Ellen Degeneres Show Funny Quotes & Sayings

If you always make the right decision, the safe decision,
the one most people make, you will be the same as everyone else. — Paul Arden

He looks almost as bad as I feel. Nat calls out, "So I'm guessing by your silence that I've won this round."

I shake my head and speak into the cell, "Sorry, I gotta go. Max is here."

She purrs into the phone. "Ah, I get ya." Then sings, "Let me lick you up and down 'til you say stop."

I fight my hysterical laugh and mumble, "Yeah, like I said, I gotta go."

But she ignores me, singing louder, "Let me play with your body, baby, make you real hot."

I hang up and swallow hard. "Hi."

Max opens his mouth to speak, but Nat is not to be ignored. She shouts through the wall, "Let me do all the things you want me to do." I cover my mouth with a hand, flushing as she finishes her solo. "'Cause tonight, baby, I wanna get freaky with you." A moment later, she yells a huffy, "You shut up, ASSer! — Belle Aurora

The longer the war drags on, more and more civilians are getting killed. — Sergey Akhromeyev

[American Citizenship] captures the enduring idea that this country only works when we accept certain obligations to one another and to future generations — Barack Obama

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are. — Ellen DeGeneres

You do trust him, though, Giddon?"
"Holt, who is stealing your sculptures and is of questionable mental health?"
"Yes."
"I trusted him five minutes ago. Now I'm at a bit of a loss."
"Your opinion five minutes ago is good enough for me. — Kristin Cashore

When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show. — Ellen DeGeneres

I'm not against international institutions that would try to tackle global warming. But the way to go, at least in the short run, is to go to nuclear power. It's amazing to me that people who are so alarmed about global warming are so reluctant to adopt the obvious short-term solution - the bridge until the day when we have affordable renewable energy - of nuclear power. — Charles Krauthammer

Look don't sit there behind the computer like a useless vegetable and tell me how to train — Viktoria Komova