Quotes & Sayings About Flatulence

We don't know what those other cycles were caused by in the past. Could be dinosaur flatulence, you know, or who knows? — Dana Rohrabacher

I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s. — Dave Barry

Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence. — Zach Braff

Here at any rate is Ignatius Reilly, without progenitor in any literature I know of - slob extraordinary, a mad Oliver Hardy, a fat Don Quixote, a perverse Thomas Aquinas rolled into one - who is in violent revolt against the entire modern age, lying in his flannel nightshirt, in a back bedroom on Constantinople Street in New Orleans, who between gigantic seizures of flatulence and eructations is filling dozens of Big Chief tablets with invective. — John Kennedy Toole

Tiny emerged on deck some hours later, shaken but smiling. He said that what he had been considering love had turned out to be simple flatulence. He said he wished all his romantic problems could be solved as easily. — John Steinbeck

Foul and magical fumes bubbled out of the kettle, like the flatulence of a dragon on a demon-only diet. — Christopher Moore

Do I suffer for my art? Well, I get a lot of flatulence when I'm nervous. — Martin Clunes

I swear by the self-assurance with which elderly men sitting in public tilt sideways to allow the gas to escape loudly. — Pawan Mishra

You cannot spontaneously levitate and hover above the ground, whether or not you are seated in the lotus position. Although, in principle, you could perform this stunt if you managed to let loose a powerful and sustained exhaust of flatulence. — Neil DeGrasse Tyson

The average person expels flatulence 15 times each day! — Jessica Simpson

The point is that a pleasure which leaves you satisfied stops being a pleasure the moment it has been enjoyed. You are now sated, there is nothing more to be got from it. Sex and food are pleasures of this kind. What follows? A touch of afterglow if you are that sort of person, but mostly guilt, flatulence and self-disgust. — Stephen Fry

Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars!" - Calvin
"Flatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting." - Calvin's mom — Bill Watterson

Miguel tries to look jokey-penitent, but misses and looks like a man in white jeans who underestimates a spot of flatulence. — David Mitchell

I think a lot of times dreams are nothing more than a kind of mental or spiritual flatulence. They're a way of relieving pressure. — Stephen King

During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office. — Dan Thompson

It was a summer of great rumblings in the belly of the earth, of atomic flatulence and geopolitical indigestion, consequences of the consumption of sectarian chickpeas by our famished and increasingly incontinent subcontinent. — Mohsin Hamid

My nights are flatulent and unquiet. — Samuel Johnson

Modernism has been consumed and remains partially digested in the belly of capital, awaiting occasional bouts of flatulence. — Nick Dunn

Is he dead? Blue asked, staring down at the prostrate body.
kitterick shook his head.'No,but he will remain in a coma for several hours.And there will be a substantial headache when he wakes up. And tremors.Something of a limp.Blurred vision.Impaired hearing.A few facialtics.Some nausea,loss of appetite, occasional hallucinations,flatulence,a weakness in the back. The nerve damage will repair itself in a few years.Providing he rests of course. — Herbie Brennan

Flatulence peaks twice a day ... five hours after lunch and five hours after dinner. — Mary Roach

But underneath it all she could not conceive that the boy the gypsies took away was the same lout who would eat half a suckling pig for lunch and whose flatulence withered flowers. — Gabriel Garcia Marquez

When you're taxing bovine flatulence emissions, there's nothing left to tax. — Mark Steyn

Every schoolmaster after the age of forty-nine, is inclined to flatulence is apt to swallow frequently and to puff — Harold Nicolson

... he was doing a breath hydrogen test. If you know the amount of hydrogen someone is exhaling orally, it's a simple matter to extrapolate the amount they're exhaling rectally. This is because a fixed percentage of hydrogen produced in the colon is absorbed into the blood and, and when it reaches the lungs, exhaled. The breath hydrogen test has given flatus researchers a simple, consistent measure of gas production that does not require the subject to fart into a balloon. — Mary Roach

She was dry. She was lying on something soft. She was wrapped in quilts. There was a star of light drifting above her, and a smell like a herb garden. Taggle was a long warmth stretched out at one side, his chin in her hand, his tail curled over her neck. She thought they might be in heaven.
Taggle farted.
Plain Kate coughed and sneezed. And then she really was awake. — Erin Bow

Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged in only private
though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh. — Mark Twain

Loving difficult people will refine us. Perhaps only in heaven will our love be so perfected that we can actually like these people, too. St. Augustine spoke of a man who, on earth, had chronic gas problems; in heaven, his flatulence became perfect music. — Scott Hahn

Yes, it was a "beautiful" sermon, tugging the emotions and conjuring up pictures of greatness and peace. But were they talking about the decent peppery ordinary old man he knew, or had the subject strayed to the story of some saint of the past? Or were there perhaps two men being buried under the same name? One perhaps had shown himself to Ross, while the other had been reserved for the view of men like William-Alfred. Ross tried to remember Charles before he was ill, Charles with his love of cockfighting and his hearty appetite, with his perpetual flatulence and passion for gin, with his occasional generosities and meannesses and faults and virtues, like most men. There was some mistake somewhere. Oh well, this was a special occasion...But Charles himself would surely have been amused. Or would he have shed a tear with the rest for the manner of man who had passed away? — Winston Graham

[To Edward de Vere, Earl of Oxford, on his return from self-imposed exile, occasioned by the embarrassing flatulence he had experienced in the presence of the Queen:] My Lord, I had forgot the fart. — Elizabeth I

the question hung there like an invisible wall of flatulence — Neal Stephenson

Leaning forward in the chair, Harley squeezed out a controlled fart, so no one could hear it. This damn reception area was like a echo chamber. If he weren't careful, it could reverberate around the hall like a shotgun blast. — Alan Kinross

Eddie Izzard is wonderful, I think, but I've only seen that one HBO special he did. He's one of the few people who talk about stuff other than girlfriends and relationships and flatulence and genitalia. There are very few of them who actually talk about real stuff. — Tom Lehrer

He pivoted on one buttock and broke wind. Dukhi leaned back to allow it free passage, wondering what penalty might adhere to the offence of interfering with the waft of brahminical flatus. — Rohinton Mistry

It wasn't a bang or a boom. It was the dampest, most corpulent eruption in the history of terminal flatulence. — Terry Pratchett

I would rather have an elephant with a flatulence problem sit on my face. — Samantha Young

He considered earthquakes and decided they were the result of air trapped inside the earth that had sought a way out, a form of geological flatulence. — Alain De Botton

The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.) — Mary Roach

Inspiration: A peculiar effect of divine flatulence emitted by the Holy Spirit which hisses into the ears of a few chosen of God. — Voltaire

Coinman lets out another legendary explosive from his hindquarters! — Pawan Mishra