Dry Humour Quotes & Sayings

The Earth was form'd, but in the Womb as yet Of Waters, Embryon immature involv'd, Appeer'd not: over all the face of Earth Main Ocean flow'd, not idle, but with warme Prolific humour soft'ning all her Globe, Fermented the great Mother to conceave, Satiate with genial moisture, when God said Be gather'd now ye Waters under Heav'n Into one place, and let dry Land appeer. — John Milton

Laugh until you cry;
never let your eyes look dry
This is not a matter of joke;
this is all to provoke
our sense of humour
Life is its own consumer! — Munia Khan

I'd rather not see their eyes. Eyes can say so much. Theirs say, 'I want to steal your soul so don't turn your back on us. — Kasie West

This is Kester Baleen and Ajex Cristo,' Jared introduced. 'One born without common sense and another with too much intelligence.'

'Yeah, and what about you Dernell?' Kester retorted back. 'Born with a dry sense of humour. — Deepika Kumaaraguru

I'd been to the island on most weekends up until I got shot, and Thomas had often come with me. We'd used some fresh lumber, some material salvaged from the ruined town, and some pontoons made from plastic sheathing and old tractor-tire inner tubes to construct a floating walkway to serve as a dock, anchored to the old pilings that had once supported a much larger structure. Upon completion, I had dubbed it the Whatsup Dock, and Thomas had chucked me twenty feet out into the lake, thus proving his utter lack of appreciation for reference-orientated humour.
(And then I'd thrown him forty feet out with magic, once I got dry. Because come on, he's my brother. It was the only thing to do.) — Jim Butcher

Can you tell me the difference between a witch and a wizard?
Sure, a wizard is what they call you when they want to hire you, and a witch is what they call you when they're getting ready to run you out of town. — Barbara Hambly

The Australian fans are really friendly and personable; the sense of humour is a lot less dry than the English. — Tom Hopper

Who," coughed Zvonok, "do you think broke your favorite teacup last fall? The one with the cherries on the handle?"
"I was careless, Comrade Zvonok. I left the window open and a storm blew through."
"Incorrect! I broke it because you left me no cream and no dry biscuits, and when your old boots wore through, you burned them up for heat instead of giving them to me!"
"Hear, hear!" the table erupted in approval once more. "Well done, well done!"
"I'm surely very sorry
"
"So is your teacup. — Catherynne M Valente

My mouth went dry as I tried to remember all of Poppie's tips for kissing over the years. She told me no guy wanted a girl with a mouth as wide as a guppy, who sucked his tongue with the force of a Dyson vacuum cleaner first time, or licked him to death like an overeager puppy. She'd told me to just purse my lips and let him lead and take control. Don't slobber, don't slobber, don't slobber, I chanted to myself as he got closer and closer — Charlotte Fallowfield

Who said that?" asked Sir Grummore.
"But the sword said it, like I tell you."
"Talkative weapon," remarked Sir Grummore skeptically. — T.H. White

Have I, have you, been too silent? Is there an easy crime of silence? — Carl Sandburg

A lot of people don't get my humor. My mom calls it dry humor. I think that means "not funny," but it also means I'm the only one who ever knows it's a joke. — Kasie West

Denial is underrated. — Katherine Hepburn

On how to make the game more exciting - Eliminate the referees, raise the basket four feet, double the size of the basketball, limit the height of the players to 5 feet 9 inches, bring back the centre jump, allow taxi drivers in for free and allow the players to carry guns. — Al McGuire

What I Found in My Desk
A ripe peach with an ugly bruise,
a pair of stinky tennis shoes,
a day-old ham-and-cheese on rye,
a swimsuit that I left to dry,
a pencil that glows in the dark,
some bubble gum found in the park,
a paper bag with cookie crumbs,
an old kazoo that barely hums,
a spelling test I almost failed,
a letter that I should have mailed,
and one more thing, I must confess,
a note from teacher: Clean This Mess!!!! — Bruce Lansky

When you are older, you'll understand for yourself the influence of age on convictions. — Fyodor Dostoyevsky

You are precious" I insisted. "Stubborn and secretive and independent to a fault, but precious. — Alyxandra Harvey

So Caymen ... "
"So, Xander ... "
"Like the islands."
"What?"
"Your name. Caymen. Like the Cayman Islands. Is that your mom's favourite place to visit or something?"
"No, it's her third favourite place. I have an older brother named Paris and an older sister named Sydney."
"Wow." He opens the bag, takes out a muffin, and hands it to me. The top glistens with sprinkled sugar. "Really?"
I gently unwrap it. "No. — Kasie West

She can't hurt him, Izzy," (Alec)
"I know you're worried, but he's got the Mark of Cain; he's untouchable. Even a Greater Demon can't harm him. No one can." (Alec)
Isabelle scowled at her brother. "So what do you think she wants him for, then? So she'll have someone to pick up her dry cleaning during the day? Really, Alec
— Cassandra Clare

And more'?"
The name of the store is Dolls and More. He's asking what others have before him once they come into the store and only see dolls. I nod. "Dolls and more dolls. — Kasie West

Running is my meditation, mind flush, cosmic telephone, mood elevator and spiritual communion. — Lorraine Moller

Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping. — Stephen Colbert

Could there be three other words in the English language more effective at striking terror deep within the heart than Got a minute? — Meg Cabot

I don't even like turkey. It's dry and weird. And so leggy I feel like I'm dining on Rhonda Burchmore — Chrissie Swan

the Americans have never changed over. They still call today March 6th 1959. Their custom is to put the month before the day. It makes good sense, as the month is more significant than the day. — Sean Gabb

You are a reasonably civil, complaisant creature on dry land,' said Stephen, 'but the moment you are afloat you become pragmatical and absolute, a bashaw - do this, do that, gluppit the prawling strangles, there - no longer a social being at all. It is no doubt the effect of the long-continued habit of command; but it cannot be considered amiable. — Patrick O'Brian

It feels good to know that if I died tomorrow I would have absolutely no regrets about things I wanted to do in life but did not try. — Karen E. Quinones Miller

I don't know, maybe Australian humour isn't supposed to be funny. It's as dry as the Sahara, and I think people miss that. — Nick Cave

It is well-known what a middleman is; he is a man who bamboozles one party and plunders the other. — Benjamin Disraeli

Come on,"he said, gesturing toward the exit. "let's take a walk."
"Where?"
"It doesn't matter. We just need you calmed down or you'll be in no shape to fight."
"Yeah? Are you afraid of my possibly insane dark side coming out?"
"No, I'm afraid of your normal Rose Hathaway side coming out, the one that isn't afraid to jump in without thinking when she believes something is right."
I gave him a dry look. "Is there are a difference?"
"Yes. The second one scares me. — Richelle Mead