Dog Poop Quotes & Sayings

Must've stepped in dog poop when I walked in the grass. And I knew EXACTLY where it happened, too. SQUISH I took my shoe off and went to the front of the room to tell Mrs. Pope about my situation. But I think Mrs. Pope thought I was trying to skip out on the pop quiz, because she gave me — Jeff Kinney

What do you do for fun?" he asked.
And suddenly we weren't at a table with a large group of people anymore. It was just Brad and me. We'd moved from a wink to a nudge to a discussion, but his interest was going to disappear if I didn't think of something exciting to share.
"I like to read mysteries."
"Read."
He repeated the word like I'd just told him that I enjoyed stepping in dog poop. — Rachel Hawthorne

Picture the person who intimidates you most. Now picture them crouched like a dog, pooping on the sidewalk, looking up at you, all vulnerable. We all poop. Maybe not on the sidewalk, but nobody is better than you and don't let them think they are for a minute. — Caprice Crane

Grandchildren now don't write a thank you for the Christmas presents. They are walking on their pants with their cap on backward, listening to the Enema Man and Snoopy, Snoopy Poop Dog. — Alan K. Simpson

Woke up this morning to the incredible news that I was nominated for an Emmy, and a shower full of dog poop. Apparently my dog is so excited, she has explosive diarrhea. I truly could not be more thankful to the Emmy voters for including me in this brilliant company of extraordinary women. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go clean up an enormous amount of dog poop out of my shower. Yay! — Martha Plimpton

Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette — Josh Stern

You're looking, moment by moment and scene by scene, how you can tell the most interesting story. So, we had this great short and we knew that we had a story about a boy and his dog. Because we had that pure emotional core, we could go on crazy tangents and always come back to Victor and Sparky. When I wrote in stuff like Weird Girl and the cat poop, Dutch Day and the windmill, it felt like it was part of Tim's universe. — John August

When I see a dictionary on my desk I feel like I'm looking at some strange dog leaving a twisty piece of poop on our lawn out back. — Haruki Murakami

I hate the concept of luck, especially when people try to apply it to me. Yes, it's true: Hundreds of thousands of businesses fail. Mine succeded. Was that all just because I "got lucky"? I don't really think so.
What I hate about luck is that it implies being devois of responsibility. It implies that you can do nothing and the step into success as easily as stepping into a pile of dog poop on the sidewalk. It implies that success is something given to a knighted and often undeserving few. Luck tells us that we don't control our own fate, and that our path to succes of failure is written by someone, or something, entirely outside overselves. Luck let us believe that whatever happens, whether good or bad, it's not to our credit or our fault. That is why I don't buy luck. But I do buy magic. — Sophia Amoruso

Not many years ago, nearly 100 percent of people who thought they were being constantly watched were certifiable paranoids. But recently it was revealed that, in the name of public safety, Homeland Security and more than a hundred other local, state, and federal agencies are operating aerial surveillance drones of the kind previously used only on foreign battlefields - at low altitudes outside the authority of air-traffic control. Soon, the bigger worry will not be that, as you walk your dog, you are secretly being watched but that the rapidly proliferating drones will begin colliding with one another and with passenger aircraft, and that you'll be killed by the plummeting drone that was monitoring you to be sure that you picked up Fido's poop in a federally approved pet-waste bag. — Dean Koontz

Other useful commands to teach your dog are 'stay,' 'heel,' 'remove your snout from that person's groin,' 'stop humping the Barcalounger,' 'do not bark violently for two hours at inanimate objects such as a flowerpot,' ' do not eat poop,' and 'if you must eat poop, then at least refrain from licking my face afterward'. — Dave Barry

I don't think twice about picking up my dog's poop, but if another dog's poop is next to it, I think, 'Eww, dog poop! — Jonah Goldberg

Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?" — Anthony Griffin

Nubs?" the doctor asked. "It's okay," Charlie said. "He's our dog. He isn't a person or anything." "I would hope not." "Sometimes he eats his own poop," Charlie explained. — Ania Ahlborn

When people visit my farm they often envision their dog, finally off-leash in acres of safely fenced countryside, running like Lassie in a television show, leaping over fallen tree trunks, shiny-eyed with joy at the change to run free in the country. While they're imagining that heartwarming scene, their dog is most likely gobbling up sheep poop as fast as he can. Dog aren't people, and if they have their own image of heaven, it most likely involves poop. — Patricia B. McConnell

Mayor Resigns After Caught Tossing Dog Poop On Rival's Yard AP — Anonymous

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere. — Dana Gould

If you were up to your neck in cat vomit and someone threw dog poop at you would you duck? — Joel Samaha

If you walk the dog long enough, you'll eventually be able to get him to poop. — Tim Smith

Dogs live in the moment, and don't have a concept of past or future. That's why you must immediately correct your dog if it breaks the rules. The old trick of rubbing your puppy's face in his poop or urine is not effective - your dog will have no idea why it is being punished. — Tom Ester

King scratched at the door to be let out."
Charlie snorted. "King obviously has a lot of stamina. I'd have been clawing
at the door a lot sooner if I was trapped in a booth with Mark."
"But Mark ignored him, so King ... uh, pooped."
Charlie grinned. "And then?"
"Mark yelled at him and scared him." Harry fought back a grin. "So King
pooped again."
Charlie's grin widened. "Mark is an idiot."
"So then Mark waved the script at him, and King - "
"Pooped again." Charlie started to laugh.
"Then Marcia came in and threw a fit because of all the poop in the booth and because Mark was mistreating a puppy. She gave him ten minutes to get the booth clean, and she took the dog away from him. — Jennifer Crusie

If you order a milkshake at a diner and they mix dog poop into it, you probably wouldn't drink it. If you go into a town with pollution, you may survive and have a good visit, but you risk being poisoned. — Richard Rossi

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog ... — Dana Gould

Excuse me, sir, you got dog poop on your shoe. — James Patterson

Sometimes on the journey, you step in dog poop. But you don't let the whole journey be about the fact that your shoe got poop on it. — Iyanla Vanzant