Funniest Stand Up Comedian Quotes & Sayings

I think, as a comedian, the funniest you can be is with people you know, and [whom] you've known for years, in a pub. That's as funny as you get, and so the aim [while stand-up] is to get that funny on stage with 5,000 strangers, to get that funny in a room where people shouldn't be listening but they are. — Ricky Gervais

I wake up laughing every day. I get a kick out of life. — Bruce Willis

Sometimes you need to crash a couple of times to learn your mistakes, and then when the smoke clears, sometimes you're better off in the end. — K. Bromberg

What comes from a book is knowledge. What comes from the heart is wisdom. — Garth Brooks

But this does not imply that we cannot or must not trust our own thinking. To the contrary: our own thinking is the best tool we have for finding our way in this world. Recognizing its limitations does not imply that it is not something to rely upon. If instead we trust in "tradition" more than in our own thinking, for instance, we are only relying on something even more primitive and uncertain than our own thinking. "Tradition" is nothing else than the codified thinking of human beings who lived at times when ignorance was even greater than ours. — Carlo Rovelli

The sooner we accept the inevitable dilemma of not being able to win the approval of everyone we meet, the easier our lives will become. — Richard Carlson

The Christian community demonstrates the effectiveness of the gospel. We are the living proof that the gospel is not an empty word but a powerful word that takes men and women who are lovers of self and transforms them by grace through the Spirit into people who love God and others. We are the living proof that the death of Jesus was not just a vain expression of God's love but an effective death that achieved the salvation of a people who now love one another sincerely from a pure — Tim Chester

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. — Rick Baker

As far as stand-ups go, I always loved Richard Pryor, Chris Rock, and Sinbad. Basically, I love black comedians because they're the funniest. I wish I were a black comedian, actually. — Adam DeVine

Look on the bee upon the wing 'mong flowers;
How brave, how bright his life! then mark, him hiv'd,
Cramp'd, cringing in his self-built, social cell,
Thus it is in the world-hive; most where men
Lie deep in cities as in drifts. — Philip James Bailey

Did you know the following surprising facts? "Surgery has been found to be helpful in only 1 in 100 cases of low back pain. — Fred Amir

Any religion that would prohibit life-saving surgery simply because it goes against the literal word of the Bible cane nothing other than a cult. This is an abuse of dogma that crosses the line. — Haruki Murakami

The mixed martial arts way of life will give you focus. — Conor McGregor

I love reading other people's diaries, especially someone like Virginia Woolf's - such a formidable woman that it's a revelation when she shows you a more vulnerable side of herself. — Michael Palin

The Church must go, it is the haven of the booboisie, of boobs and bounders and all brummagem mountebanks. — John Fante

Everyone has his sphere of influence or territory in a society, which is a place where he is called to bring God's presence — Sunday Adelaja