English Sarcasm Quotes & Sayings

I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass. — Tyler Oakley

It's fascinating. You know all these words, and they're all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don't make any sense. — Cassandra Clare

So what were your favorite subjects in school?"
"School?" He leaned back in his chair as though he needed the extra space to think about it. "Probably math. It always made sense. Unlike English, economics, and girls."
"And exactly how do you plan on taking over the free world if you don't understand economics?"
"I'll hire advisers. I'll hire you, in fact."
"Okay. Let me know when your army of junior high zombies is ready. — Janette Rallison

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since. — Jerome K. Jerome

-I taught you Hindi and everything
That's basically the same as getting engaged for missionaries

-And I really appreciate that
It will be terribly useful in my career as an English governess

-See?
That
There.
that is exactly the kind of tone I mean
One round of cholera in the tropics would sear that sarcasm right out of you

-guess I really missed out

-Guess so — Mallory Ortberg

I certainly don't like the idea of missionaries. In fact, the whole business fills me with fear and alarm. I don't believe in God, or at least not in the one we've invented for ourselves in England to fulfill our peculiarly English needs, and certainly not in the ones they've invented in America, who supply their servants with toupees, television stations, and, most important, toll-free telephone numbers. I wish that people who did believe in such things would keep them to themselves and not export them to the developing world. — Douglas Adams

Humor does not include sarcasm, invalid irony, sardonicism, innuendo, or any other form of cruelty. When these things are raised to a high point they can become wit, but unlike the French and the English, we have not been much good at wit since the days of Benjamin Franklin. — James Thurber

He shook his head,'Fuck, you say such fucking weird things.'
'Is that still your favourite word?' asked Isola interestedly, 'I like "verisimilitude". Tolkein said the most beautiful English phrase is "cellar door", — Allyse Near

Would you like to stand next to me and introduce yourself to the class?' Smiled Mr Zimmerman, the English teacher.
Nope, I would rather turn into bat! Leave me the heck alone. Ughh, why is it teachers ask ' Would you like to?' No teen ever wants to stand in front of strangers and be forced to talk about them.
- Lenore Lee from Whitby After Dark — Stella Coulson

If an Englishman asks you 'how are you?', they only expect two possible answers: 'not bad' and 'not too bad'. The former means 'I am doing great', the latter that you are about to commit suicide or have some terminal disease. With anything else, you risk being tarred and feathered. Also, if your answer is 'excellent' they take it as sarcasm. — Angela Kiss

I speak two languages: English and Sarcasm. — Don Rittner

When I first started writing, I was living in England and I had that uniquely English sense of sarcasm, which has definitely seemed to have left me. I am a naturalized American and my sensibility has become far more American. — Jane Green

Well, because you mysteriously came all this way and obviously are not the man I thought you were, why the heck not. So, Phet, if that's even your real name, tell
me, how do I defeat Lokesh?"
"It's simple. Do to him what I did to you."
"What? Talk to him in broken English? — Colleen Houck

It's like people immediately imagine me sitting in some gothic, sweeping castle in Edinburgh, a piece of fine bone china full of English tea next to my neat writing station. They think that my car, my purse, my everything was financed by my lucrative but somehow not too time consuming writing career. I've even had one guy ask me if my hand cramps at signings. While I wanted to give a snarky, "Yes, just like Tom Brady's does," I can't pull off snarky. My sarcasm immediately goes into b**ch territory — Mandy Nachampassack-Maloney