Downright Hilarious Quotes & Sayings

Those mitigating circumstances could just as well be mentioned if the thinker thought it worth the trouble. From the standpoint of human relations it is worth vastly more than the trouble it takes. The little sympathy or appreciation, coming first, puts the thinkers in the same camp with the feeling types, and the feeling types' desire to stay in the same camp will keep them agreeing with the thinkers as far as possible. — Isabel Briggs Myers

But what really won me over was his butt. What finally made it impossible for me not to like the man was how right out there on the Adventist basepaths, right in front of eighty or ninety of the kind of pious adult spectators who spent their every Sabbath if not their entire lives trying to forget the existence of things like butts, Beal's buns were trying to light a fire by friction inside his jeans; they were gyrating like a washing machine with its load off balance; they were thrashing against his pants like two big halibut against the bottom of a boat. And the wonderful thing, the amazing thing, was how once his older audience got over the shock of it, they began to look amused at, then fascinated by, and finally downright grateful toward his writhing reminder that yes, buns did exist, and yes, every one of us owned not one but two of the things, and yes, like the God who created them in His Image, they did indeed move in mysterious ways. — David James Duncan

When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows,' people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, for free.' — Linus Torvalds

The silence was unbearable to him. If the pictures could have reflected the feelings inside him, they would have been screaming in pain. — J.K. Rowling

I'm kind of thinking that I might start trying to do some acting. I really enjoy role play. — Santigold

Consciousness-one level is understanding where we are in space. Consciousness two is where we understand our position in society: who's top dog, who's underdog and who's in the middle. And type-three consciousness is simulating the future. And type-three consciousness, only humans have this ability to see far into the future. — Michio Kaku

My father was having an affair with a 16-year-old when Mum was pregnant with me. She found out when I was three weeks old and left, not surprisingly. — Carol Vorderman

I see you are working your usual magic this evening." "Not magic, Madame. Just me." Agnes — Jessie Burton

We shall see that at which dogs howl in the dark, and that at which cats prick up their ears after midnight. — H.P. Lovecraft

I love the look of buffed nails. They look neat and chic without actually having to paint your nails-and it takes no time! — Joy Bryant

I've had over a dozen models come in and pose fro me live for these new Cirque pieces. Cirque is a world-wide phenomenon and they are just incredible athletes. I've been to all the performances and am really fascinated by all of their productions. — Richard MacDonald