Frank Funny Quotes & Sayings

In something like 'Frank,' which is a comedy, albeit a strange and emotional one, you can absolutely put in deleted scenes, and we did because they were just funny and great, but they weren't necessary in the overall structure. — Lenny Abrahamson

He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on top of the pile. "That should do for a start."
"You are a music lover," said the wide-eyed cashier.
"No, I'm a kleptomaniac." And she dashed out the door.
He was so utterly shocked that it took him a moment to run after her.
With a meaningful nod in the direction of the astounded Cahills, she barreled down the cobblestone street with her load.
"Fermati!" shouted the cashier, scrambling in breathless pursuit.
Nellie let a few CDs drop and watched with satisfaction over her shoulder as the clerk stopped to pick them up. The trick would be to keep the chase going just long enough for Amy and Dan to search Disco Volante.
Yikes, she reflected suddenly, I'm starting to think like a Cahill ...
And if she was nuts enough to hang around this family, it was only going to get worse. — Gordon Korman

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard." — Frank Carson

How very wet this water is. — L. Frank Baum

Glancing at the bottle of tequila in Tate's hand, Logan questioned much more calmly than he felt, "How full was that?"

Tate lifted the quarter-empty bottle and shrugged. "Unopened. Why? — Ella Frank

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour. — Frank Carson

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid. — Frank Carson

Sea fleas," Frank said. "They're everywhere, very wee, practically invisible. They love our bait. If you fell overboard and weren't picked up until the next day, those sea fleas would eat you right up, and your skeleton would sink to the bottom!" Cody lifted me up and hung me over the side. "Want to try it?" he said. "Not funny, Cody," I said. I didn't much like the idea of sea fleas nibbling me down to my bones. — Sharon Creech

Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny. — Frank Zappa

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?" — Frank Carson

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror." — Frank Carson

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens. — Frank Carson

Young Frank Pastore may have pitched the biggest victory of 1979. Maybe the biggest victory of the year! — Jerry Coleman

When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate ... because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash. — Barney Frank

When Frank the Pug is singing I Will Survive, the only reason it's funny is that Will is in that shot trying not to get angry. A shot of a dog singing I Will Survive on its own will not get a laugh. — Barry Sonnenfeld

The confessions can touch on every human emotion. They can be laugh-out-loud funny, for sure, they can be heart-breaking, they can be sexual or hidden acts of kindness, they can be romantic ... — Frank Warren

So I have. Let me hold the baby, Scarlett. Oh, I know how to hold babies. I have many strange accomplishments. Well, he certainly looks like Frank. All except the whiskers, but give him time."
"I hope not. It's a girl. — Margaret Mitchell

The funny thing is that the studio that we recorded in was the same studio that Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole used to warm up their voices in before they went across the street to CBS Radio. The owner has preserved it exactly the way it was in 1925. It was such a perfect coincidence that we were doing music inspired by that stuff in that room. It was incredible. — Hamilton Leithauser

Straight, huh? You know, funny thing is, often the straightest of trees have crooked roots. — Ella Frank

It was Toto that made Dorothy laugh, and saved her from growing as gray as her other surroundings. Toto was not gray; he was a little black dog, with long silky hair and small black eyes that twinkled merrily on either side of his funny, wee nose. Toto played all day long, and Dorothy played with him, and loved him dearly. — L. Frank Baum

Joaquin Jackson's frank and colorful account of his long career as a modern-day Texas Ranger thrills like an action novel, yet the stories are true, sometimes funny, sometimes tragic, but always gripping. I could hardly put the book down ... The writing is superb. — Elmer Kelton

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was. — Frank Carson

What's so funny about cats is that they have this kind of aloof, superior vibe to them. Even if you love them, they are unpredictable. Dogs are more social, and the way that they attach and bond to us is much more human. — Ze Frank

The amazing thing about Freak Out! was that there was nothing quite like it in rock 'n roll at the time. It was really simultaneously crude and ugly, and incredibly sophisticated. The Beatles were funny, but there was nothing with the kind of sneer that you could feel in the music of Frank Zappa. — Matt Groening

I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed. — Frank Carson

Toto was not gray; he was a little black dog, with long silky hair and small black eyes that twinkled merrily on either side of his funny, wee nose. — L. Frank Baum

Ecology is often confused with environmentalism, while in fact, environmentalism often leaves out the fact that people, too, can be a legitimate part of an ecosystem. — Frank Herbert

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p. — Frank Carson

I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one. — Frank Skinner

I don't think of myself as being funny. But life takes strange turns. — Frank Gorshin

Um ... is that thing tame?" Frank said.
The horse whinnied angrily.
"I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'. — Rick Riordan

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches. — Frank Carson

My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following Friday they had to go to the cemetery to beat his liver to death with a stick. — Frank Carson

Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up. — Frank Zappa

It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much." — Frank Carson

Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap. — Frank Carson

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle." — Frank Carson

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife." — Frank Carson

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. — Frank Carson

A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three months!" — Frank Carson

Oh. My. God.' she said, pointing out of the window. 'Do you know what that is?'

I nodded and said, 'I think I may have seen it before.'

'That,' said Florida, 'is the Moonyouidiot. — Frank Cottrell Boyce

No, I don't like you, I just thought you were cute enough to kiss you. — Frank Ocean

Richard Burton had a tremendous passion for the English language, especially the spoken and written word — Frank Bough

We walked on the moon. We made footprints somewhere no one else had ever made footprints, and unless someone comes and rubs them out, those footprints will be there forever because there's no wind. — Frank Cottrell Boyce

Funny how something that seemed so insignificant, just an old bowl with faded glazed stripes, could trigger so many memories. — Dorothea Benton Frank

One time I picked it up and a voice goes, 'Hi, it's Sinatra. Can you play me a record?' I was like, 'Oh yeah, very funny,' and hung up. I thought someone was having a joke, but it was actually Frank. My manager told me there aren't many people who put the phone down on Sinatra. — Tony Blackburn

Dreams are funny things. They shift and morph the more you grow. — Ella Frank

Is this a trial of thoughts, or of kittens?' demanded the Woggle-Bug.
'It's a trial of one kitten,' replied the Scarecrow; 'but your manner is a trial to us all. — L. Frank Baum

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon. — Frank Carson

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer. — Frank Carson

'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun. — Steve Martin

If you really love guitar, you're going to spend every waking hour stroking the thing. — Frank Zappa

Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?"
"Frank!" Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it."
"Kissed a couple of times," Percy said.
Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping! — Rick Riordan

TV is chewing gum for the eyes. — Frank Lloyd Wright

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again." — Frank Carson

If I lived by some code, my actions would become predictable. The enemy would take advantage of this and I'd be killed. An honorable death doesn't exist. Death is death. But it's funny that survival and revenge require the same thing: no honor codes, no supposed higher principles to aspire to, no mercy — Frank Beddor

That's probably the most sincere thing that I've ever heard come out of your mouth."

Logan lowered his eyes to Tate's hand. "Now, that's not true. I was very sincere this morning when I told you that I loved sucking your - "

"Don't ruin it," Tate interrupted. — Ella Frank

A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday." — Frank Carson

My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. — Angie Dickinson

The art of living. Isn't that a funny expression? — Anne Frank

A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages." — Frank Carson

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag. — Frank Carson

I can't stay mad at Pope Frank. I just can't. It's a funny situation that I like the pope and Mel Gibson doesn't. — Bill Maher

Gideon," she said evenly, inclining her head in sparse respect. "What brings you to my chambers so close to dawn?"
The riveting male before her remained silent, his silver eyes flicking over her slowly. Her heart nearly stopped with her sudden fear, and immediately she threw up every mental and physical barrier she could to prevent an unwelcome scan and analysis of her health.
"I would not scan you without your permission, Magdelegna. Body Demons who become healers have codes of ethics the same as any others."
"Funny," she remarked, "I would have thought you to believe yourself above such a trivial matter as permission. — Jacquelyn Frank

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?" — Frank Carson

It was a long time ago: 'Angela's Ashes' by Frank McCourt. It was a great story that was lasting, and I loved it so much. I also love Nora Ephron. I gobble up everything she writes. Also, I love Anthony Bourdain, very irreverent and funny. — Isabel Gillies

Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor. — Al Franken

Well, friend, I don't know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody," Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. "Have we been introduced?"
"Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?"
"You're not my type, darling. Is this one yours?"
"No," Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. "Let's say she's a friend of the family. — Rachel Caine

A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen." — Frank Carson

-Am I allowed to call you Grayson, or have you assumed a new identity as well?
-He's Frank. — Jen Turano

When you say 'I want to fit in,' you are essentially volunteering yourself as a victim, and when the thing you want to fit in with is 'society' - well, as 'society' is just another word for government, you're basically begging the government to control you and use you as it wishes for its nefarious purposes, which can be pretty damn nefarious, if 'nefarious' means what I believe it does. — Frank Portman

Nobody fights with Jerry because you know the price would be too high. You might come out the winner, at his age, you might even lick him, but you'd lose an eye, an arm, your testicles in the process, everything would be gone. — Frank Layden

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish. — Frank Carson

Sudenly Garge spring up and walk to the wall to admire some modarn art hanging on Frank and Estele Catandas wall. Hes impressed. Frank and Estele have always had a traditienel sensibility when it come to aesthetic matter's. For as long as he knew it, this space on the wall was ocupied by a Normen Rockwell print of a smileing child with a cast on his arm eating a handful of bird seed out of the hand of the postman. But now its replace with this minimelist art work, a large black rectangle. He make out hes bald reflectien in the imposibly smooth black surfece. It look like something that should be hang in the Moma (Museum Of Modarn Art).
"This is beauteful," Garge remark. "It seem like a stark comentary on the end of art. Who designe this?"
"Not art," Frank go. "Thats a televisien. — Seinfeld 2000

He is my dog, Toto," answered Dorothy.
"Is he made of tin, or stuffed?" asked the Lion.
"Neither. He's a
a
a meat dog," said the girl. — L. Frank Baum

Well, you look like something the cat dragged in," he remarked, immediately laying a hand on the warrior's forehead and closing his eyes in order to assess the damage done to the warrior's abused body.
Gideon did not understand why Elijah found his remark so terribly funny, but the warrior was laughing so hard that his nurse pinched him in the arm to stop him.
"I can't keep pressure with your chest bobbing up and down. Besides, Gideon will never be that funny," she said, giving him a cockeyed look. — Jacquelyn Frank

Boxing's all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds. — Frank Bruno

I start laughing. You have to laugh. Life is just funny sometimes. As long as you remember. — E.R. Frank

Have you heard the latest word from Arrakis?" the Baron asked. "No, Uncle." Feyd-Rautha forced himself not to look back. He turned down the hall out of the servants' wing. "They've a new prophet or religious leader of some kind among the Fremen," the Baron said. "They call him Muad'Dib. Very funny, really. It means 'the Mouse.' I've told Rabban to let them have their religion. It'll keep them occupied. — Frank Herbert

I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?" — Frank Carson

You're not eating the cheese, Frank says accusingly. And you're fucking my mom, I want to say back. — Lauren Barnholdt

boys, girls and music . . why do they need gin? — Frank

A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg." — Frank Carson

I felt bad because Little Big Tom came in while we were making the tape and was like over the moon because he thought we were interested in his music. We had to humor him and listen to him deliver around six hundred speeches about fusion and the Art Ensemble of Chicago and Chicano and Latino influences on pretentious jazzy pseudorock. I think it was probably the happiest I'd ever seen him. And I also felt bad about the fact that after he left we kind of made fun of the funny way he said Latino, like he was the Frito Bandito or something. I felt bad, but I did it anyway, because I'm only human. I was ashamed of myself and depressed afterward, though, which is human, too, I guess. Being human is an excuse for just about everything, but it also kind of sucks in a way. — Frank Portman

He can't get broke so long as he is stuffed with money. — L. Frank Baum

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here." — Frank Carson

I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it. — Ze Frank

Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list? — Frank Carson

Going before an audience of people who expect you to be funny is tough. Going before an audience that expect you to be boring, and then being a little funny, is much easier. I prefer easier. — Barney Frank

You are amazing," she said. "And you make a very handsome elephant. — Rick Riordan

The dumbest question I was ever asked by a sportswriter was whether I hit harder with red or white gloves. As a matter of fact, I hit harder with red. — Frank Crawford