Etgar Quotes & Sayings

I was born at six months, and I weighed 900 grams [less than two pounds]. I have a very heroic birth story. — Etgar Keret

As a child, I never wanted my parents to be unhappy, which meant that I would always contemplate what would make them happy. — Etgar Keret

I always have a story in my head that needs to be written, or at least I think I do. But I usually can't find the time to write it. — Etgar Keret

As the son of Holocaust survivors, this is life - you're put in a corner, and you have to get out. I believe that you can always get out. — Etgar Keret

I'm not saying that I don't experience people in life as evil, but writing is not a place of alienation; writing is the place where we can try to be human. — Etgar Keret

You don't need to use the language of God to ask where the restrooms are. — Etgar Keret

People in Israel would write in a high register, they wouldn't write colloquial speech. I do a special take on colloquial speech. When I started writing, I thought [the language] was telling the story of this country: old people in a young nation, very religious, very conservative, very tight-assed, but also very anarchistic, very open-minded. It's all in the language, and that's one thing that doesn't translate. — Etgar Keret

So if you're really unhappy down there, and if all kinds of people are telling you that you're suffering from severe perceptual disorders, look for your own way of getting here, and when you find it, could you please bring some cards, 'cause we're getting pretty tired of the marbles. - from Pipes — Etgar Keret

If you want to learn how to be happy, you have to know what is sadness first. — Etgar Keret

When you work on a graphic novel or a film with people you've been together through a lot and you've exposed your secrets and weaker sides to each other. — Etgar Keret

I think when you write, you should call it a "writing spree." I don't write every day, and I don't write regularly. — Etgar Keret

What happens when you speak colloquial Hebrew is you switch between registers all the time. So in a typical sentence, three words are biblical, one word is Russian, and one word is Yiddish. This kind of connection between very high language and very low language is very natural, people use it all the time. — Etgar Keret

When you're having an asthma attack, you don't have any breath. When you don't have any breath, it's hard to speak. You're limited by the amount of air you can spend from your lungs. That's not much, something between three to six words. It gives the word a meaning. You're searching through the piles of words in your head, picking the most important ones. And they have a cost. It's not like the healthy people that take out every word that has accumulated in their head like garbage. When someone, while having an asthma attack, says "I love you" or "I really love you", there's a difference. A word difference. And a word is a lot, because that word could have been "sit", "Ventolin" or even "ambulance". — Etgar Keret

I have to admit that talking authoritatively about my students' stories can make me feel, at times, like an astronaut who has just landed on a new planet and insists on giving guided tours to its inhabitants. — Etgar Keret

I really believe hatred is not a primal emotion, in that you can't find it in nature. It's basically some kind of distortion of fear. — Etgar Keret

Creating something out of nothing means making something up. But when you make something out of something, you take things that are already there, like an emotion, and you turn it into a narrative. The nature of literature is not to invent things, but to articulate what is already there. When you read a good book you don't think that the author is making up lies, but you say, "Oh, yes, I know what he is talking about." The fact that you know this means that it isn't made up. — Etgar Keret

Until he turned twelve, Nimrod was a shitty person. The kind of whiner that, if he wasn't your best friend, you'd have kicked his ass a long time ago. And then one day, just before his bar mitzvah, they put insoles in his shoes, and suddenly the guy was a whole new human being. — Etgar Keret

My father - I once asked him what was his greatest achievement. He said his greatest achievement was that he fought in five wars in the infantry, always on the front line, and never hurt anybody. — Etgar Keret

I never know the endings when I write. It's a turnoff when you know the ending. You lose much of your incentive to write when you already know. It's like seeing a movie a second time. — Etgar Keret

Before I started to make films, I didn't give much thought to the way the characters were physically positioned in the story world. — Etgar Keret

Nobody else in the world would look at writing as craftsmanship - it's totally this Protestant hardworking ethic. You go into this kind of infinite space of imagination and you fence yourself in with all kinds of laws. — Etgar Keret

I think living in Israel and wanting to change reality is the best prescription for never-ending writer's block. — Etgar Keret

Why does a father have to protect his son?" I thought for a moment before answering. "Look," I said as I stroked his cheek, "the world we live in can sometimes be very tough. And it's only fair that everyone who's born into it should have at least one person who'll be there to protect him. — Etgar Keret

Say,' Uzi pressed on, 'is it true that when you people go out on a job they promise you seventy nymphomaniac virgins in Kingdom Come? All for you, Solico?'
'Sure, they promise,' Nassar said, 'and look what it got me. Lukewarm vodka.'
'So you're just a sucker in the end, eh, ya Nasser,' Uzi gloated.
'Sure thing,' Nasser nodded. 'And you, what did they promise you? — Etgar Keret

Writing is very castrating in the moment. Fiction in general, it has no function, nobody asks for it. — Etgar Keret

I have always thought that Heaven is a place for people who had had a good life, but that is not true. God is merciful and way too good to make it so. The Heaven is just a place for people who could not be really happy while living on Earth. I was once told that people who commit suicide are taken back on Earth to repeat life from the very beginning because if they did not like it once, it did not mean they would not like it the next time. But those who did not fit in on Earth at all, ended up here. Everyone comes to Heaven in their own way. — Etgar Keret

I think she cried at my funeral. It's not that I'm conceited or anything, but I'm pretty sure. Sometimes I can actually picture her talking about me to some guy she feels close to. Talking about me dying. About how they lowered me into the grave, kind of shrivelled up and pitiful, like an old chocolate bar. About how we never really got a chance. And afterwards the guy fucks her, a fuck that's all about making her feel better. — Etgar Keret

All my writing-life people kept telling me that I should stop writing short stories and start writing novels: my agent, my Israeli publisher, my foreign ones, my bank manager - they all felt and keep feeling that I'm doing something wrong here. — Etgar Keret

When I ask him if he thinks there's a moral to his story, he says he's sure there must be, but doesn't know exactly what it is. "Maybe," he says after a short pause, "it's that this world is full of lizards, and even though there's nothing we can do about it, it is always helpful to find out how big they are. — Etgar Keret

Translators are like ninjas. If you notice them, they're no good. — Etgar Keret

When I started writing my stories, I thought that not only nobody outside my language, but nobody outside my neighbourhood would get them. — Etgar Keret

He felt full of a dense and sour substance that was blocking his chest, and it wasn't grief. After all those years, life now seemed like no more than a trap, a maze, not even a maze, just a room that was all walls, no door. — Etgar Keret

It was in Bethlehem, actually, that Yonatan found his Arab, a handsome man who used his first wish for peace. His name was Munir; he was fat with a big white mustache. Superphotogenic. It was moving, the way he said it. Yoni knew even as he was filming that this guy would be his promo for sure.
Either him or that Russian. The one with the faded tattoos that Yoni had met in Jaffa. The one that looked straight into the camera and said, if he ever found a talking goldfish, he wouldn't ask of it a single thing. He'd just stick it on a shelf in a big glass jar and talk to him all day, it didn't matter about what. Maybe sports, maybe politics, whatever a goldfish was interested in chatting about.
Anything, the Russian said, not to be alone. — Etgar Keret

Often, the stories are very much like trust falls. You fall, and you hope the story's going to catch you. — Etgar Keret

I like smoking pot, but I'm not the kind of guy who smokes every day. — Etgar Keret

Collaborating with your wife is amazing because you are doing something together with a person you truly love and know and discover things about her in that process which you have never had discovered on other circumstances. — Etgar Keret

Being published in Arabic is a strong and consistent wish I have. I live in the Middle East and want to be in some sort of an unpragmatic dialogue with my neighbors. — Etgar Keret

For three months,
a person sits and looks at you,
imagining a kiss. — Etgar Keret

I've always had a very developed superego. I also had a very powerful id, but there was no ego in the middle. So writing was always like letters sent from the id to the superego, saying, "What's going on here?" What I loved about writing was that I was totally weightless. I was amazed at the fact that I could be myself without being afraid that anyone would get hurt. — Etgar Keret

I remember a point in [writing] the story where I said, "This isn't working, I should go and buy something at the supermarket or my wife will kill me." Then I said, "No, I'll go on." — Etgar Keret

The reason I write is that I'm not in dialogue with my emotions; writing puts me in touch with myself. — Etgar Keret

There should be an age limit for patients, he thinks as he takes off his shoes. You just have to say to them, You lived long enough. From now on, think of what's left as a bonus, a gift without an exchange slip. It hurts? Stay in bed. It still hurts? Wait: Either you'll die or it'll pass. — Etgar Keret

If someone gives you a piece of advice that sounds right and feels right, use it. If someone gives you a piece of advice that sounds right and feels wrong, don't waste so much as a single second on it. It may be fine for someone else, but not for you. — Etgar Keret

Rabbits are played. Nowadays it's all about the turtles. Tell them it's a ninja, they'll freak. — Etgar Keret

Don't you go and dump reality on us like a garbage truck. — Etgar Keret

Often in writing programs, articulation and clarity are more important than what you actually say. — Etgar Keret

It took a lot to understand that the interest in both writing a story and reading it is not in the objective dangers someone takes. You don't have to fight snakes or wake up in a strange apartment to have a story; it's about what goes on inside your mind and soul. — Etgar Keret

I think there are some artists whose works are misanthropic. — Etgar Keret

Making up characters and places and plots, unlike fixing your plumbing or doing dishes, is anything but practical or rational. I write what needs to be written the way that seems genuinely right. — Etgar Keret

He tells them that there is a line that separates killing bugs from killing frogs, and that no matter how hard it is, that line must never be crossed — Etgar Keret

According to Gur's theory of boredom, everything that happens in the world today is because of boredom: love, war, inventions, fake fireplaces - ninety-five percent of all that is pure boredom. — Etgar Keret

Following the emergence of leaked information regarding Alice Calloway, Etgar Allison has suffered considerable loss motivation, energy and interest in his usual pursuits (Wikipedia, YouTube, Kurt Vonnegut). He has been seen to spend long periods of time staring at inanimate objects and will occasionally stop whatever he is doing to lie face down on the floor and sing "One Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton (a song he has described as "all that's left"). In an official statement given earlier today, he described bed as "better that sex" and Alice Calloway as "the horriblest bitch I know". — Ben Brooks

You take a book, and what can you do with a book? Can you cook an egg on a book? No. Can you dig a hole? No. Is it a good weapon? No. The fact that it's good for nothing kind of makes it almost all-important. — Etgar Keret

The story I had written wasn't the creased, stit-smeared paper now sitting in the bottom of the trash can on the street. That page was just a pipeline through which I could transmit my feelings from my minds to his. — Etgar Keret

Dad said I had no respect for money and that if I didn't learn when I was little when was I going to learn? Kids who get Bart Simpson dolls at the drop of a hat turn into punks who steal from convenience stores, 'cos they wind up thinking they can have whatever they want, just like that. So instead of a Bart doll he bought me an ugly porcelain pig with a slot in its back, and now I'll grow up to be okay, now I won't turn into a punk. — Etgar Keret

In the last war, people became vocal from the right-wing point of view: if you're liberal, then you're a traitor. — Etgar Keret

The one who swallows cactuses with spines should not complain about hemorrhoids. — Etgar Keret

When my books were translated, it was always about the characters, because the unique language aspect was lost in translation. — Etgar Keret

Even as a very young man, I knew that my family is like a plant. Uproot it, and it will wilt. Pluck away at it, and it will die. But leave it to thrive in the soil, untouched, and it will weather both gods and winds. It is born with the soil, and it will live so long as the soil shall live. — Etgar Keret

The fact is that everything I have in my pockets is carefully chosen so I'll always be prepared. Everything is there so I can be at an advantage at the moment of truth. Actually, that's not accurate. Everything's there so I won't be at a disadvantage at the moment of truth. — Etgar Keret

What connects me so strongly to Israel is the fact that I'm second generation. — Etgar Keret

In Israel, there is this reduction of the political discourse to something that is very limited. It's as if you have that pitch that only dogs can hear. Sometimes I feel I speak at such a pitch that very few people around me communicate with what I'm saying. — Etgar Keret

You can remember without seeing it. — Etgar Keret

Sometimes the stories are smarter than me, and suddenly these things start to make sense. — Etgar Keret

And she loved a man who was made out of nothing. A few hours without him and right away she'd be missing him with her whole body, sitting in her office surrounded by polyethylene and concrete and thinking of him. And every time she'd boil water for coffee in her ground-floor office, she'd let the steam cover her face, imagining it was him stroking her cheeks, her eyelids and she'd wait for the day to be over, so she could go to her apartment building, climb the flight of stairs, turn the key in the door, and find him waiting for her, naked and still between the sheets of her empty bed. — Etgar Keret

To what extent does anybody control his destiny? Life is very much like falling of the edge of a cliff. You have complete freedom to make all the choices you want to take on your way down. My characters choose to yearn and not lose hope even when the odds are completely against them. It doesn't make the landing at the end of that fall any less painful but, somehow, it helps them keep a little dignity their bone broken body. — Etgar Keret

It's funny, but I think my stories - the good ones - they're much smarter than I am. — Etgar Keret

I see creative-writing classes as some sort of AA meeting. It is more of a support group for people who write than an actual course in which you learn writing skills. This support group is extremely important because there is something very lonely about writing. — Etgar Keret

Hebrew was frozen, like frozen peas, fresh out of the Bible. — Etgar Keret

Generally, all my life, I have had strong friction with life - I was a problematic soldier, I was kicked out of the army, I was in fights. There was something about writing that was a way of experimenting with this emotion. — Etgar Keret

I think that, in Hebrew, it's like the language creates a more unique and specific universe even before the story. — Etgar Keret

When I write, I never know the endings. What I think works in [my] stories is the fact that when I write, I really want to find out what is going on-I'm writing for myself as a reader. It's like when you dream a dream. I want to know what's behind the door. If I navigate, it's from a place that's totally intuitive. — Etgar Keret

I often give this metaphor where I say that writing short fiction is like surfing, while writing a novel is like navigating with your car. So when you navigate with your car, you want to get somewhere. When you surf, you don't want to get somewhere, you just don't want to fall off your board. — Etgar Keret

My mother, for example, told the German officer not to kill her. She'd make it worth his while. And then, when they were doing it, she pulled a knife out of her belt and sliced open his chest, just like she used to open chicken breasts to stuff with rice for the Sabbath meal. — Etgar Keret

When I say a spoken Hebrew sentence, half of it is like the King James Bible and half of it is a hip-hop lyric. It has a roller-coaster effect. — Etgar Keret

I tried once in my life to write a novel. I had written something like 80 pages of it when my laptop got stolen. When I told people this, they acted as if something tragic had happened, but I kind of felt relieved, grateful to the thief who saved me from another year of something that felt more like homework than fun. — Etgar Keret

I don't like the expression "writer's block" because I think it presupposes that you have a problem with your plumbing. I really think it's the other way around. — Etgar Keret

Apparently, I'm very, very popular in jails. They often ask me to come and speak. — Etgar Keret

In my stories I can kiss the girls I want to kiss and punch the girls I want to punch. Nobody pays a price for it. — Etgar Keret

In the army you feel violated - there's no private space. Writing was a life-saver, a way of recovering private territory. — Etgar Keret

Sometimes, when you are in a really constrained situation, it makes you more focused about what you want to say and where you're heading. The most beautiful love poems that were ever written are sonnets, composed in a very constraining form. — Etgar Keret

When I was a kid, I wanted to make my parents happy. I'd always say to them, "What do you want me to do? Do sports? Be rich? Be funny?" My mother would say, "Whatever we want from you, you already gave us - we wanted you to be alive, and you made it." — Etgar Keret

If you scare somebody enough, they stop being rational. — Etgar Keret

Grandma Natasha was sitting in the tent watching public service announcements on TV. They were showing a blond model in a bikini doing the backstroke in a river of blood flowing along Arlozorov Street. "She's not a real blonde," Grandma Natasha grumbled, pointing at the model. "She has it bleached. — Etgar Keret

Me, when it comes to religion, I have no God. When I'm cool, I don't need anyone, and when I'm feeling shitty and this big empty hole opens up inside me, I just know there's never been a god that could fill it and there never will be. — Etgar Keret

But I felt then the same way Nicky did, that I was getting myself more life. Not necessarily a better life, not a life more promising than the one I already had. But because I thought this life was in addition to and not instead of, I devoured it without a second's hesitation. — Etgar Keret

A word is a lot. — Etgar Keret

When I write a story, I have no idea what I'm doing. All I know is that I want to share something with my readers. The whole idea of writing is this place where you lose control, where you're irresponsible - it's a very liberating place. — Etgar Keret

Most of the Jewish writer friends I have are American, and I feel closer to them because they're always obsessed with one issue - identity: what does it mean to be an American Jew? — Etgar Keret

I usually start writing stories from tone and not from content - kind of like people who create music and invent the lyrics later on. I often give this metaphor where I say that writing short fiction is like surfing, while writing a novel is like navigating with your car. So when you navigate with your car, you want to get somewhere. When you surf, you don't want to get somewhere, you just don't want to fall off your board. I think the equivalent of balance is tone, so I think tone gives birth to the story. — Etgar Keret

Being ambivalent doesn't mean that you're a relevatist, that anything goes; it just means that you show the complexity of life. Life is always complex. — Etgar Keret

It's amazing how people can sound like retards when they're talking to their girlfriend, especially if they really love her a lot. Because when you're just fucking someone you make a point of keeping your cool, but when you're really in love - it can sound pretty repulsive. — Etgar Keret

Etgar means "challenge." And my family name is Keret, which means "urban." So my name is "urban challenge." My joke is, it's a good description of a birth but a strange name for a human being. — Etgar Keret

He misses the feeling of creating something out of something. That's right - something out of something. Because something out of nothing is when you make something up out of thin air, in which case it has no value. Anybody can do that. But something out of something means it was really there the whole time, inside you, and you discover it as part of something new, that's never happened before. — Etgar Keret

I write what needs to be written the way that seems genuinely right. If what comes out of it are stories, then it is my vocation to believe in them and in the fact that they'll interest people and maybe affect their lives. — Etgar Keret

I think that any authentic feeling one has of life should be a feeling of defeat. It's a losing game. You're going to die. Civilization is going to end. Our society is in decline, and we should feel OK about it because Roman society was in decline and before it the Assyrian one was, and they disappeared off this earth and we will disappear too. — Etgar Keret

The writer is neither saint nor tzaddik nor prophet standing at the gate; he's just another sinner who has a somewhat sharper awareness and uses slightly more precise language to describe the inconceivable reality of our world. — Etgar Keret

Hebrew is this unique thing that you cannot translate to any other language. It has to do with its history. — Etgar Keret

I used to feel that if I say something's wrong, I have to say how it could be made right. But what I learned from Kurt Vonnegut was that I could write stories that say I may not have a solution, but this is wrong - that's good enough. — Etgar Keret

For my mother, having a family was the most important thing in her life. In the Second World War, it was a challenge - surviving physically and mentally and finding somebody who you loved and who was willing to be with you. — Etgar Keret