Funny 5th Grade Quotes & Sayings

The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. — Louis C.K.

I only drink to steady my nerves ... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months. — W.C. Fields

You can look at everything from pre-Heisman to post-Heisman, and I think that's why it ranks up at the top, because before then, I didn't even think I was good enough to be a professional ballplayer. — Barry Sanders

I still do find the prayers of the Kaddish quite moving, and I just substitute in my mind nature, although that's what the founders did in a lot of their documents, too. They substituted nature or providence for God. I think that's what I do in my head with Jewish God. — Susan Jacoby

Why is it so painful to watch a person sink? Because there is something unnatural in it, for nature demands personal progress, evolution, and every backward step means wasted energy. — August Strindberg

Death without the possibility of ever changing the world is the same as a life that never was. — Douglas Coupland

Nature was more merciful than men, providing for those who suffered great pain such blessedness as fainting; but men were cruel and brought their victims out of faints that the pain might start again. (On being tortured/The Tower.) — Jean Plaidy

The bastard even refused to watch E.T.! Who doesn't love E.T., I ask you? — Ernest Cline

I think we need a little more rallying around the dumpee. If you were a woman and I'd told you that the third guy in eighteen months had broken up with me, right now we'd be drinking lemon drop martinis and giving each other female empowerment pep talks about how we don't need a man in our lives to feel complete. And then we'd watch The Notebook and drool over Ryan Gosling."
"Sorry, babe. But when they handed out best friends you drew the straw with a penis attached. That means no Ryan Gosling. — Julie James

When the candle flame is very weak, don't create any wind! — Mehmet Murat Ildan

He was irritable with Orr, who had found two crab apples somewhere and walked with them in his cheeks until Yossarian spied them there and made him take them out. Then Orr found two horse chestnuts somewhere and slipped those in until Yossarian detected them and snapped at him again to take the crab apples out of his mouth. Orr grinned and replied that they were not crab apples but horse chestnuts and that they were not in his mouth but in his hands, but Yossarian was not able to understand a single word he said because of the horse chestnuts in his mouth and made him take them out anyway. — Joseph Heller

Out of the hundreds of people that refuse to speak up and turn their backs on abused and neglected parrots, it's the one that stands up against the injustice that's going to be world famous. — Jes Furhmann