Funniest Fortune Cookie Quotes & Sayings

Flowers said, "I got two bottles of water in the car."
"Get them. And get your gun," Lucas said.
"The gun? You think?"
"No. I just like to see you wearing the fuckin' gun for a change," Lucas said. "C'mon, let's get moving. — John Sandford

Scissors! Scissors! Have ye got yer ane scissors?? Are ye deaf?? — Neil Gaiman

I live in New York, and I love New York as well, but I think Los Angeles is a place where if you have the right person with you, there are all these little worlds that you would never guess by just looking at the exterior of what the city is. — Greta Gerwig

From the earliest times, female domestic servants have been viewed as snacks for the sexual appetites of their masters. — Eric Berkowitz

Could that technique, she wondered, be legitimately referred to as a "parassault"? — Gail Carriger

The salvation of the world is in man's suffering. — William Faulkner

Genuine and innocent wit is surely the very flavor of the mind. — Moses Harvey

The true misfits are the ones who don't think they are.

Sometimes the concepts that ground us in quiescent certainty are the same ones that cast us into pelting hailstorms of insurmountable disbelief. — Robyn Alana Engel

A plain circular bullet is widely disdained for its banality. — Carolina DeBartolo

My real big Internet claim to fame is the fact that I was first to jailbreak the iPhone. — Chris Hughes