E 40 Funny Quotes & Sayings

I got pregnant at 40 by surprise. It's funny, because when we found out we were pregnant, I said, 'Okay, let's experience that.' You just have to just go with it because it's rare. — Julianna Margulies

You think when gym teachers were younger, they're thinking, "You know, I want to teach ... but I don't want to read. How about kickball for 40 years?" — Jim Gaffigan

You're 40 and he's 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn't you just adopt him? — Ann Dunham

I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40. — Roy Bean

People come back from flights and tell you a story like it's a horror story. That's how bad they make it sound. They're like, 'It was the worst day of my life. We didn't board for 20 minutes and they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes.' Oh really? What happened next? Did you fly in the air, incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight you non-contributing zero?' — Louis C.K.

Soul, love, joy and natural beauty shines first from within. Make time for quiet reflective moments. Be still and know there is more than just Botox and pink martinis for women over 40. — Machel Shull

My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following Friday they had to go to the cemetery to beat his liver to death with a stick. — Frank Carson

I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?" — Jim Gaffigan

When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight. — Jim Gaffigan

I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness. — Keanu Reeves

At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all. — Ann Landers

A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen." — Frank Carson

The funny thing about having any kind of moustache or beard is it grows on you - in two ways. I mean, it grows on you. It also becomes part of your identity. I've had it for 40 years. I don't think I would recognize the person in the mirror without it. — John W. Boyer

As a youngster, my mother and father always drilled into my head having something to fall back on. My father was kind of funny. I'd score 40 points. I'd come home and say, 'Look dad, I scored 40.' He'd never have a smile on his face. He'd be like, 'I saw that move you did. What if you'd hurt your knee?' — Shaquille O'Neal

Everything seems fine until you're about 40. Then something is definitely beginning to go wrong. And you look in the mirror with your old habit of thinking, 'While I accept that everyone grows old and dies, it's a funny thing, but I'm an exception to that rule.' — Martin Amis

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.' — Adam Ferrara

I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008. — Mitch Hedberg

I couldn't believe it. That was the first time I had ever seen somebody celebrate for a whole 40-second clock. That was ridiculous. — Charles Woodson

It's funny, because when you're younger you're in a rush to be 18 or 21 or whatever. But then you hit 30. And now, the days go by like hours. You think, 40, man, this could be the halfway point. It could be the three-quarters point, you know? Who knows? — Mark Wahlberg

Anything above 40 is a little too old for me. I just look for a girl who is funny and has nice eyes and a smile. — Justin Bieber