. I can always come up with ideas, but not necessarily good ones! — Al Yankovic

It is easy to smile at an insult and pretend it's funny when the person insulting you is hosing you with money. — Al Alvarez

I don't believe in God, I only believe in Al Pacino, and that's the truth. — Javier Bardem

You! she said, stepping forward with a vehement expression and her finger pointed. Heart pounding, I pressed into Al. Funny how he seemed so much safer now. (Newt, Rachel and Al) — Kim Harrison