Don't Offer To Help Quotes & Sayings

We diminish people when we don't allow them to help us, or when we act like we don't need anything from them and they have nothing to offer us. We also diminish them when we allow them to go on and on, even after we've exceeded our capacity to pay attention. — Harriet Lerner

Time is the most valuable commodity we have to offer the world. Don't be afraid to share. — Mark W. Boyer

Most of the institutions that come in to offer help after disaster don't have the resources to provide concrete help. . . . Donor communities invest billions funding peace talks and disarmament. Then they stop. The most important part of postwar help is missing: providing basic social services to people. Not having those resources might have been a reason men went to war in the first place; they crossed a border and joined an armed group because they didn't have jobs. In Liberia right now, there are hundreds of thousands of unemployed young people, and they're ready-made mercenaries for wars in West Africa. You'd think the international community would be sensible enough to know they should work to change this. But they aren't. — Leymah Gbowee

So, you just have to keep pushing yourself with regards to the choices you make, to make sure they're very different from one another, I suppose. I don't know. I don't have any answer for any of that. I can't help but just say yes to lots of work that comes my way because I'm so relieved and so desperately excited and pleased that anyone could possibly offer me any work anyway. — Dominic Cooper

These same people who tell us we must defend the lives of the unborn-they are the same people who seem not so interested in defending anyone but themselves after the accident of birth is complete! These same people who profess their love of the unborn's soul-they don't care to make much of a contribution to the poor, they don't care to offer much assistance to the unwanted or the oppressed! How do they justify such a concern for the fetus and such a lack of concern for unwanted and abused children? They condemn others for the accident of conception; they condemn the poor-as if the poor can help being poor. One way the poor could help themselves would be to be in control of the size of their families. I thought that freedom of choice was obviously democratic-was obviously American! — John Irving

Ranger removed my goggles "Would you like to come home with me?"
I stepped away from him. "Thank you for the offer, but no. I'm done with men."
Ranger smiled. "Forever?"
"Until I figure some things out."
"And if you don't figure them out?"
"If I can't figure them out on my own, I'll ask you to help me."
"Babe, that's like the blind leading the blind. — Janet Evanovich

I can't help it either, the laughing: solemn gatherings, slow
ballads, pompous orations, any person or occasion that assumes I'll
offer my unreserved respect: I tend to find them all hysterical in the
end. Especially if someone similar is there to set me off. They don't
have to do much: I recognize what it looks like when somebody's
composure starts to strip itself away. They'll maybe cross their arms
with that twitchy, shaky, tension, or they'll grab down little wheezes
of embarrassed air, or they'll simply hood their faces under their
palm, trying to hide how fast they're slipping, how fast *we're*
slipping, because I'll be weakening with them by then, I'll be just as
lost, pulled equally tight against the moment when we both stop caring
and let it disgrace us
when we laugh. — A. L. Kennedy

So, then you find yourself in a situation where you have to do things because they're on offer to you, because you don't have much self-respect left. You just can't say no, even to something that you've never done before. You just can't help yourself. — Brian Molko

Any fool that had once helped you will someday make known to everyone that you were once a needy. No matter how broke you are, don't ever be quick to ask for help, let it be voluntary, and you must also learn to feign repudiation, no matter how valuable the offer. — Michael Bassey Johnson

I tug off my glove and reach into my pocket for the Danish I grabbed at breakfast this morning; I hadn't had a chance to eat anything before our early start today. And though I haven't the faintest idea what dogs eat, exactly, I offer the Danish anyway. The dog practically bites off my hand. It chokes down the Danish in two bites and starts licking my fingers, jumping against my chest in excitement, finally plowing into the warmth of my open coat. I can't control the easy laughter that escapes my lips; I don't want to. I haven't felt like laughing in so long. And I can't help but be amazed at the power such small, unassuming animals wield over us; they so easily break down our defenses. I — Tahereh Mafi

We can end this before anyone gets hurt." William held his hands out to sides as if to show her he was unarmed. "You don't want to hurt people, do you? You will if you don't come away with me. You know that."
"I'm not bad," Daisha whispered.
"I believe you." He held out a hand to her. He curled his fingers toward him in a beckoning gesture. "You can do the right thing here. Just come with me. We'll go meet some people who can help us."
"Her. The new Graveminder."
"No, not her. You and I can fix this all on our own. — Melissa Marr

I don't want to be a leader. I want to be one who goes around with a little oil can and offer help when I see a breakdown. — Baba Amte

The Tao is the center of the universe, the good man's treasure, the bad man's refuge. Honors can be bought with fine words, respect can be won with good deeds; but the Tao is beyond all value, and no one can achieve it. Thus, when a new leader is chosen, don't offer to help him with your wealth or your expertise. Offer instead to teach him about the Tao. Why did the ancient Masters esteem the Tao? Because, being one with the Tao, when you seek, you find; and when you make a mistake, you are forgiven. That is why everybody loves it. — Laozi

BRADBURY: Well, if you love people you criticize them, and if you don't love them you don't criticize them, you let them go to hell, don't you? To help any kind of friendship, your marriage, your children, you criticize because you love. And this works the same way. With your friends
let's say in writing
if you don't offer criticism to them and scare them on occasion ... In other words you say to a new writer, for gods sake write, because if you don't you will disappear. The world doesn't give a damn about you unless you do something. Those are the rules; I didn't make them. If you are lazy, if you don't get the work that you love done, the world won't care if you die tomorrow and go into the grave and are gone and forgotten forever. — Ray Bradbury

A BILL OF ASSERTIVE RIGHTS
I: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.
II: You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.
III: You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people's problems.
IV: You have the right to change your mind.
V: You have the right to make mistakes - and be responsible for them.
VI: You have the right to say, "I don't know."
VII: You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
VIII: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
IX: You have the right to say, "I don't understand."
X: You have the right to say, "I don't care."
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO, WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY — Manuel J. Smith

Mr. Rohan," she said awkwardly, "I wish I could be a proper hostess and show you to the parlor and offer refreshments. But I don't have refreshments. I really don't even have a parlor. Please excuse me for sounding rude, but this isn't a good time to call - "
"I can help you." He leaned a shoulder against the wall, smiling. "I'm good with my hands. — Lisa Kleypas

Don't deceive yourself; laughing at someone's weakness is not the way to reveal your strength. Your strength is in the help you offer, not the mockeries you deliver! — Israelmore Ayivor

Many self-help books give you these neat, tidy formulas that are really illusions. They dupe people into thinking, 'Well if I can just do that, then everything's going to be okay.' My work differs in that I don't offer quick solutions and simple explanations. — John Bradshaw

If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it won't help to doggedly demand one. Some folks lack the self-esteem required to take responsibility for their less than honorable behaviors, feel remorse, and offer a heartfelt apology. And many people are so hard on themselves for the mistakes they make, they don't have the emotional room to admit vulnerability and apologize to a partner. — Harriet Lerner

At best a practitioner of the Cult of Happy will accept in terms of personal accountability is that they were "too negative." So if people won't be accountable for their own actions, there is little reason to believe that they will be accountable for the actions they perpetrate against others. Similar to a narcissist they will, through their own mental engineering, retreat either to their particular "Cult of Happy Dogma" internally, or to the insulating bubble of like minded followers who will offer reinforcement, similar to narcissistic supply, saying, "There's nothing wrong with you, that person is just negative and you don't need that in your life. — Robert Montgomerie

If your child can't resist throwing gravel in the park, in spite of your efforts to offer tempting alternatives, you can say, "I'm taking you home now. I don't want anyone to get hit by a rock, even a little one."

If your child wants to help put pancake batter in the pan, but despite friendly reminders you can't convince him not to jump around at the stove, you can say, "I can't cook with you now. I'm too worried about burns."

If your child refuses to get in his carseat, "I can see the seat belt is uncomfortable. You feel freer without it. I can't take you to your friend's house without the belt buckled." Or, "I don't want to be late for work. I'm buckling you in. I know how much you hate it! — Joanna Faber

C++ is designed to allow you to express ideas, but if you don't have ideas or don't have any clue about how to express them, C++ doesn't offer much help. — Bjarne Stroustrup

When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You don't have to respond, but I'd like something from you.
This frees the other person to connect with you freely and without obligation. When we own that our needs are our responsibility we allow others to love us because we have something to offer. Asking is a far cry from demanding. When we demand love, we destroy it. — Henry Cloud

She tried to offer Ella help but was shooed back into her seat between Magnus and Irini. She watched incredulously at the amount of food these males piled onto their plates. She hadn't touched her own plate yet, her eyes jumping from Lucien to Ryder, to Aidan, to Magnus, as they scoffed large amounts of beef down. Irini giggled beside her before elbowing her to get her to stop staring and start eating.
Ella laughed, obviously having noticed and understood the reason behind Caia's wide eyes. "Don't mind them, honey. They're just animals. You'll get used to them."
Ryder choked in amusement as he took swig of water, and Aidan and Magnus joined his laughter.
Lucien merely shrugged. "What?"
This set them off again.
"Dude, we've frightened Caia with our non-existent manners," Aidan explained smiling at her.
"No, no-" she tried to protest.
Lucien frowned. "We're just eating."
"Caia's not used to eating at the watering hole. — Samantha Young

Most people who offer their help do it to make themselves feel better, not us. To be honest, I don't blame them. It's superstition: If you give assistance to the family in need ... if you throw salt over your shoulder ... if you don't step on the cracks, then maybe you'll be immune. Maybe you'll be able to convince yourself that this could never happen to you. — Jodi Picoult

You can't help everyone and most critically you can't help people who don't need you or see the value you have to offer — Bernard Kelvin Clive

Please, ma'am. Please help me. You seem like someone who really appreciates knowledge and learning, and I'd be so grateful if you'd share just a little of your wisdom."
"Why should I help?" she asked. I could tell she was intrigued, though. Flattery really could get you places. "You don't have any superior knowledge to offer me."
"Because I'm superior in other things. Help me, and I'll ... I'll fix your car out front. I'll change the tire.
That threw her off. "You're in a skirt."
"I'm offering you what I can. Manual labor in exchange for wisdom."
"I don't believe you can do it," she said after several long moments.
I crossed my arms. "It's an eyesore."
"You have fifteen minutes," she snapped.
"I only need ten. — Richelle Mead

Nothing is worth the damage of self-abuse. It solves no problem, accomplishes no goal, and helps no one. It has no benefit or productive value. It serves only one purpose: to make you feel bad, which doesn't help you or anyone else. We are more likely to emotionally resign, mentally disengage, or stop trying when we feel bad about ourselves. It does not motivate or inspire us to do better; instead, it disempowers us from moving forward because we stop trusting ourselves to make the right choices. If it can be changed, fixed, or forgiven, then mentally abusing yourself is unnecessary. If it can't be changed, fixed, or forgiven, then mentally abusing yourself is pointless. Offer yourself some compassion as you move through life. Of course you're not going to have all the right answers. That's how we learn. Don't beat yourself up for a very human and very normal process. — Emily Maroutian

His face was pale, and he dropped to the floor so that he was half kneeling, half sitting before her. "Please. I can ... help you."
"No." She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Her mind felt clearer now. Everything made more sense when she wasn't so hungry. "I don't think I want the help you have."
He cradled his bloody arm and tried to stand. "This isn't right. You aren't right. You aren't suppose to be here."
"But I am. — Melissa Marr

The way I see it, since you're staying here, it's only right for me to be hospitable. So if I get you a sandwich, don't feel like you have to make it up to me. It's just a sandwich." She said nothing, but he was wrong. It wasn't just a sandwich. It was more than that to her. "And I appreciate the offer to help with my laundry. Thanks, Haven. — J.M. Darhower

This is our country. He was rejecting Adrian's offer of help. It was this that had stung so much, the idea he was neither wanted nor needed. It had simply never occurred to him.
Attila. The man is right, of course. People here don't need therapy so much as hope. But the hope has to be real- Attila's warning to Adrian. I fall down, I get up. Westerners Adrian has met despise the fatalism. But perhaps it is the way people have found to survive. — Aminatta Forna

It's hard to carry a child around with you, but fortunately, in most cases, you don't have to ask a child for directions if you have a well-chosen role model ready to guide you. This is the next prescription: Take one role model, as often as needed. Set aside a few minutes today to fill this prescription so you will have it handy when you need it. Think now about who your role models have been. What do they offer? Who else do you admire, and exactly what do you admire about them? Have your roster of role models ready and waiting to help you the next time you are perplexed. — Bernie Siegel

Second, God sometimes calls us to a congregation when we don't yet have what it needs. Sometimes we can't help a people until after we've been with them for a while, and being with them is the means God uses to teach us what he wants us to offer them. For — Zack Eswine

On the Rebbe's willingness to offer opinions and advice on a large range of issues, including theology, business, family affairs, and even medical questions: "[First] I am not afraid to answer that I don't know. If I know, then I have no right not to answer. When someone comes to you for help and you can help him to the best of your knowledge, and you refuse him this help, you become a cause of his suffering. — Joseph Telushkin