Divorce Humour Quotes & Sayings

My parents' divorce left me with a lot of sadness and pain and acting, and especially humour, was my way of dealing with all that. — Jennifer Aniston

Wow," Sussman said, "you look hot even with the slight disfigurement."
I stopped and turned toward him.
"What did you say?"
"Um, you look hot?"
"Let me ask you something," I said, easing closer. He took a wary step back. "When you were alive, like, five minutes ago, would you have told some chick you'd just met that she looked hot?"
He thought about that a moment, then answered, "No. My wife would divorce me."
"Then why is it the moment you guys die, you think you can say whatever you want to whomever you want?"
He thought about that a moment, too. "Because my wife can't hear me?" he offered. — Darynda Jones

You must make love to him like his touch is your salvation. — Charlotte Eriksson

Texts between Dr. Stayner & Livie(with a little help from Kacey)
Dr. Stayner: Tell me you did one out-of-character thing last night
Livie: I drank enough Jell-O shots to fill a small pool, and then proceeded to break out every terrible dance move known to mankind. I am now the proud owner of a tattoo and if I didn't have a video to prove otherwise, I'd believe I had it done in a back alley with hepatitis-laced needles. Satisfied?
Dr. Stayner: That's a good start. Did you talk to a guy?
Kacey(answering for Livie): Not only did I talk to a guy but I've now seen two penises, including the one attached to the naked man in my room this morning when I woke up. I have pictures. Would you like to see one?
Dr. Stayner: Glad you're making friends. Talk to you on Saturday — K.A. Tucker

Divorce is what husband and wife do together when they no longer wish to do anything together. — John Spencer Yantiss

Divorce is not always a doorway to happiness. The same can be said about marriage. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

What the efficient market hypothesis doesn't account for is that people are not always rational. Just ask any divorce lawyer. — Coreen T. Sol

People fear what they can not understand and what they can not control. — Andrew Smith

Why do so many today want to wander off to South Africa or Kenya or India or Russia or Honduras or Costa Rica or Peru to help with justice issues but not spend the same effort in their own neighborhood or community or state? Why do young suburbanites, say in Chicago, want to go to Kentucky or Tennessee to help people but not want to spend that same time to go to the inner city in their own area to help with justice issues? I asked this question to a mature student in my office one day, and he thought he had a partial explanation: 'Because my generation is searching for experiences, and the more exotic and extreme the better. Going down the street to help at a food shelter is good and it is just and some of us are doing that, but it's not an experience. We want experiences. — Scot McKnight

Contrary to popular belief, people always say "It was a pleasure doing business with you". It is the only thing that has stayed with me after an assignment. Always mix business with pleasure. That is a secret they don't want you to know. BUT never mix pleasure with business. Then you might just end up in a divorce. — Nikhil Sharda

I knew the man up until our divorce - after that I didn't know the man, but it didn't stop me caring about him and worrying because of the complete change that I saw in him. He'd lost his sense of humour and he got aggressive; he wasn't for the world any more, he was just for Yoko. Before that he opened his arms and embraced the world with his wit and humour - afterwards he was a completely different kind of person. — Cynthia Lennon

I am on the divorce detox diet. I only eat younger men — Erla-Mari Diedericks

I do not understand your love,' he said. — Mervyn Peake

The main causes for divorce
are marriages. — A.J. Beirens

The groom should not see you in the dress just before the wedding, that's bad luck. You know what's worst luck? Is getting married, itself. I've read studies. It's like 2 out of 3 of those end in divorce, sometimes more. 3 out of 2, some. — Hank Moody

Forward, men, and mix with them. — Nathan Bedford Forrest

Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her. — Honeya

I played with Willie Mays and against Hank Aaron. They were tremendous players, but they were no Josh Gibson. — Monte Irvin

Heaven's Way is like stretching a bow. The high is lowered and the low is raised. Excess is reduced and deficiency is replenished. Heaven's Way reduces excess and replenishes deficiency. People's Way is not so. They reduce the deficient and supply the excessive. — Laozi

Fozzy was slowly realising his mistake of not having taken his friends words of warning more serious all those years ago. 'She's an expensive filly, with double standards,' he had said. Fozzy had not listened. — Tanya Thistleton