Funny 18 Plus Quotes & Sayings

I played upright bass. I wanted to write great tunes, play the bass, be a band leader, and smoke a big funny pipe like Charlie Mingus. So I went out and bought the pipe when I was around 18 or 19 years old. You know even women smoke a pipe in Glasgow. I worked with Carla Bley and she smoked a pipe, which I find fascinating. — Jack Bruce

The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse. — Peter Sagal

Most people are used to the T.V. comedy method of one joke every 18 seconds. And that's why it's not funny ... There's no time for anything to develop. — Ron Shock

Nobody understands anyone 18, including those who are 18. — Jim Bishop

I've got a Siamese cat. It has 2 heads and 18 lives. — M.J. McGuire

Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you to kick them out when they turn 18!
Okaaay. ~sigh~ Due to the times, you can kick them out between the ages of 28-38. Can someone please dramatically reduce the cost of housing, already?
~SHEESH~ — Dakota Dawn

Just remember that a pat on the back is only 18 inches from a kick in the behind. — Rex W. Tillerson

I am such that person that, when I'm working, I'm like, 'Oh, what I wouldn't give for a weekend off!' And then, as soon as I have more that 18 hours without anything to do, I start shaking. It's really funny. — Cassidy Freeman

Congratulations your 18! ... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill. — Frankie Boyle

It's funny, because when you're younger you're in a rush to be 18 or 21 or whatever. But then you hit 30. And now, the days go by like hours. You think, 40, man, this could be the halfway point. It could be the three-quarters point, you know? Who knows? — Mark Wahlberg

When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. — Anthony Jeselnik

When I started in the late nineties, it was all about young Hollywood. There were jobs for all of us if you were 18 to 21, were slightly good looking, or could be funny. — Chris Klein

Charles Darwin wrote a famous book in 18 gibberish. And that book was an interesting book, cuz it was called "Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-You" — Eddie Izzard

I got to dress up in funny clothes and run around New Zealand with a bow and arrow for 18 months, how bad could that be? — Orlando Bloom

CONFESSION NO. 18 Girls just want to have fun ... and live to tell about it the next day. — Ronda Thompson

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals. — Bob Monkhouse

I heard of Martin Luther King Jr. when I was 15 years old. I heard of Rosa Parks. And I met Dr. King in 1958 at the age of 18. I met Rosa Parks ... But to pick up a fun comic book - some people used to call them "funny books" - to pick this little book up, it sold for 10 cents, 12 pages or 14 pages? 14 pages I digested. And it inspired me. And I said to myself, "If the people of Montgomery can do this, maybe I can do something. Maybe I can make a contribution." — John Lewis

His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker. — Henny Youngman

I have a Siamese twin cat. It's got 2 heads and 18 lives. — M.J. McGuire

Sometimes fake laughing is hard once you've done a scene 18 times. I don't want to brag, but I have a reputation for being very, very good at that. It's funny finding what's challenging about acting as you go. — Allison Williams