Erma Bombeck Life Quotes & Sayings

A colleague once told me that the world was full of bad security systems designed by people who read Applied Cryptography — Bruce Schneier

I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it. — Erma Bombeck

Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who have been dealt a hand for life and play each card one at a time the best way they know how. No mother is all good or all bad, all laughing or all serious, all loving or all angry. Ambivalence rushes through their veins. — Erma Bombeck

Grandmas can shed the yoke of responsibility, relax and enjoy their grandchildren in a way that was not possible when they were raising their own children. And they can glow in the realisation that here is their seed of life that will harvest generations to come. — Erma Bombeck

The extraction of oil, coal and minerals brought, and still brings, a cost to the environment. — Bono

Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions; it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being. — Erma Bombeck

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. — Erma Bombeck

Bloodshed begets bloodshed. Hatred begits hatred. — Hiromu Arakawa

I used everything you gave me. — Erma Bombeck

Money is a good servant but a bad master. - SIR FRANCIS BACON — Anthony Robbins

I learned the importance of a man's chair early in life. I learned that he may love several wives, embrace several cars, be true to more than one political philosophy, and be equally committed to several careers, but he will have only one comfortable chair in his life. I learned it will be an ugly chair. It will match nothing in the entire house. It will never wear out. — Erma Bombeck

If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? — Erma Bombeck

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. — Erma Bombeck

I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive. — Erma Bombeck

Alexander of Whitby taught that the universe is like a tapestry only parts of which are visible to us at a time. After we are dead, we will see the whole and then it will be clear to us how the different parts relate to each other. — Susanna Clarke

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children. — Erma Bombeck

Cadets saavdhan," our Squadron drill instructor shouted at us, and we all came to attention. "Saab, inka drill accha nahi hai. Poora 102 course kaamchor hai, inko khub ragda do," he said (their drill movements are pathetic, entire 102 course is a shammer, roger them nicely). Then moving towards one of us in the second file, he shouted, "Ye tumhaari belt hai ki ghaagre ka naada?" Apparently, one of us had a loose belt. In fact, it was probably just fine but ideally, the belt was supposed to be as tight as physically possible. "Saab," D-Lo said to our Squadron instructor, grabbing the cadet from his belt from the front and shaking his entire body from the middle. "Poora ka poora Squadron, to Zero-point," he said angrily (send the entire Squadron to Zero-point). Saying that, he moved ahead to attack the next Squadron. "Zero-point poora course," our Squadron instructor screamed at all of us, and we sprinted towards this not-so-coveted place, with him following us. — Rajat Mishra

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate. — Erma Bombeck

Children make your life important. — Erma Bombeck

I don't understand how any good art could fail to be political. — Barbara Kingsolver

When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys. — Erma Bombeck

Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating? — Erma Bombeck

Given another shot at life, I would seize every minute ... look at it and really see it ... live it ... and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. — Erma Bombeck

It will, I believe, be everywhere found, that as the clergy are, or are not, what they ought to be, so are the nation. — Jane Austen

Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having. — Erma Bombeck

Grace." His head dipped toward mine. "Tell me to leave."
"No," I whispered back, relaxing into the wall, and he melted into me with a groan. "I want you to stay."
He looked into my eyes as if searching for the answer to something. "If I stay I'm going to fuck you."
I trembled in reaction to his bluntness and licked my lips before I moved my feet, widening my legs so he could fit just right between them. His eyes flared at the movement, and I reached up so our lips brushed as I whispered. "I'm counting on it. — Samantha Young

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back. — Erma Bombeck

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. — Erma Bombeck

Pregnancy is the only time in a woman's life she can help God work a miracle. — Erma Bombeck

I always tell Noah to behave or I'll sell him on eBay. You've got to have some way to keep these little buggers in line or they'll just walk all over you. It's a nightmare. Honestly. All the livelong day. Daddy, I want this. Daddy, I want that. Daddy, daddy, daddy! Gimme gimme gimme! I'm like, honest to almighty Christ and sweet and sunny jumped-up Jesus, if you don't shut up, it's back to the basement and the duct tape and the handcuffs again and I'm not joking. Now get me a beer, you frikkin' munchkin! — Nick Wilgus

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. — Erma Bombeck

I'm not much interested in sport just as sport. I wouldn't be interested in making a golf film or baseball or fishing film. — Robert Redford

For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process. — Erma Bombeck

The Last Invocation
At the last, tenderly,
From the walls of the powerful, fortress'd house,
From the clasp of the knitted locks - from the keep of the well-closed doors,
Let me be wafted.
Let me glide noiselessly forth;
With the key of softness unlock the locks - with a whisper,
Set ope the doors, O Soul!
Tenderly! be not impatient!
(Strong is your hold, O mortal flesh!
Strong is your hold, O love.) — Walt Whitman

The truth is every problem can't be solved by government. Many are caused by the moral breakdown in our society. And the answers to those challenges lie primarily in our families and our faiths, not our politicians. — Marco Rubio

Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth. — Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. — Erma Bombeck

POPPY: Don't just agree with me because it's my birthday, and I'm special, and you feel inferior under the shadow of my specialness. — Bijou Hunter

YouTube can sometimes be really discouraging. When I first started doing it, I almost stopped doing it. — Bethany Mota

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me. — Erma Bombeck

It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners. — Erma Bombeck