Evanovich Ranger Quotes & Sayings

I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman. -Ranger to Stephanie — Janet Evanovich

Were really screwed up, aren't we?"
"In a very large way. — Janet Evanovich

Last time you called me late at night you were naked and chained to your shower curtain rod. I hope this isn't going to be disappointing. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger locked eyes with me. "Please," he said.
Tank and Hal were goggle-eyed. They weren't used to "please." I wasn't used to it either. But I liked it.
Okay," I said. "Be careful. He's insane. — Janet Evanovich

I'll go with you," Lula said. "Maybe I'll get a look at the killer Chihuahuas. And besides, I want to ride in Ranger's Porsche. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger is an unusual name," she managed. "Is it a nickname?"
It's a street name," Ranger said. "I was a Ranger in the army."
I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant."
My father's mouth dropped open and a piece of ham fell out.
My mother froze, her fork poised in midair.
That's sort of a joke," I told Grandma. "Rangers don't get dogs pregnant in real life."
I looked at Ranger for corroboration and got another smile. — Janet Evanovich

RANGER HAD BEEN Special Forces, and he still had the build and the carriage. He was standing close, forcing me to tip my head back ever so slightly to look into his eyes. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger was probably riding the wind, looking for the guy. And any well-adjusted person would walk away and let Ranger do his thing. Unfortunately, I wasn't that well adjusted. — Janet Evanovich

He [Ranger] peeled my [Stephanie] clothes off and wrangled me into bed. And then suddenly he was inside me. He once told me that time spent with him would ruin me for all other men. When he said it, I thought it was an outrageous threat. I no longer though it outrageous. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger's gonna hate this," Tank said. "Better to get shot than to have to explain the gate. Bad enough I got a horse that smells like his shower gel. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger's lips swept along my jawline to my ear. I could make you forget the gown. — Janet Evanovich

Stephanie,' Valerie said. 'She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.'
My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. 'Not the psycho,' he said.
Diesel blew out a sigh.
My father turned to my mother. 'Get me the carving knife. Make sure it's sharp. — Janet Evanovich

I woke up completely entangled with Ranger. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger cradled my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from my eyes. "The ceremony is over. Can you make it back to the car?"
I nodded. "I'm okay now. Am I red and blotchy from crying?"
"Yes," Ranger said, brushing a kiss across my forehead. "I love you anyway."
"There's all kinds of love," I said.
Ranger took me by the hand and led me back to the SUV. "This is the kind that doesn't call for a ring. But a condom might come in handy."
"That's not love," I told him. "That's lust. — Janet Evanovich

Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. "If you're looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you'd be with me this morning."
"Did he make you take a blood oath that you'd protect me?"
"He asked me if I had adequate health insurance. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing. "It's not funny," I said. "Babe, I haven't got a lot of funny in my life. Let me enjoy the moment. — Janet Evanovich

This is why I'm not married," Ranger said. "Women ask questions." "Unh!" I said, smacking my forehead with the heel of my hand. "That's not why you're not married. You're not married because you're ... impossible." He dragged me to him and kissed me, and I felt the kiss travel like lava to my doo-dah. "I have some issues to resolve," he said. No kidding. He gave my ponytail a playful tug and left. — Janet Evanovich

To celebrate our partnership I dressed up like Ranger. Black boots, black jeans, black turtleneck, small silver hoop earrings.
He gave me the once-over when I opened the door to him.
'Smart ass,' he said. — Janet Evanovich

My leg over the bike. Ranger was watching me, smiling. "I like the way you straddle that," he said. "Someday . . . — Janet Evanovich

Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked. — Janet Evanovich

I checked my phone messages. Three in all.
The first was from Joe. "Hey, Cupcake." That was it. That was the whole message.
The second was from Ranger. "Yo." Ranger made Joe look like a chatterbox. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger is Cuban-American with skin the color of a mocha latte, heavy on the mocha, and a body that can best be described as yum. — Janet Evanovich

You come from a long line of scary women Ranger finally said. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger clicked his penlight on. "Hang onto me if you can't see."
I curled my hand into the back of his cargo pants just above his gun belt. "I'm good to go."
He was still for a beat. "You could have held on to my jacket," he said.
"Would you rather I do that?"
"No. Not even a little. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger picked up and there was a moment of silence as if he was sensing me at the other end, taking my body temperature and heart rate long distance. "Babe," he finally said.
"Do you know the slum apartment building Bobby Sunflower owns on Stark?"
"Yes. It's on the same block as his funeral home."
"That's the one. I'm going in to look for someone. If you don't hear from me in a half hour maybe you could send someone to check."
"Is this a smart thing to do?"
"Probably not."
"As long as you know," Ranger said. And he disconnected. — Janet Evanovich

Nice dress you're almost wearing. You ever think about changing professions?
-Ranger — Janet Evanovich

Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?"
I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed.
Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said.
My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out. — Janet Evanovich

He had a body like batman — Janet Evanovich

I cut my eyes to the alley. Ranger was still there, doubled over the steering wheel, shaking with laughter. — Janet Evanovich

Is there anything else you need from me?" Ranger asked.
"Not right now."
"There will come a time," Ranger said. "Let me know when." And he disconnected.
I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead. — Janet Evanovich

Uh-oh," Ranger said. "you been reading those Nancy Drew books again? — Janet Evanovich

Cute? I think my testosterone level just dropped
- Ranger — Janet Evanovich

Oh boy," Lula said when she saw me. "Think we got a good story walking in the door, here. What's with the handcuff?"
"I thought it would look good with the cheese balls in my hair. You know, dress up the outfit."
"I hope it was Morelli," Connie said. "I wouldn't mind being cuffed by Morelli."
"Close," I said. "It was Ranger."
"Uh-oh," Lula said. "Think I just wet my pants."
"It wasn't anything sexual," I said. "It was ... an accident. And then we lost the key."
Connie fanned herself with a manila folder. "I'm having a hot flash. — Janet Evanovich

Ten minutes passed before his (Ranger's) Mercedes appeared at the end of the street, gliding through the rain, sleek and sinister, water not daring to adhere to the paint finish. — Janet Evanovich

My fear was that I'd oversleep, and when Ranger broke into my apartment to wake me up, I'd drag him into bed with me. And then what would I tell Joe? — Janet Evanovich

For the most part, Ranger had a consistent personality.
He wasn't a guy who wasted a lot of unnecessary energy and effort. He moved and he spoke with an efficient ease that was more animal than human. And he didn't telegraph his emotions. Unless Ranger had his tongue in my mouth it was usually impossible to tell what he was thinking. But every now and then, Ranger would step out of the box, and like a little treat that was doled out on special occasions, Ranger would make an entirely outrageous sexual statement.
At least it would be outrageous coming from an ordinary guy ... from Ranger it seemed on the mark. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger is one of the few civilians in Trenton with a permit to carry concealed. He owns office buildings in Boston, has a daughter in Florida by a failed marriage, has worked worldwide as a mercenary, and has a moral code that isn't entirely in sync with our legal system. I have no idea who the heck he is . . . but I like him. — Janet Evanovich

The rain started a few minutes later, a fine mist at first, growing more steady as the miles flew by. The Mercedes hummed along, following the ribbon of road. The night enveloped us, the darkness broken only by the lights on the dash.
All the comforts of a womb with the technology of a jet airplane cockpit — Janet Evanovich

I'll have Ella order some Rangeman shirts for you. If you decide to go back to Vinnie you can keep the shirts." Ranger almost smiled. "I like the idea of you wearing my name on your breast. — Janet Evanovich

This isn't just a job. This is a service profession. We uphold the law, babe.
Ranger — Janet Evanovich

Ranger was definitely wow. He stood half a head taller than me. He was perfectly toned muscle, and he had classic Latino good looks. He always smelled great. He dressed only in black. His eyes were dark. His hair was dark. His life was dark. Ranger had lots of secrets. — Janet Evanovich

As I ran water to wash my hands, my earbud fell out of my ear and went down the drain.
"Crap!"
I hauled my cellphone out of my bag and texted Ranger. Bad news. Your earbud just went down the drain in the ladies room.
It was only a matter of time, he textd back. — Janet Evanovich

Who's the best person you know. Of all the people you know personally, is there anyone who has a sense of right and wrong and lives by it? This was a sticky question because it would have to be Ranger ... but I suspected he occasionally killed people. Only bad people, of course, but still ... — Janet Evanovich

You're not looking for a partner," Ranger said. "You're looking for an enforcer. You hate to run. You must be worried about getting into that black dress. What did you eat just now? Piece of cake? Candy bar?"
"Everything," I said. "I just ate everything. — Janet Evanovich

I don't have a lot of domestic instincts," Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, "but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down."
I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger plays by his own set of rules, and I don't have a complete copy. — Janet Evanovich

His pager beeped, and he looked at the readout. "I have to get back to Deal. Do you have any secret weapons in your arsenal? You want to make any last-ditch efforts at apprehension?"
Ugh. He was so smug! "I hate you," I said.
"No, you don't," Ranger said, kissing me lightly on the lips.
"Why did you agree to meet me?" Our eyes locked for a moment. And then he cuffed me. Both hands behind my back. — Janet Evanovich

Babe, Ranger said, wrapping his arms around me, gathering me close to him. — Janet Evanovich

He opened two blouse buttons and traced a line along the top of my bra with his fingertip. He bent his head, brushed a kiss across my breast, and slipped his hand inside my bra. I think I might have moaned a little, and I steadied myself by sliding my hand up the inside of his thigh. It turns out that just because I think I could have a future with Morelli doesn't mean I'm entirely immune to Ranger's hotness. — Janet Evanovich

He reached out, opened the glove compartment, and took out a gun. It was a Smith & Wesson .38 five-shot special. It looked a lot like my gun.
"I stopped by your apartment this morning and picked this up for you," Ranger said. "I found it in the cookie jar."
"Tough guys always keep their gun in the cookie jar."
"Name one."
"Rockford."
Ranger grinned. "I stand corrected. — Janet Evanovich

Finding out with Ranger is a whole different deal than finding out with Lula. Lula and I are Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz. Ranger is Batman. — Janet Evanovich

There's a trade show going on this week for Russian vodka," Ranger said. "This consulate will be hosting a meet-and-greet party at five o'clock. That would be a good time for us to slip in. — Janet Evanovich

Office. "Freaking glorious." I hefted my bag higher on my shoulder and I headed out. Tank was standing guard on the sidewalk, in front of my car. "I have a couple FTAs," I said to Tank. "One's in the Burg and one's in Hamilton Township. I have to stop at my apartment first to get some clean clothes and stuff." "It might be easier if we took one car for the busts," Tank said. I agreed. "Do you want to drive or ride shotgun?" Tank's eyebrows raised a fraction of an inch. Shocked that I would even consider driving. Tank only rode shotgun to Ranger. "It's the twenty-first century," I told Tank. "Women drive." "Only in my bed," Tank said. "Never in my car." I didn't have a reply to that, but I thought it sounded like an okay philosophy. So I beeped the Escape locked, got into Tank's SUV, and we chugged off for my place. — Janet Evanovich

Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn't he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster's cage was clean, I'd be happy to oblige. — Janet Evanovich

One of us should stop her," Ranger said to Morelli, his eyes fixed on me.
"Not going to be me," Morelli said. "Have you ever tried to stop her from doing something she wanted to do?"
"Haven't had much success at it," Ranger said.
Morelli rocked on his heels. "One thing I've learned about Stephanie over the years, she's not good at taking orders."
"Has authority issues," Ranger said.
"And if you piss her off, she'll get even. She ran me over with her father's Buick once and broke my leg."
That got a small smile out of Ranger.
"Nice to see you boys bonding," I said. — Janet Evanovich

I'm on my way," Ranger said. "I'm about ten minutes from Quaker Bridge. I'll call when I have her. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger's Cayenne pulled in behind the SUV. Ranger got out, scooped me up off the ground, and held me close. — Janet Evanovich

Yeah, I'm a classy guy." Ranger scooped up a handful of popcorn. "A little girl's life is at stake. That doesn't leave much room for ego and turf wars. — Janet Evanovich

I felt my cell phone buzz, and I looked at the screen. Ranger.
"Your GPS just went blank," Ranger said when I answered.
"The car exploded." There was a beat of silence.
"Rafael won the pool," Ranger said. "Are you okay?"
"Yes."
"I'll send someone. — Janet Evanovich

If she wasn't your grandmother I'd shoot her.
Ranger — Janet Evanovich

My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn."
"She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."
-Ranger and Stephanie — Janet Evanovich

I crossed the room at a run, barreled through the door to take the stairs, and crashed into Ranger. We lost balance and rolled tangled together to the fourth-floor landing. We lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. Ranger was flat on his back, and I was on top of him. — Janet Evanovich

[Ranger] "How's your mental health?" he asked. "I heard about Soder."
[Stephanie] "I'm rattled."
"I have a cure."
Oh, boy.
He put the truck in gear and headed for the exit. "I know what you're thinking," he said. "And that wasn't where I was going. I was going to suggest work."
"I knew that."
He looked over at me and grinned. "You want me bad."
I did. God help me. — Janet Evanovich

It was M-m-moe and Shorty," I said. "Damn, I can't stop
shaking."
"Adrenaline burn-off," Ranger said. "It's normal."
"Why aren't you sh-sh-shaking?"
"I'm not normal. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger isn't my boyfriend. Ranger and I have a professional relationship." "Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't play hide the salami once in a while. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger was waiting. He was dressed in black slacks, a form-fitting black T-shirt, and a black blazer. — Janet Evanovich

He's sort of a homeless horse," I said.
"I'm leaving for the airport in two seconds, and I won't be back for a couple days. You can put the horse in the garage, but I don't want that horse in my apartment."
"Who would put a horse in an apartment? That's dumb."
"Where's the horse staying now?"
"My apartment."
"I can always count on you to brighten my day," Ranger said. And he disconnected. — Janet Evanovich

And in an instant I was pinned beneath him, which was not an entirely unpleasant experience once I realized it was Ranger. We were groin to groin, chest to chest, with his hands locked around my wrists. A moment passed while we did nothing but breathe. — Janet Evanovich

This thing's giving me an eye twitch," Ranger said. "Can you get the sound off?" I started pressing buttons and the screen went blank. "How's that?" I asked. "Babe, you shut the system down." "Yes, but the sound is off." "Reprogram it." "No need to get testy," I told him. "I don't know where I'm going." "I have a map. You just get on I-95 south and take the Springfield exit." "And then what?" "Then you'll have to pull over and reprogram the GPS." Ranger cut his eyes to me and there was the tiniest of smiles on his mouth. — Janet Evanovich

I shuddered at the mention of Mrs. Steiger.
"What's that about?" Ranger asked.
"Mrs. Steiger is the Antichrist."
"Damn," Ranger said. "I left my Antichrist gun at home."
"Looks like you brought everything else."
"Never know when you'll need some tear gas."
"If we have to gas Mrs. Steiger, it"ll ruin my chances of being Miss Burg in the Mayflower parade. — Janet Evanovich

That was close,"he said, helping himself to coffee.
Yeah, you almost opened the door to Morelli."
I wasn't talking about Morelli. I was talking about us."
That too," I said.
Ranger sliced a bagel and looked for the toaster.
It's broken,"I told him.
He truned the boiler on and slid the bagel into the oven.
That's surprisingly domestic for a man of mystery," I said to him.
He looked at me over the rim of his coffee mug. "I like things hot. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger shrugged. "Things turn up." He reached behind him and came up with a gun. My gun. "Found this in the lobby, too." He tucked the gun under the top edge of my towel, wedging it between my breasts, his knuckles brushing against me. My breath caught in my throat, and for a moment I thought my towel might catch fire. Ranger smiled again. And I did more eye narrowing. "I'll be in touch," Ranger said. And then he was gone. — Janet Evanovich

The lights were low, and Ranger was naked and lounging on the bed, waiting for me to return. I did a slow scan of his perfect body. — Janet Evanovich

I always listen," Ranger said. "I don't always agree. I have a problem right now that I can't seem to solve by myself. I need you to help me find my daughter. And there's an even bigger problem involved. I feel a financial and moral obligation to my daughter. I send child support, I send birthday and Christmas presents, I visit when I'm invited. But I've kept myself emotionally distanced. I'm not emotionally distanced from you. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you because I was using you to find someone . . . even if that someone was my daughter. So I have to make every effort to keep you safe." "You're a little smothering. — Janet Evanovich

Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early.
-Ranger — Janet Evanovich

Ranger was slouched on the couch, watching a ball game. Bob was beside him, his big shaggy orange Bob head resting on Ranger's leg. — Janet Evanovich

There's me and then there's you, and you aren't ever going to be as good as me, Sweet Thing.
Ranger — Janet Evanovich

You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills," I said.
"I just enter. I don't usually break."
"You broke down Pitch's door."
"Lost my temper."
-Ranger and Stephanie — Janet Evanovich

I woke up wrapped in Ranger's arms, our legs entwined, my face snuggled into his neck. He smelled nice, and he felt even better . . . warm and friendly. I enjoyed it for a moment before reality took hold. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger leaned closer and lowered his voice. — Janet Evanovich

A uniform cordoned off the area with crime scene tape. The M.E. pulled in and parked. There were two EMT trucks idling at the edge of the lot. I'd stayed close to the back door, and one of the Rangeman guys had taken a position two feet from me, standing at parade rest. No doubt in my mind he'd take a bullet for me rather than face Ranger over a dead Stephanie. — Janet Evanovich

You should see me work my magic in leather
Ranger — Janet Evanovich

Hey!" Lula yelled, back in Ranger's face. "You look at me when I'm having a breakdown. And don't pull that mysterio silent shit on me. I don't take that bus, you see what I'm saying? — Janet Evanovich

Babe,' Ranger said. 'Do something with her.'
And he disconnected.
I called Ranger back. 'No,' I said. 'And I need information on Jelly Kantner. His apartment got blown up, and I need to find him.'
And I should do this why?'
Because you like me.'
There was a full beat of silence. 'I do,' Ranger said. 'I like you a lot. Sometimes I'm not sure why. Give me a couple minutes. — Janet Evanovich

Babe."

Ranger — Janet Evanovich

in a parade, and I'd already seen Ranger naked but he was worth — Janet Evanovich

Hey," Lula said to Ranger's man."You want to watch it? I just had my hair done. I don't need plaster in it. Next time just shoot a hole is this punk-ass loser, will you? — Janet Evanovich

One Ranger is all you'll ever need. - Ranger — Janet Evanovich

I'd spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic. — Janet Evanovich

I was standing with my back to the door, and I saw Connie's eyes go wide. "Be still my heart," Lula said, looking past me, through the window to the sidewalk. I figured they were looking at either Johnny Depp or Ranger. My money was on Ranger. — Janet Evanovich

You can't be mad at me," Ranger said. "I'm cute. I might even be adorable. — Janet Evanovich

He grabbed me by my jacket lapels, pulled me to him, and kissed me. His tongue touched mine and I got a rush that was just a millimeter below climax. His hands slid inside my jacket and circled my waist. He was hard against me. And suddenly nothing mattered but a Ranger-induced orgasm. I wanted one. Now. The hell with Eddie DeChooch. One of these days he'd drive himself into a bridge abutment and that'd be the end of that. — Janet Evanovich

He's a good man," Ranger said.
"And you?"
"I'm better. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger slung an arm around my shoulders and kissed me on the top of my head. "Someday I need to talk to you about car care." "I know about car care. I kept a case of motor oil in the back." "That's my girl. — Janet Evanovich

Why do you give me cars?"
"It's fun," Ranger said."And it keeps you safe. Do you want to know why keeping you safe is important to me?"
"You love me?"
"Yes."
A sigh inadvertently escaped. "We're really screwed up, aren't we?"
"In a very large way," Ranger said. — Janet Evanovich

There were two doors that opened off the hallway. The doors were labeled PUSSY and MOTHERFUCKERS.
"I'm taking the Motherfuckers door," I said to Ranger.
"No way. That's my door."
"Well, I'm sure as hell not taking the Pussy door. — Janet Evanovich

Fine. Let Ranger get someone else. Trust me, you don't want to be out looking for a parking place on Sloane in the middle of the night."
"I won't have to look for a parking place. Tank's picking me up."
"Your working with a guy name Tank?"
"He's big."
"Jesus", Morelli said. "I had to fall in love with a woman who works with a guy named Tank."
"You love me?"
"Of course I love you. I just don't want to marry you. — Janet Evanovich

Fuck, Ranger said.
Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open.. — Janet Evanovich

Ranger hung my bag on my shoulder and looked at me. "Are you okay with all this?" "Actually, I feel like throwing up a lot." "It's the doughnuts." "It's my life. — Janet Evanovich

Give me the gun." Ranger said.
I extracted the gun from my pants and handed it over.
Ranger held the gun in the pulm of his hand and smiled. "It's warm," he said. He put the gun in the glove compartment and plugged the key into the ignition.
Am I fired?"
No. Any women who can heat up a gun like that is worth keeping around. — Janet Evanovich